water damage

teest

2007-03-23T12:06:00.000-04:00

test

2007-03-23T12:03:00.000-04:00

The Great Wave: Gilded Age Misfits, Japanese Eccentrics, and the Opening of Old Japan

2006-10-19T16:20:00.000-04:00

Summary: The back cover would have you believe it is a book weirdos shuttling between Japan and the United States between the 1850s-1913. Ooooh no. Actually it is a travelogue of (primarily) nineteenth century American writers who visited Japan and were supposedly changed by the experience.

Pros:
- Well the parts about obscurer people were interesting. John Manjiro. Lafcadio Hearn, the writer of a book I'd already chosen for Month of the Rising Sun. Okakura. Edward Morse.
- The cover is really cool. A Japanese print of westerners presumably from that era. Too bad it doesn't say what the illustration is called, it'd make a nice wallpaper.
- For the most part it was easy to read and not too dry, except when it bogged down into American literature. See Cons.

Cons:
- Yeah I don't really care about 19th century American literature, and this book is swimming in it. Herman Melville never actually went to Japan, but the idea of it helped him compose Moby Dick. Oh right yeah that makes sense. In Bizarro-world! About of a third of the book is hijacked by Henry James, who's entire experience in Japan could be summed up by one word: "meh". Cool? Henry James sounds like a neat dude, but he didn't really seem to have a nice time at the tourist traps in Japan, so why include it much? Oh and another portion of the book is about the lady who edited Emily Dickenson's poems moving to Japan for a while to help her astronomer husband. Granted it was kinda interesting but she didn't really seem to be changed by the experience.

- Which leads me to my next point => it's like a travelogue of places that don't exist anymore. These writers were some of the last to see Old Japan before it industrialized...yet most of them didn't seem to care all that much, at least to me. Certainly not enough to write a book about it.

- Teddy Roosevelt never set foot in Japan, and also seemed kinda meh on it. I did find the chapter interesting, but it seemed to dwell from the central touristy thrust of the rest of the book.

Things I learned:
- Lafcadio Hearn led a fascinating life. Born to an unknown Greek woman and an Irish aristocrat, forced to live on the streets of America, documenting Creole culture as it was dying out, marrying a black woman when it was completely taboo, and living out the rest of his life in Japan defending the Japanese from Western prejudice. Neato.
- I forget the names, but an American intellectual wrote a book on Japan that was so wrongheaded that his own favorite Japanese pupil said that if it was translated that he wouldn't survive for 30 minutes without someone killing him.
- Edward Morse was a guy who was so eloquent about the seashells he collected that he got academic jobs with no credentials. Nice. His book on Japanese architecture influenced future architects such as Frank Lloyd Wright and...uh...Frank Lloyd Wright. Hey he's one of 3 modern architects I can name off the top of my head.

Summary:
Even books that mention Nathaniel Hawthorne in passing lose points with me. I give it a Meh. I've certainly read better trumped up celebrity travelogues.

Parasite Eve

2006-10-17T22:10:00.000-04:00

(too lazy to post picture. go look it up on amazon. sheesh.)

Summary: A researcher who specializes in mitochondria loses his wife. What does he do? Insists on dissecting her liver and experimenting on her cells, that's what! Of course, what or whom killed his beloved wife? And why does whatsherface not want a kidney transplant?

Pros:
- After the first 160 pages or so it got really good. Like compulsive page turner, read 200 pages in a single sitting good. See Cons.
- The monster was scary. I especially liked the spontaneous combustion powers.
- It made me think, which is always a plus.
- The whole "my wife will live on in other people" bit was pretty damn creepy. Or when his wife's face was formed in cellular tissue and called out his name. Creepy.

Cons:
- The first 160 pages are so are extremely mega ultra uber dull. I believe this is what is called a "medical thriller" and boy...do I not really care about kidney transplants.
- When I found out why whatsherface has a problem with getting a fresh kidney I just laughed. Dialysis or ridicule from some punks at school. Hmm...

Things I learned:
- Apparently Japanese do not allow transplants of dead people, and are pretty iffy on taking organs from brain-dead people. So basically if you're in need of a transplant in Japan you're screwed, which is supposed to make one of the characters getting a needed kidney transplant after waiting a mere couple of years a big deal. Plus even if you get it you'll feel like a horrible freak.

Alternate universe Japanese Mike: No I don't want an organ from a dead person. I would rather have a machine extract my urine 3 times a week for the rest of my life that be a Frankenstein's monster.
Me: GIMME GIMME GIMME! Oh precious kidney I...love you. (Kiss kiss)

I wonder if it has to do with the Buddhist belief in avoiding the dead at all costs? Of course I learned that in a mystery novel so I could be wrong.
- Everything about mitochondria you wanted to know but were afraid to ask. Oy. Should have called it Single Celled Power Plants That Live in Our Cells Eve.
- Oh and female mitochondria are Evil incarnate. Male mitochondria are confused and really like beards.

Summary:
I think it just edges into Good. Once it gets past dry lecturing on single celled organisms and character buildup, it goes full speed into kickass.
I have to admit I'm curious as to what the game is like. It must take severe liberties with the book since there's not that many action scenes.

Kuhaku and Other Accounts from Japan

2006-10-11T21:24:00.000-04:00

Summary: A series of essays detailing life in modern Japan, mostly from western journalists. The goal was less a Westerner's philosophy about why Japanese people do things, and more about what is actually going on over there.

Pros:
- Each of the essays were well written and interesting. I learned a lot about Japanese culture.

- I loved the glossary. It was, oddly enough, quite witty and amusing.

- There's a whole article on canned coffee! Yes, coffee in an aluminum can is all the rage over there. Frankly I want to try some and I don't even like coffee.

- It is really a beautiful little book. It's a hardback but in paperback size. Plus, a book detailing Japanese life from an Anglo-American perspective was printed in Iceland. Globalization rules. And it comes with a ribbon. Know this: any book that comes with a handy dandy bookmark ribbon gets bonus points in Mike-land.

Cons:
- It's too short. 200 pages, plus about 20 pages of glossary, seems a bit steep for 20 bucks.

- One essay, about a guy who flew to Japan to participate in a dot-com bilingual newspaper, had very little to do with life in Japan at all and more to do with crazy skinflint bosses.

- One essay was too artsy for my taste. It listed all the businesses on a street, then there was a picture of that street for about four pages til it ended. There was some mumbled gobbledegook about seeing some girl on that street but it was only like 2 lines. Feh.

- I'm not sure their goal was met. True it did seem like an authentic look, but some parts seemed to be more...philosophizing.

Stuff I learned:
- It seems that for the first time, children over there are getting all rebellious and mooching off their parents, staying home til they're in their mid-twenties. Gee, that's just like me! Except the kids also like beating up random middle-aged people so much it has its own word. Not cool.

- About 4/5 Japanese women have committed adultery. Or at least the wives in this book have. Geez. After a while you stop getting surprised.

- Your neighbors will actually sort thru your trash to make sure you're recycling correctly. That's just too weird for me.

- Dogs have white names from the 50's like Doris, Lulu, and Bob. I named my cat Ted so I can't comment.

- Apparently if you're a white dude and can speak some Japanese, you can make the ladies swoon. There is like a reverse exoticness over there. Funky.

- And finally, Japanese culture is built around you never saying anything to your neighbors and no one ever getting angry in public. Sign me up!

Rating:
I give it a Good. I enjoyed it so much I'm thinking of getting their book on New Orleans.

Month of the Rising Sun continues next with Parasite Eve. So far I'm kinda meh on it. I hope it picks up soon.

Battle Royale

2006-10-07T22:05:00.000-04:00

Summary - A middle school class is armed and forced by the nefarious fascist government to kill each other. Shuya, a rock n roll fan, teams up with Noriko, his love-interest-that-is-obvious-to everyone-but him, and Shogo, a delinquent who is 16 going on 45. Their primary opponent is Kazuo, a prodigy who was born without feeling.

Pros -
- There was violence galore. Eye gouging, explosions, gun fights, and even a car chase.

- Each student gets a pack with one weapon and some bread and water. The weapons are pretty diverse and fun:
+ Obviously some handy dandy guns
+ A bat
+ A fork (no indication as to whether it was a regular dining fork or the dreaded salad fork)
+ A tracker that tracks the other students' movements
+ A bullet-proof vest
+ Poison. Stryper was unavailable.
+ My favorite - darts. As in, those pointy things you throw at a board in a pub.

- The reading went by pretty quick and the characters were likeable. Always a plus. Most of the students didn't want to kill - those who did were either scared out of their wits or insane.

- My favorite student was a girl who thought that she was a princess from outer space. You'd think it's the game that drives her nuts, but there's a flashback of her bugging the hell out of a former friend. It's basically a cameo but funny as hell.

- Kazuo is actually a pretty scary dude. They make him out to be an adolescent Terminator, especially with him being quiet the whole time.

Cons

- Essentially the whole book is one chapter of the trio making plans, then alternating chapters of Kazuo or Mitsuko killing off their classmates. It does get a touch repetitive after 600 pages.

- It has been compared to Lord of the Flies. I'd say they are similar...sort of. Lord of the Flies had another layer of meaning about society being 2 steps away from barbarism, among other things. As far as I can tell Battle Royale is just about killing. True there is a few bits about how Evil the government is. I believe the idea is that Japan won World War II, and created an empire in East Asia. However I couldn't really work up much outrage, since the idea that imperial fascists would create a game that kills their own middle schoolers is ridiculous. Now, evil imperial World War II Japanese forcing foreign kids to kill each other, that I can understand.

Things I Learned:

- Apparently, junior high in Japan lasts until you're 15. Ye Gods! I can't imagine being 11 in a school with giant stubbly 15 year olds.

- Yes sailor suits are school uniforms over there. And I thought they were just being pervy.

- Damn is the most popular curse word of all time. By far. Sometimes there would be 5 damns per page.

- Having a bone lodged in your brain can cause you to not only have no feelings but no conscience as well. Who knew?

Rating:

I liked it a lot, but I'll have to give it a Meh. So many students died with so little character development that they might as well have called 30 of the 42 students Red Shirts.

Month of the Rising Sun has started well. Which Japanese horror book will I read next? I'm thinking either homicidal protozoans or parental ghost vampires. Better strap yourselves in, water damage is back! Yeah!

Clean up the place

2006-10-04T18:48:00.000-04:00

Well it's been nearly a year. Yeah much has changed in the land of Mike. I'm in grad school now, and am living in the Commonwealth of Kentucky. I'm currently studying Library and Information Science, and so far I'm having a nice time. I'm slowing sinking into the groove of school again I think. I had to start a third blog for my online class, Fire Damage.

I've been considering returning to water damage. Occaisionally I get it in my brain to review something but usually stifle that since my friends on myspace don't really care. Or I assume they don't really care. Hmm.

And Bookgasm, my favorite book type blog listed water damage as one of their friends. I did not find this out until about 10 seconds ago. Huh? What? Maybe I should update more often if they think I'm neat.

So, I'm thinking of returning. Dusting things off. Redoing the sidebar full of books I bought last October. I wouldn't expect daily posts or anything, but once a week could work. It's certainly worked on my myspace page. For a site I barely like I've posted once a week there for about the past year.

Final Miscellany?: Let us not say good-bye, but adieu

2005-12-12T21:56:00.000-05:00

Well, it looks like I'll have to put water damage on hiatus. My new job lasts about 12 hours a day, killing what little free time I once had. Besides, the fire that made me want to review burned out some time ago. But I'll still blog at air damage. And if I ever get the time I still have some capsules lying around, as well as a full synopsis/review of The Mummy's Tomb.

It's not as if anyone read my drivel anyway.

So I'll see you later blogger. I'll miss your wonderful sidebars, your never fucking up my posts, your free image hosting. Adieu. :*(

Miscellany: My blog is worth more than my average paycheck

2005-11-13T13:24:00.000-05:00

Man, have I been slacking off around here lately. I have to admit I have been entranced by the lameness of myspace. It's like a shiny quarter I can't get my eyes off of. But hopefully I'll have a review of some kind up here in the next week or so. More likely I'll have a bunch of lame capsules.

Finally got the red edition of House of Leaves. The original outfit I bought it from told me 3 weeks after I gave them money that they didn't actually have it. Bastards! I would've given them a bad rating if they didn't immediately refund my $50. Luckily that day I found a new copy, which was cheaper but...there seems to be a problem with the binding. Nothing serious, but if the pages pop off the cover in a couple of decades I wouldn't be surprised.

Money's kind of tight right now, so other than a few books already in the mail I probably won't be getting any fresh ones for a couple of weeks or even a month. Feh, I'm like 4 years behind anyways.

I did find my blog is worth about $500, which is kinda cool. Grumpy Old Bookman's is worth $100,000 apparently. I think the idea is that you would make that much if everyone who came thru clicked an ad. I think.

My blog is worth $564.54.
How much is your blog worth?

Capsules: The Final Halloweeny Flicks

2005-11-04T20:58:00.000-05:00

Shaun of the Dead - modern classic. One thing I noticed by looking over my meager horror collection is that I only like funny zombie movies. It is kinda hard for them to be scary and not boring. Awesome.

Wishmaster 2 - feh. During a museum robbery, a goth chick steals a ruby with an evil genie in it. Now the djinn must collect some number of souls so he can take over the world. Bwa...ha. This is quite possibly the least scary horror series ever. But...the cheese factor is over the top. I can spend days talking in that weird growl/whisper the wishmaster guy does. Actual movie - Bad. With Friends - Good.

Route 666 - Lou Diamond Phillips stars as a CIA agent/Navy SEAL/FBI agent (I'm not lying) who struggles to get Mr. X from the X-Files past the haunted route 666 highway. Essentially it was a action movie pretending to be a horror movie. It wasn't until like 40 minutes-an hour into it that the zombie/ghosts appear. And are they zombies or ghosts? And how lame is it that one of them is his Dad, who was framed for whatever the hell crime put them there? Feh. Worst of all was this movie's sense of humor...I've had funnier bowel movements than the "jokes" they kept whipping out. This was total, total Crap.

Santa's Slay - hell yeah. Goldberg, the wrestler, plays jolly old St. Nick. It turns out that Santa is the son of Satan, and he was tricked by an angel into spreading joy for a thousand years. Now the time is up and Santa's pissed! Much like Aladdin and Robin Williams, the best parts of this movie are when Santa shows up. The teenage main character was rather lame. However, I still think it's the best Christmas movie I've seen in years. Good.

Creepshow - classic. For some reason I love this shitty little movie. I guess because I saw it when I was really young and into both Stephen King and EC comics. Bonus points if you can find the ashtray in each segment. I'd have to give it an Awesome.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 - the further adventures of the Leatherface family. This time they waste 2 annoying frat boys, which is caught on tape. The tape is played on an obscure Texas radio station, which means that the DJs have to die. This whole bit takes, oh, the first hour of the movie. Somewhere in there is a vengeance seeking Dennis Hopper. Frankly, after the first half hour I started purusing some new books I bought. The backstory to the Serenity/Firefly universe is fascinating! Did you know the 'verse was colonized by the American and Chinese empires? Neat-o. And Kaylie's name is actually Kaywinnet Lee? (So I guess it's actually Kay Lee). Oh, the movie? Crapity Crap.

The Bride - first of all it has Sting as Doctor Frankenstein! Wow. He creates the chick from Flashdance for his creature (played by Clancy Brown! Poor Clancy Brown. He's just so cool but can't find decent parts) and then decides, hey, why give this hottie to my retarded creation? So he spends the entire movie teaching her manners, which she rejects at the very end. Apparently chick from Flashdance doesn't want a cultured doctor like Sting, she wants mentally challenged Clancy Brown. Yep, it's a romance movie version of The Bride of Frankenstein. Yawn. Crap.

Return of the Living Dead: Necropolis - ugh. Some evil corporation kidnaps a teen and his rowdy teen buddies bust in to break him out. I saw this 5 days ago and it's already fading from consiousness. I liked the armored, weapon-toting zombies at the end though. Good with friends, Bad by yourself.

Yes, I Am A Geek

2005-11-02T00:28:00.000-05:00

Too tired to elaborate on Halloweeny Flicks. Spent an hour on a post at fucking myspace, just to see it deleted. So now I just want to say "I love you Blogger! Sure, no one ever reads my page, but your layout is just so dreamy! And my posts are rarely deleted! <3 <3 xoxo"

Anyhoo, I felt this was way too geeky for the dark side at myspace. I suspect my book type bits of the blog are boring my family and friends anyway. Apparently, JMS is releasing 15 volumes of Babylon 5 scripts. And I...definitely want to try it out. No guarantees on the whole set. The thing is, I hate reading a script, since I'd rather just watch the show/movie. But supposedly he's got deleted scenes and really lengthy introductions and comments on every episode, which could be cool. Of course the thing I want to read the most, the 5 year plan with Sinclair as the captain, is in the last volume which you can only get if you get the whole set. Figures.

Miscellany: Halloweeny Stuff

2005-11-01T01:12:00.000-05:00

Okay so I should have posted this yesterday, but here is a link to all the stuff I did for the water damage Halloween Spooktacular.

5 Worst Books I've Ever Read: Interview with the Vampire (a retroactive addition, had I the icon I would have made it an official part of the Spooktacular)
House on Haunted Hill review
Capsules: Halloweeny Flicks
Do What Thou Wilt review (retroactively added, it was meant for Halloween, even if he wasn't actually an evil satanist)
Capsules: Halloweeny Flicks 2
Capsules: Halloweeny Flicks 3
House of Leaves review

I hope to have the final bit of Halloweeny Flicks up tomorrow or the next day. Maybe I should retroactively add my future reviews of The Mothman Prophecies and Something Wicked This Way Comes too. Maybe.

So, I leave with a little belated Halloween bonus. Here is the complete text of H.P. Lovecraft's Cool Air, from this cool website. It's amazing what you'll find online. True, Cool Air isn't the best story, but I didn't want to cut and paste a frickin' novel on here. For those of a crappy b-movie bent, picture David Warner from the Necronomicon flick as Dr. Muñoz. Enjoy.

Cool Air
You ask me to explain why I am afraid of a draught of cool air; why I shiver more than others upon entering a cold room, and seem nauseated and repelled when the chill of evening creeps through the heat of a mild autumn day. There are those who say I respond to cold as others do to a bad odour, and I am the last to deny the impression. What I will do is to relate the most horrible circumstance I ever encountered, and leave it to you to judge whether or not this forms a suitable explanation of my peculiarity.
It is a mistake to fancy that horror is associated inextricably with darkness, silence, and solitude. I found it in the glare of mid-afternoon, in the clangour of a metropolis, and in the teeming midst of a shabby and commonplace rooming-house with a prosaic landlady and two stalwart men by my side. In the spring of 1923 I had secured some dreary and unprofitable magazine work in the city of New York; and being unable to pay any substantial rent, began drifting from one cheap boarding establishment to another in search of a room which might combine the qualities of decent cleanliness, endurable furnishings, and very reasonable price. It soon developed that I had only a choice between different evils, but after a time I came upon a house in West Fourteenth Street which disgusted me much less than the others I had sampled.
The place was a four-story mansion of brownstone, dating apparently from the late forties, and fitted with woodwork and marble whose stained and sullied splendour argued a descent from high levels of tasteful opulence. In the rooms, large and lofty, and decorated with impossible paper and ridiculously ornate stucco cornices, there lingered a depressing mustiness and hint of obscure cookery; but the floors were clean, the linen tolerably regular, and the hot water not too often cold or turned off, so that I came to regard it as at least a bearable place to hibernate till one might really live again. The landlady, a slatternly, almost bearded Spanish woman named Herrero, did not annoy me with gossip or with criticisms of the late-burning electric light in my third-floor front hall room; and my fellow-lodgers were as quiet and uncommunicative as one might desire, being mostly Spaniards a little above the coarsest and crudest grade. Only the din of street cars in the thoroughfare below proved a serious annoyance.
I had been there about three weeks when the first odd incident occurred. One evening at about eight I heard a spattering on the floor and became suddenly aware that I had been smelling the pungent odour of ammonia for some time. Looking about, I saw that the ceiling was wet and dripping; the soaking apparently proceeding from a corner on the side toward the street. Anxious to stop the matter at its source, I hastened to the basement to tell the landlady; and was assured by her that the trouble would quickly be set right.
"Doctair Muñoz," she cried as she rushed upstairs ahead of me, "he have speel hees chemicals. He ees too seeck for doctair heemself--seecker and seecker all the time--but he weel not have no othair for help. He ees vairy queer in hees seeckness--all day he take funnee-smelling baths, and he cannot get excite or warm. All hees own housework he do--hees leetle room are full of bottles and machines, and he do not work as doctair. But he was great once--my fathair in Barcelona have hear of heem--and only joost now he feex a arm of the plumber that get hurt of sudden. He nevair go out, only on roof, and my boy Esteban he breeng heem hees food and laundry and mediceens and chemicals. My Gawd, the sal-ammoniac that man use for keep heem cool!"
Mrs. Herrero disappeared up the staircase to the fourth floor, and I returned to my room. The ammonia ceased to drip, and as I cleaned up what had spilled and opened the window for air, I heard the landlady's heavy footsteps above me. Dr. Muñoz I had never heard, save for certain sounds as of some gasoline-driven mechanism; since his step was soft and gentle. I wondered for a moment what the strange affliction of this man might be, and whether his obstinate refusal of outside aid were not the result of a rather baseless eccentricity. There is, I reflected tritely, an infinite deal of pathos in the state of an eminent person who has come down in the world.
I might never have known Dr. Muñoz had it not been for the heart attack that suddenly seized me one forenoon as I sat writing in my room. Physicians had told me of the danger of those spells, and I knew there was no time to be lost; so remembering what the landlady had said about the invalid's help of the injured workman, I dragged myself upstairs and knocked feebly at the door above mine. My knock was answered in good English by a curious voice some distance to the right, asking my name and business; and these things being stated, there came an opening of the door next to the one I had sought.
A rush of cool air greeted me; and though the day was one of the hottest of late June, I shivered as I crossed the threshold into a large apartment whose rich and tasteful decoration surprised me in this nest of squalor and seediness. A folding couch now filled its diurnal role of sofa, and the mahogany furniture, sumptuous hangings, old paintings, and mellow bookshelves all bespoke a gentleman's study rather than a boarding-house bedroom. I now saw that the hall room above mine -the "leetle room" of bottles and machines which Mrs. Herrero had mentioned -was merely the laboratory of the doctor; and that his main living quarters lay in the spacious adjoining room whose convenient alcoves and large contiguous bathroom permitted him to hide all dressers and obtrusively utilitarian devices. Dr. Muñoz, most certainly, was a man of birth, cultivation, and discrimination.
The figure before me was short but exquisitely proportioned, and clad in somewhat formal dress of perfect cut and fit. A high-bred face of masterful though not arrogant expression was adorned by a short iron-grey full beard, and an old-fashioned pince-nez shielded the full, dark eyes and surmounted an aquiline nose which gave a Moorish touch to a physiognomy otherwise dominantly Celtiberian. Thick, well-trimmed hair that argued the punctual calls of a barber was parted gracefully above a high forehead; and the whole picture was one of striking intelligence and superior blood and breeding.
Nevertheless, as I saw Dr. Muñoz in that blast of cool air, I felt a repugnance which nothing in his aspect could justify. Only his lividly inclined complexion and coldness of touch could have afforded a physical basis for this feeling, and even these things should have been excusable considering the man's known invalidism. It might, too, have been the singular cold that alienated me; for such chilliness was abnormal on so hot a day, and the abnormal always excites aversion, distrust, and fear.
But repugnance was soon forgotten in admiration, for the strange physician's extreme skill at once became manifest despite the ice-coldness and shakiness of his bloodless-looking hands. He clearly understood my needs at a glance, and ministered to them with a master's deftness; the while reassuring me in a finely modulated though oddly hollow and timbreless voice that he was the bitterest of sworn enemies to death, and had sunk his fortune and lost all his friends in a lifetime of bizarre experiment devoted to its bafflement and extirpation. Something of the benevolent fanatic seemed to reside in him, and he rambled on almost garrulously as he sounded my chest and mixed a suitable draught of drugs fetched from the smaller laboratory room. Evidently he found the society of a well-born man a rare novelty in this dingy environment, and was moved to unaccustomed speech as memories of better days surged over him.
His voice, if queer, was at least soothing; and I could not even perceive that he breathed as the fluent sentences rolled urbanely out. He sought to distract my mind from my own seizure by speaking of his theories and experiments; and I remember his tactfully consoling me about my weak heart by insisting that will and consciousness are stronger than organic life itself, so that if a bodily frame be but originally healthy and carefully preserved, it may through a scientific enhancement of these qualities retain a kind of nervous animation despite the most serious impairments, defects, or even absences in the battery of specific organs. He might, he half jestingly said, some day teach me to live--or at least to possess some kind of conscious existence--without any heart at all! For his part, he was afflicted with a complication of maladies requiring a very exact regimen which included constant cold. Any marked rise in temperature might, if prolonged, affect him fatally; and the frigidity of his habitation--some 55 or 56 degrees Fahrenheit -was maintained by an absorption system of ammonia cooling, the gasoline engine of whose pumps I had often heard in my own room below.
Relieved of my seizure in a marvellously short while, I left the shivery place a disciple and devotee of the gifted recluse. After that I paid him frequent overcoated calls; listening while he told of secret researches and almost ghastly results, and trembling a bit when I examined the unconventional and astonishingly ancient volumes on his shelves. I was eventually, I may add, almost cured of my disease for all time by his skillful ministrations. It seems that he did not scorn the incantations of the mediaevalists, since he believed these cryptic formulae to contain rare psychological stimuli which might conceivably have singular effects on the substance of a nervous system from which organic pulsations had fled. I was touched by his account of the aged Dr. Torres of Valencia, who had shared his earlier experiments and nursed him through the great illness of eighteen years before, whence his present disorders proceeded. No sooner had the venerable practitioner saved his colleague than he himself succumbed to the grim enemy he had fought. Perhaps the strain had been too great; for Dr. Muñoz made it whisperingly clear -though not in detail -that the methods of healing had been most extraordinary, involving scenes and processes not welcomed by elderly and conservative Galens.
As the weeks passed, I observed with regret that my new friend was indeed slowly but unmistakably losing ground physically, as Mrs. Herrero had suggested. The livid aspect of his countenance was intensified, his voice became more hollow and indistinct, his muscular motions were less perfectly coordinated, and his mind and will displayed less resilience and initiative. Of this sad change he seemed by no means unaware, and little by little his expression and conversation both took on a gruesome irony which restored in me something of the subtle repulsion I had originally felt.
He developed strange caprices, acquiring a fondness for exotic spices and Egyptian incense till his room smelled like a vault of a sepulchred Pharaoh in the Valley of Kings. At the same time his demands for cold air increased, and with my aid he amplified the ammonia piping of his room and modified the pumps and feed of his refrigerating machine till he could keep the temperature as low as 34 degrees or 40 degrees, and finally even 28 degrees; the bathroom and laboratory, of course, being less chilled, in order that water might not freeze, and that chemical processes might not be impeded. The tenant adjoining him complained of the icy air from around the connecting door, so I helped him fit heavy hangings to obviate the difficulty. A kind of growing horror, of outre and morbid cast, seemed to possess him. He talked of death incessantly, but laughed hollowly when such things as burial or funeral arrangements were gently suggested.
All in all, he became a disconcerting and even gruesome companion; yet in my gratitude for his healing I could not well abandon him to the strangers around him, and was careful to dust his room and attend to his needs each day, muffled in a heavy ulster which I bought especially for the purpose. I likewise did much of his shopping, and gasped in bafflement at some of the chemicals he ordered from druggists and laboratory supply houses.
An increasing and unexplained atmosphere of panic seemed to rise around his apartment. The whole house, as I have said, had a musty odour; but the smell in his room was worse--and in spite of all the spices and incense, and the pungent chemicals of the now incessant baths which he insisted on taking unaided. I perceived that it must be connected with his ailment, and shuddered when I reflected on what that ailment might be. Mrs. Herrero crossed herself when she looked at him, and gave him up unreservedly to me; not even letting her son Esteban continue to run errands for him. When I suggested other physicians, the sufferer would fly into as much of a rage as he seemed to dare to entertain. He evidently feared the physical effect of violent emotion, yet his will and driving force waxed rather than waned, and he refused to be confined to his bed. The lassitude of his earlier ill days gave place to a return of his fiery purpose, so that he seemed about to hurl defiance at the death-daemon even as that ancient enemy seized him. The pretence of eating, always curiously like a formality with him, he virtually abandoned; and mental power alone appeared to keep him from total collapse.
He acquired a habit of writing long documents of some sort, which he carefully sealed and filled with injunctions that I transmit them after his death to certain persons whom he named -for the most part lettered East Indians, but including a once celebrated French physician now generally thought dead, and about whom the most inconceivable things had been whispered. As it happened, I burned all these papers undelivered and unopened. His aspect and voice became utterly frightful, and his presence almost unbearable. One September day an unexpected glimpse of him induced an epileptic fit in a man who had come to repair his electric desk lamp; a fit for which he prescribed effectively whilst keeping himself well out of sight. That man, oddly enough, had been through the terrors of the Great War without having incurred any fright so thorough.
Then, in the middle of October, the horror of horrors came with stupefying suddenness. One night about eleven the pump of the refrigerating machine broke down, so that within three hours the process of ammonia cooling became impossible. Dr. Muñoz summoned me by thumping on the floor, and I worked desperately to repair the injury while my host cursed in a tone whose lifeless, rattling hollowness surpassed description. My amateur efforts, however, proved of no use; and when I had brought in a mechanic from a neighbouring all-night garage, we learned that nothing could be done till morning, when a new piston would have to be obtained. The moribund hermit's rage and fear, swelling to grotesque proportions, seemed likely to shatter what remained of his failing physique, and once a spasm caused him to clap his hands to his eyes and rush into the bathroom. He groped his way out with face tightly bandaged, and I never saw his eyes again.
The frigidity of the apartment was now sensibly diminishing, and at about 5 a.m. the doctor retired to the bathroom, commanding me to keep him supplied with all the ice I could obtain at all-night drug stores and cafeterias. As I would return from my sometimes discouraging trips and lay my spoils before the closed bathroom door, I could hear a restless splashing within, and a thick voice croaking out the order for "More--more!" At length a warm day broke, and the shops opened one by one. I asked Esteban either to help with the ice-fetching whilst I obtained the pump piston, or to order the piston while I continued with the ice; but instructed by his mother, he absolutely refused.
Finally I hired a seedy-looking loafer whom I encountered on the corner of Eighth Avenue to keep the patient supplied with ice from a little shop where I introduced him, and applied myself diligently to the task of finding a pump piston and engaging workmen competent to install it. The task seemed interminable, and I raged almost as violently as the hermit when I saw the hours slipping by in a breathless, foodless round of vain telephoning, and a hectic quest from place to place, hither and thither by subway and surface car. About noon I encountered a suitable supply house far downtown, and at approximately 1:30 p.m. arrived at my boarding-place with the necessary paraphernalia and two sturdy and intelligent mechanics. I had done all I could, and hoped I was in time.
Black terror, however, had preceded me. The house was in utter turmoil, and above the chatter of awed voices I heard a man praying in a deep basso. Fiendish things were in the air, and lodgers told over the beads of their rosaries as they caught the odour from beneath the doctor's closed door. The lounger I had hired, it seems, had fled screaming and mad-eyed not long after his second delivery of ice; perhaps as a result of excessive curiosity. He could not, of course, have locked the door behind him; yet it was now fastened, presumably from the inside. There was no sound within save a nameless sort of slow, thick dripping.
Briefly consulting with Mrs. Herrero and the workmen despite a fear that gnawed my inmost soul, I advised the breaking down of the door; but the landlady found a way to turn the key from the outside with some wire device. We had previously opened the doors of all the other rooms on that hall, and flung all the windows to the very top. Now, noses protected by handkerchiefs, we tremblingly invaded the accursed south room which blazed with the warm sun of early afternoon.
A kind of dark, slimy trail led from the open bathroom door to the hall door, and thence to the desk, where a terrible little pool had accumulated. Something was scrawled there in pencil in an awful, blind hand on a piece of paper hideously smeared as though by the very claws that traced the hurried last words. Then the trail led to the couch and ended unutterably.
What was, or had been, on the couch I cannot and dare not say here. But this is what I shiveringly puzzled out on the stickily smeared paper before I drew a match and burned it to a crisp; what I puzzled out in terror as the landlady and two mechanics rushed frantically from that hellish place to babble their incoherent stories at the nearest police station. The nauseous words seemed well-nigh incredible in that yellow sunlight, with the clatter of cars and motor trucks ascending clamorously from crowded Fourteenth Street, yet I confess that I believed them then. Whether I believe them now I honestly do not know. There are things about which it is better not to speculate, and all that I can say is that I hate the smell of ammonia, and grow faint at a draught of unusually cool air.
"The end," ran that noisome scrawl, "is here. No more ice -the man looked and ran away. Warmer every minute, and the tissues can't last. I fancy you know -what I said about the will and the nerves and the preserved body after the organs ceased to work. It was good theory, but couldn't keep up indefinitely. There was a gradual deterioration I had not foreseen. Dr. Torres knew, but the shock killed him. He couldn't stand what he had to do -he had to get me in a strange, dark place when he minded my letter and nursed me back. And the organs never would work again. It had to be done my way -preservation -for you see I died that time eighteen years ago."

House of Leaves

2005-10-26T23:49:00.000-04:00

I don't know if you've noticed, but I feel more comfortable deriding a book than praising it. I think it has to do to a lack of confidence in my choice o' words. But I do love this book so I'm a gonna try. Watch out.

Synopsis: There are really 4 levels going on at the same time. The Navidson family moves into a house in West Virginia...a very unusual house indeed. Writing about them is Zampano, an old man who may or may not be a member of the French Foreign Legion. The man who found Zampano's book is named Johnny Truant, a literate but down and out punk. Supposedly Pelafina, Truant's mother, has a hand in the narrative too, but it's far more subtle. I'll look out for her when I reread it.

Where to begin? Well the whole book feels like the Blair Witch Project by way of say Memento. It can be very cinematic but is also a bit academic too. I've heard it called both a horror novel and a parody of academic writing, both of which I can agree with.

Each narrator has a different voice, as well as a different font. Zampano is like a college professor, there were times I felt I was reading actual nonfiction. The chapter on echoes was amazingly dull...but I learned that when Zampano goes into professor mode that the next chapter will be quite the scary. You don't really get a feel for Zampano the man, except when Truant meets some of his collaborators. He is found dead in his apartment, a claw mark near his head. Truant's friend Lude convinces him to go there and loot the place, Johnny leaves with a box of documents.
Truant is a big party guy. It seems that he gets laid every chapter by some random chick he meets at a bar. It's kind of a surprise when he whips out some knowledge of ancient Greece or something. As the novel progresses his life becomes more and more withdrawn. He spends every waking moment editing the book.
Pelafina has her own appendix near the end of the book. She tried to strangle Johnny, and got admitted to a looney bin. By the time the novel begins she has died. Or has she? Danielewski (MZD) has said that she has more influence in the book than you would think. Apparently the title page and the last page are in her font.

The Navidsons are a different kettle of fish altogether. Will Navidson is a big photographer, often leaving his family for months to do a difficult shoot. Karen Green was a big time model but ditched it all to settle down with Navidson. And well the kids are kids. House of Leaves itself* is an examination of Navidson's documentary The Navidson Record, which documents their time in the house. The Navidson Record is unusual though, in that in their universe it is the most watched documentary ever. College professors, People Magazine, and film directors have little blurbs about it in the book.

The house itself is weird. It is definitely bigger on the inside, by miles and miles. There really isn't a malevolent ghost...kind of. Zampano writes of the Minotaur, which may haunt the house or may be just a manifestation of the inhabitants' fears.

I dunno, I've probably given away too much already. So how did I feel about it? Well like I said previously, I was torn since the academic bits were kinda dull and actual scares were few. But I can't remember the last time I was this creeped out by a book, or excited about a book I just finished. So I award it an Awesome. One thing I love is subtle ambiguous media, like The Prisoner or Memento, where you can think about it and theorize about it forever. Yummy. It's gonna be tricky, picking between this and Perdido Street Station. We'll see. I plan on reading something huge in December, maybe Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norell, which is supposed to be amazing as well.

* - Interestingly enough, both Truant and Navidson encounter House of Leaves in unexpected ways. But any more would be telling.

Miscellany: :-p

2005-10-26T00:59:00.000-04:00

Created a blog at myspace called air damage. I think that'll be the new recepticle of my miscellany posts. Unfortunately I won't blog here as much, but water damage will be the primary blog in my heart. And that's what counts.

Capsules: Halloweeny Flicks 3

2005-10-24T21:29:00.000-04:00

Tales from the Crypt Presents: Demon Knight - A man charged with protecting a key holding the blood of Christ is cornered in a dilapidated hotel by a demon. He must wait out the night with the usual cast of losers. The man is played by William Sadler, a quality b-movie actor, and the demon is played by Billy Zane, who seemed like a cool guy before his career vanished. I guess he must be on Broadway or something, after this was Titanic and a walk-on in Zoolander. What gives, Billy Zane? Sure you were The Phantom, but being the Shadow didn't kill Alec Baldwin's career, eh? Anyway, I enjoyed the film immensely. For a throwaway "group of people trapped together overnight surrounded by evil creatures" flick it was surprisingly good. But the less said about Bordello of Blood the better. Too bad the Tales from the Crypt franchise had to die with that dreck and not say end on a high note with Demon Knight. Good.

Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit - Our friends Wallace and Gromit have started a pest control business, and they are charged with protecting the town's produce from a huge were-rabbit. True it is a kids' movie, so the plot being fairly predictable isn't so bad. I just felt...I dunno. It was funny but it wasn't as amazing as the shorts were. There were long stretches of say....establishing scenes and less sidesplitting scenes. I'd say it edges into Good. I would buy the shorts, but would except this as a gift. Yeah.

Doom - What a pain parade this crap was. Horrible beasties ravage a science colony on Mars and only the Rock can stop them. There's so much wrong I can make a list of them:
1. Well, my major complaint is the fact that instead of beasts from Hell the creatures are genetically modified humans. Oh yeah, that's not the biggest cliche ever.
2. Oh and the humans are changed through the scary 24th chromosome. Sorry to burst the bubble there but there are people with 24 chromosomes already.
3. You know which people are fodder and which will survive just based on their introductions. Each one shows their defining characteristic when you meet them, i.e. the crazy religious guy, the gun nut, the perv, etc. It's just lazy. And what's worse is that they're set up to die, yet they don't for like 30 minutes.
4. Speaking of, nothing seems to happen for the first 30 minutes. I think they were aiming for a spooky haunted house type vibe. Hey shithead, this is a movie based on a first person shooter! WHERE'S THE CARNAGE?!?!
5. Our hero, the only one with any kind of backstory, has a shitty backstory. How did his parents die? How does that relate to the movie? Hell if I know.
6. The ending feels cut off. I bet there's an alternate ending floating around somewhere, but for now it feels just a hair short. I don't want to spoil too much so I won't say why.
7. Not all the weapons are in there. I wanted some plasma rifle action...not there. The chainsaw is there but not 'til the end. No rocket launcher. I think the shotgun was there but I forget. The BFG was kinda cool, but I expected more splatting with it. There was only 2 shots for that thing. You'd think with no plasma rifle that thing would be crawling with ammo.
8. There actually was some philosophy towards the end. The Rock wants to waste innocent civilians to contain the genetically mutating virus, our hero doesn't want to. In a way I agree with the Rock since who knows if the virus will mutate the innocents. But maybe a quarantine compromise could have been worked out? I dunno, it ultimately felt like padding since the whole issue was dropped entirely and never brought up again.
9. I thought all the monsters were there. Instead there's a demon, some zombies, and a couple of imps. No mancubuses? No revanants? No zombie soldiers? Not even a spider demon? LAME!
10. Sort of related is the fact that it's basically Doom 3 the movie. Doom 3 is the weakest part of the series for me. It felt like the filmmakers were thinking "hey, let's wait until the series takes place in a series of darkened corridors and make a flick out of that". Feh.
Anyway. It wasn't all bad I suppose. I liked the last 10 minutes or so. What they did take from the games was kinda cool. I give it a Bad. I'll see it on cable in 2010 and go "Oh yeah, that's why I hated that movie".

The Prophecy - Ah, my first DVD. I got this 6 years ago along with my first DVD player. Memories. Basically there's a second war in heaven between angels jealous of God's love of man, and loyalist angels. The war is stalemated until Gabriel, the leader of the jealous angels, goes to Earth looking for a specific soul predicted to tip the balance one way or another. I love the ideas in the movie. It just feels like the longest movie of all time. I still give it a Good. Not the bestest flick ever but I like it.

Miscellanepiphany

2005-10-23T23:54:00.000-04:00

I found this site some time ago and strolled on down there again today. I have to admit, scanning every book you own with a brief summary was a bit weird at first. But then I was like, hey, what's the difference between that and what I do? I mean, both my site and theirs are a HEY LOOK AT MY BOOKS kind of thing that really only matters to us. I think I started a book site less because there's a lack of book review websites out there* and more just to have some outlet for my book lust. Nobody I know cares about what I read, and reading is one of my primary loves. If not the primary.**

I've spent the whole day downloading cds to my ipod. Good fucking God, I had no idea I had this many cds. I have learned that my music tastes has changed in the past few years. I don't think I like swing anymore for example.*** I've got a whole stack of cds for the Book Nook.

Maybe that's the source of my mopeyness. That or the fact my sis is officially moving out at the end of next month and I'm not even close to getting a real job and moving out. This whole "college degree" thing seems like a waste of time. It looks like I go from "total crap job" to "crap job that pays slightly better so I can move out". All my friends skipped college and make almost twice what I make. (sigh) Feh. More later.

* - True SF site is nice, and Amazon's reviewers are usually right, but a genre version of Publisher's Weekly or even Bookmarks magazine would be frickin' awesome. The only person I know who reads sci-fi is my Dad and he reads like 2 books a year. So the web and browsing at Borders & Noble are my only ways of finding new books.
** - Actually it seems to be my secondary love, behind buying books. I have to admit, book-shopping is tons of fun. True I am up to my hips in book boxes, but you can't have enough books.
*** - It was the only fad I've ever gotten totally behind, other than All Your Base Are Belong to Us. I still think of that song and chuckle.

Miscellany Weekend

2005-10-23T03:48:00.000-04:00

Bleah. It's waaaay past my bedtime, but I just wanted to drop a note saying that I'm alive. I finished House of Leaves. What an....ambiguous ending. Going to the website I've found that there's a lot of layers I missed. When I read House of Leaves I'll try and catch those.

Before I consider a review, I'm torn between giving it a Good and a Awesome. On the one hand it is tied with Perdido Street Station as best fiction book I read this year, and its probably in my top ten. (I was in a friend's house yesterday and was actually scared I'd fall through the floor. Now I haven't had a horror novel affect me like that in 10 years.) But on the other hand the ending was pretty perplexing and the academic bits could get a bit boring. Plus there was a feeling of terror throughout the book but there was very few actually scary moments. But then again 2 sentences towards the end caused me to lose sleep. Hmm. I dunno.

I got my first credit card this week. It's kinda creepy, it's like I could get a zillion dollars worth of stuff, but I'm gonna pay 2 zillion dollars down the road for them. I'm not one for "saving money" and "being frugal". I guess we'll see. I am planning on getting like 10 books since it feels like it's been forever since I got a cool book.

Began The Mothman Prophecies. Lord, John Keel was born a ramblin' man. Every chapter begins on-topic, about mothmen or West Virginia or whatever, then he goes off on some vaguely similar bit of ufology. It's actually kind of annoying. 2 duds out of 4 this month. What a downer.

Yesterday there was a buy 2 horror movies and get 1 free sale at Moviestop, and I realized I own every Vincent Price Midnite Movie except for this one. Yet I am strangely reluctant to watch them. I think because The Oblong Box, Pit & The Pendulum, and The Fall of the House of Usher made me pray for death. I think I just like collecting them.

I also ordered Alfred Hitchcock Presents Season 1. I've found I like buying seasons more than movies. A tv show is shorter, and my short attention span doesn't wander as much. I've been enjoying the Kolchak I've watched so far. I heard that Count Duckula was on DVD but I haven't been able to find it.

Okay that took an hour. Look out next week...maybe I'll have a review of House, The Mummy's frickin Tomb, a best/worst movies project, or something. Probably I'll just have a few more miscellanies to pad things out. G'nite.

Capsules: Halloweeny Flicks 2

2005-10-20T09:38:00.000-04:00

Curse of the Talisman - Some dude steals a gargoyle and a talisman and gives them to a New Age-y shopkeep, who lends them to his stupid teen employee, who gets bitten by the talisman and now has a real live gargoyle as a "pet". After a while the gargoyle flies off, then it wants the talisman to resurrect its brethren. Well, as a movie it was kinda lame. But with friends to make fun of it, it was hilarious. I give it a Good.

Return of the Living Dead: Rave to the Grave - 45 year old teenagers discover canisters of zombies, which they decide to turn into a hallucinagen. One hit will "take you close to death", 3 will turn you into the living dead. It could have been fun stupid if not for the massive buildup to zombies, and two incompetant Italian Interpol agents who were meant to be Pulp Fiction-y comic relief but were in actuality two bumbling idiots. Not to mention that the rave itself doesn't happen until the last 20 minutes of the movie. Oh and to escape a missile strike, hide behind a spraypainted board. At least Arnold leapt behind a rock. Ugh, this was Crap.

Scream of the Werewolf - Sheriff Peter Graves investigates what appear to be werewolf killings. His immediate suspect is his ex-buddy, who is also looney tunes. True I only saw the last hour of this, but it was more than enough. I should have been suspicious when it was classified under "mystery & suspense" and not horror. Not only is the "werewolf" his ex-buddy's dog, but he finds this out in the most boring way imaginable: driving around a lot. Crap.

The Attic Expeditions - A tool named Trevor Blackburn wastes his girlfriend in some magical ritual, gets committed to an insane asylum, and spends 4 years in a coma. The head of the hospital, Jeffrey Combs, says he needs to go to the House of Love for special one-on-one treatment. For one thing, parts of this movie didn't make a lick of sense. For another, whoever played Blackburn is one of the worst actors in the history of cinema, and that's saying something. For yet another, I guessed most of the plot twists, even if I couldn't get the movie. I also didn't really understand the ending. So he went back into a coma? Ted Raimi dies for nothing? Jeff leaves? What about the book? If I wanted it that badly I'd tear the house down. Or did he put it in the hosue at all, but in his mind? Trippy. We only rented it to see Seth Green as the killer, which totally wasn't worth the agony. Oh and blink and you'll miss a walk-on by Alice Cooper. Crapity Crap.

Phone - A Korean rip-off of The Ring, where if you get a haunted phone number you die. It was interesting I suppose. Bits were scary but the full-on mystery was a little better. I am beginning to sense though that the Asian Chick With Long Hair is becoming a horror staple. I give it a Meh.

Miscellany: Blah 2

2005-10-19T02:13:00.000-04:00

So I just did it. Hopefully in the next week or two I'll be getting a signed red House of Leaves.

I haven't even finished it yet.

I blame the lack of sleep on this one.

Stupid $50 I don't have. Still doesn't beat the $91 I paid for King Rat though. I'm kinda apprehensive about reading that one...if it sucks I'm out nearly a hundred bucks.

Man. I really don't know the value of a dollar, do I?

Miscellany: Blah

2005-10-19T01:10:00.000-04:00

- Not really in the mood to type too much tonite. Today was extremely busy, I was out until 10, and didn't have any Mike-time until midnite. Bleah. Hopefully tomorrow I can just relax after work without building any retro-lawnmowers. Anyway, for some reason I really really really want a red version* of House of Leaves. My "rare book buying" sense is tingling. Honestly, I'm coming this close to saying HoL is one of the best books I've ever read. And that's saying something, I mean the last book to really crack my top ten was The Illuminatus! Trilogy and I read that in 10th grade. I was hoping to get the edition with both red and blue and braille (heh, the "full version") but it doesn't exist. Naturally. So I've seen somewheres where I can get the rarer red edition, autographed, for just....too much money. Stupid money. So I'm all wigging out right now, sorry. If I divert money from savings I can afford it but I've taken too much money out of there already. Hmm.

- Lastly, today's Spiderman is the most disturbing comic book related thingy ever. True I was shocked and appalled that JMS, creator of my fave sci-fi series Babylon 5, resurrected Norman Osborn and Gwen Stacy. But the horror of web-slinging Peter Parker in a hospital gown dangling his spider-junk is way more terrifying.

Anyways, tomorrow we should resume our normal programming. Some day I would like to write a review of The Mummy's Tomb and/or start that new series I was promising.

* - My version is the blue edition, with the word "house" in blue. It actually is kinda unnerving since every single time the word "house" is used it is in blue, even in foreign languages. The red edition has the word "minotaur" and all ~~striked out passages~~ in red. This may sound petty but I am a completeist. I even want to get this, and its one of the many appendices to House of Leaves.

Do What Thou Wilt

2005-10-17T23:27:00.000-04:00

Aleister Crowley seemed to have peeked around the edges of my reading for sometime now. I remember first hearing about him in The Schrodinger's Cat Trilogy and Masks of the Illuminati, way back in high school. Earlier this year, I read that some morons have said that Crowley endorsed the Necronomicon. Whereever there was a hint of mystical evil there seemed to be Crowley lurking in the shadows. Last year I was interested in biographies of famous magicians*. After Dr. Dee, and not finding one on Albertus Magnus, I decided to try out one on Crowley. I chose this one because the author takes a neutral stance on magic. Which is fine by me, I don't need to be converted. But I think that he was a bit too neutral. More on that in a moment.

Born in 1875 to deeply religious parents, Crowley seemed to be rebellious from the start. He was given the nickname "Beast 666" at 11 by his mother, which stuck with him for the rest of his life. But when his beloved father died in his teens his world was shattered. Sutin makes the point that maybe his rejection of Christianity was a rejection of his father who abandoned him...makes sense to me. Or he was likely to split anyway but his father's death forced the issue. At any rate, in time he would and join and leave the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn, climb several mountains, and travel the world in search of knowledge**. In 1904, in Cairo, his wife would channel a being telling him that he would be the prophet of the New Aeon. Some days later the being would dictate to Crowley himself The Book of the Law, essentially Crowley's Bible for the rest of his life.

From 1904 until his death in 1947 he would constantly strive to make new converts to his teachings and promote the Book itself. I was most amused when he spent his WW I years in the US, writing pro-German articles for a magazine trying to ingratiate himself with British intelligence. For some years he would have a sort of temple dedicated to his beliefs, in Sicily, which would be broken up by Mussolini of all people. He tried to climb K2, but failed halfway through. Crowley would eventually discover sex magic, and which he would practice with his zillions of sex partners. Ultimately he would end up in semi-retirement in England, living off of donations from his followers in America.

Okay on the one hand the book was written in an interesting way. No dryness or boredom here. Crowley's globetrotting was really interesting, as well as his political wrangling with the Golden Dawn. I was surprised to find that beyond being called the Beast, and reveling in his rep as the antichrist, he wasn't actually evil. Okay sure he accidentally killed a guy in India, but I was expecting more baby sacrificing, or Satan summoning, and less soul-searching in the book than there was. It makes him seem more human.

But on the other hand Crowley comes off as king of the assholes. He never holds a friendship for more than a couple of years before he tires of his friend, or the friend leaves in disgust. I mean, part of his teachings was being verbally abusive to his students. He sues his friend for mentioning something bad about him in her book, hoping for free money, but instead loses both what little cash he has and what's left of his rep. Another annoying thing is that he shags a lot of women. Hey, that's great tiger. But after tiny boobed chick #36, I started losing track. As I love saying repetitively, I hate repetition: all these chicks blend together except for his first wife and his greatest love.

Lastly I don't think I really got a grip on his religious beliefs. Thelema and the whole "do what thou wilt" thing was easy. But what's all this about Egyptian gods? Or animal sacrifices? Or demons, mystical beings that possess people, or the true difference between white and black magick? Feh***.

I give it a Meh. Interesting book about an enormous asshole. But at least I know that everything I've ever read about him and satanism is wrong. Good to know.

* - I'm honestly not sure why, since I don't believe in magic or magick. One day I would like to write something, and maybe Doctor Dee or Crowley could get involved. Maybe.
** - It seems that an ancestor started a brewery and he lived off of a trust fund. Crowley does follow the standard Goth model of the spoiled rich kid hating everything, not working, and dressing in lots of black.
*** - For years I have always read the introduction (if there is one) of all the books I buy on the day I buy them. Slightly makes up for the fact I may not actually read it for months or years. Having read the intro last year, I skimmed it this year, so I may have glossed over his introduction to magick.

Weekend Miscellany

2005-10-15T22:59:00.000-04:00

That looks more indistinct than I thought it would. But then again the screencaps of the Jordy Verrell sequences are all dark. Feh, I'm too lazy to change it now.

Finished with my notes for The Mummy's Tomb today. Should have a review (hopefully) by Tuesday. I was thinking of doing a Kolchak episode but I dunno if I have the stamina. There's 5 pages of notes for The Mummy's Tomb and it's only an hour long!

House of Leaves is freakin' awesome so far. I've had a creepy sense of unease ever since I started reading it. I'm hoping it keeps up the creepiness when the weirdness starts.

The Aleister Crowley book was kinda meh. I should have a review up next week. Also next week I'm thinking of that 5 Best/Worst list of horror movies I mentioned a few posts back. But this time I'll think of what I wanna post ahead of time instead of last time where my brainstorming took longer than the actual writing. I was kinda surprised at the amount of crappy books I can remember. I was pretty proud of myself, especially at the ones I recalled before I started keeping a reading list.

That's about it for me. For some reason I was excited to get back into House of Leaves all day but decided to finish Tomb and surf the web instead. Stupid addicting interweb.

Miscellany: But How Can I Help ---When I Left My Spider Suit At Home?

2005-10-14T15:46:00.000-04:00

Can't do much today. While it is my day off, I'm probably going to hang out with my buddy Josh. I sense much RISK: Godstorm playing, perhaps with a mix of Axis and Allies?

I just joined the Dorchester Publishing Hard Case Crime book club. Every month for $7 I'll get two hard-boiled paperbacks from authors like Stephen King, Max Allan Collins, Lawrence Westlake, and more. I am really excited. I've been wanting to try them out for a while and 7 bucks is a steal. That's like a free book a month! Thanks Bookgasm!

One thing I've noticed in the comics section at the Houston Chronicle is that Spiderman sucks. I mean it. True I only read it when I can't get to the AJC's comic section, so it's only like 2 or 3 times a week, but after about 10 months all that's happened in Spiderman is:
- MJ starred in some movie with him.
- Spidey kissed MJ, which caused rumormongers to say he was having an affair with her behind Peter Parker's back. You know, the Marvel Universe must be pretty dense since Peter Parker is obviously Spiderman. How else does he get all those pics, gets constantly confused for him, and can get away with kissing well known soap star Mary Jane Watson? Hmm?
- The movie made fun of the Rhino, who got pissed and had his ass kicked in 2 strips. TWO STRIPS!
- Lately there's been a big scare because ol' Pete had to get a physical...with his Spiderman suit on! What a dumbass! Then, when he gets it sans suit, the doctor says he'll make a mint off spiderblood. How? (And how can Parker get away with having freaky blood without blowing his cover?) Now today he laments suit that he was glad to ditch a month ago. ACK! Where's the asskicking? It's all soap and and no rope-a-dope!
Oh and my final complaint is that Peter Parker looks like he's 45. What the hell? Stan Lee...for shame. Your golden age was in the sixties dude. I wonder if he really needs the money or he just likes working? I mean he's Stan Lee for gods' sakes, he would make a killing on the con circuit.

That's about it for me. Kind incoherent today but that's okay, I'm in a rush. Ciao for now.

5 Worst Books I've Ever Read: The Scarlet Letter

2005-10-13T23:45:00.000-04:00

Synopsis: Hester Prynne, for having a child within 5 years of her husband's death, is forced to wear a red A on all her clothes. And then just hang out for 250 pages.

Ho-lee Shit. I, Mike, have concluded my first series of posts! Awesome! Sure I had to pull this one out of my ass but I did it. I'm sure that proves something...what it is I'm not sure.

So I was torn between this, A Separate Peace, and Ethan Frome for my last worst book. All were pretty damn awful, and I had to read all of them junior year in high school. The reason for A Separate Peace being crappy can be summed up in one sentence: "The narrator loves his buddy Phineas so much that he cripples him so he can't leave him to go off to war". Emphasis on loves, the narrator is a drooling sychophant of Phineas's studly virtue. But after peeking at that one at Amazon, I decided that I couldn't bullshit an entire post out of one sentence without sounding like a homophobe. Ethan Frome sucks, but I'm not sure why. I remember there was much emphasis on a red pickle dish, and ol' Ethan's scheme backfires and he has to take care of not only his shrewish wife but also his shrewish ex-girlfriend. But again, I'm not sure if I can bullshit an entire article. Now that I think about it, I don't think I liked anything from junior year English. No wonder, it was all American Lit, and beyond a little Poe it was a shitfest from beginning to end.

So I settled on The Scarlet Letter, even though again, I don't remember too much. Mercifully. I do like the fact her husband decides to call himself Chillingsworth, which sounds like an evil butler. I remember her boyfriend is a puss who dies at the end. Her daughter is there to be as creepy as that little girl from Dune. Both seem to mouth platitudes way advanced for a little girl, but the creepy girl from Dune gets it because she has the assembled knowledge of all who have tasted the Water of Life. Chillingsworth's slow methodical revenge was a chore. And looking over at Amazon reminded me there was an entire chapter on a rosebush. LAME. I do remember off the top of my head that The House of Seven Gables had an entire chapter devoted to a chicken coop. Apparently Hawthorne took his symbolism a little too seriously. Of course I remember that the puritans shunned ol' Hester Pryne and her weird child. I think she sewed or something. So the whole book was Hester sewing, Puritans shunning, Hester getting it on with Reverend Puss, Chillingsworth plotting, and then...uh...Reverend Puss dying and Hester being shunned for the rest of her life. It looks like Hawthorne took out his "my grampa was a judge during the Salem Witch Trials" guilt by taking it out on me. Thanks asshole. Thanks.

The 5 Worst Books Series! - Empire of Fear, The Stars and Stripes Trilogy, Books I Never Even Finished, Interview with the Vampire, and The Scarlet Letter.

Honorable Mentions: A Separate Peace, Ethan Frome, Wolffile, The Lord of the Rings trilogy, Stranger in a Strange Land, In Stalin's Secret Service, The Watchers Out of Time, Star-Spangled Men: America's Ten Worst Presidents, Colonization: Second Contact, Palace Walk, The Once and Future King, The Rum Diary, Driving Mr. Albert, The Amazing Dr. Darwin, The Paperclip Conspiracy, Cleopatra's Nose, Red Mafiya, A Perfect Spy, The Castle, and Civil War Fantastic.

Capsules: Halloweeny Flicks

2005-10-13T18:01:00.000-04:00

My sis has decreed that we will watch a Halloweenish movie everyday for the rest of October. It doesn't sound like that bad an idea I suppose, even though my Mike-time seems to be getting shorter and shorter everyday.

Anyways I decided, hey, why not throw some reviews up here? They'll be capsules though, since I'm not in the mood to take voluminous notes while watching something with somebody else.

The Faculty - An alien cephalopod comes down and infests an entire high school in Ohio. It was just what I expected: alien invasion teen drama. I was kinda shocked though that the monster was Daisy Adair from Dead Like Me. I wonder why she always plays southerners since Woody Allen sounds more southern than her. I did find it kinda convenient that the invaders were linked to the queen, and if she died than they all did. Wouldn't that make them some sort of hive mind? Of course the highlight of the whole movie is seeing Jon Stewart play the science teacher, who follows his rule of only playing characters who die in movies. Say, if the aliens died when the queen did, then didn't our heroes actually murder Jon Stewart and Bebe Neuwirth?

All in all, despite of the lousy writing I did find it kinda Good for some reason. Daisy Adair is awesome and I've always been a fan of the paranoid Thing rip-off movies.

Killer Klowns from Outer Space - Aliens invade who look like clowns, shoot popcorn guns (and the popcorn is actually Killer Klown eggs if you're wondering), turn people into cotton candy cocoons, and have a big top for a spaceship. Oddly enough this movie didn't do much for me. Chalk it up to seeing it as a kid and being annoyed back then that it wasn't scary or funny. Today I don't really find it that funny. I give it a Bad.

Cursed - Christina Ricci and her brother (who looks eerily like George-Michael from Arrested Development) get infected by a werewolf. 90% of the movie is them getting symptoms of lycanthropy, which frankly is really boring. Oh no, I can smell blood from 60 feet away! Shock! Everyone is attracted to me, even people of the same sex! Horror! I can wrestle really well now, even if I'm a 90 pound weakling. Gasp! Actual fur and fangs werewolves are barely in the movie. Oh and if you were dying to see a Ricci-wolf, don't be, neither her nor her brother actually change at all. But the dog becomes a werewolf, which makes no sense whatsoever. Dogs are descended from wolves! Wouldn't that mean Ricci and George Michael would become wereapes or something?

Feh, I give this one a Bad too. Yet strangely better than most werewolf movies. I did learn one important fact though, sucking the blood of Craig Kilborn will turn you into a ravenous beast. Good to know.

Killer Party - Saw the last thirty minutes. Apparently a sorority decides to throw a party in a haunted house, and one of the sisters gets possessed and kills everybody else. The possessed chick was kinda hot and her on all fours with her tongue out didn't hurt either. Other than that the 30 minutes I saw were astonishingly dull. I liked how the two Final Girls kept bumping into bodies that seemed to randomly come out of nowhere.

I think I'll have to give this one a Crap rating. Chick was hot but I really have no interest in seeing the rest of the flick. And my sis said the rest of the movie is the set-up for the anti-climatic "killer party".

Expect more to come in the weeks ahead!

Miscellaneeee-eeeee-eeeeeeeeween

2005-10-12T21:15:00.000-04:00

I am kinda proud of my overly long movie review post. Why I haven't really cracked a movie review since that Fantastic Four one over a year ago. I think I could start liking this movie reviewer gig, and diminish my growing pile of DVDs. Next up is The Mummy's Tomb, which I got from The Mummy Legacy Collection last week. One thing I learned rather early on is that The Mummy's four sequels are interconnected, but have nothing to do with The Mummy itself. In other words, 1/5 of The Mummy's Tomb is flashback to The Mummy's Hand, but neither have anything to do (beyond a mummy and Egypt) with The Mummy. Feh. Just based on that alone it loses a grade. I hate playing catch-up.

Allllmost done with Aleister Crowley book. I don't care if I'm up at 2 tonite, I'm finishing that fucker. It's almost personal now.

A couple of days ago I finally got my autographed Anansi Boys. Yippee! Gaiman isn't even coming close to here (I was thinking of trying the Charlotte one, until I realized it was a 4 1/2 hour trip - yikes!), so I decided to get a copy from the fine people at Book Passage. They have a shitload of authors stop by and everybody autographs. I'm thinking of getting Mary Roach's latest book from them*. I dunno.

By the way, Neil's autograph looks like "Ner Sine". I initally panicked but found that in general that is his autograph. One thing I learned after my Bruce Campbell book signing** is that authors sign their books really weird. I assume its to prevent counterfeiting.

<-Yesterday I created this icon for halloweeny stuff. Sure, it's kinda lame but it's something I made without help from my sis. It is running kinda late tho, I should add more stuff before it officially becomes a "spooktacular".

I've been enjoying the constant parade of Creepshow pics. Here's the site where I got them. Give a hand to the person that screencapped nearly everything that happened in a movie that only I like. (clap clap) There'll be many more up here before the end of the month.

So yeah, I think that's it. Mummy's Tomb review in a week or so. Maybe a book review in a couple of days. I wanna finish my 5 Worst Books Ever series too. I think I finally found the 5th worst book. It's a bit of a stretch but it'll do. And perhaps do a 5 Best/Worst Horror Movies series. Perhaps.

* - Ya know, I've noticed something with these author tours. Ever since getting a scribble from Bruce Campbell I've been interested in another "author event". But there seems to be an almost a whole red state/blue state thing going on. Terry Pratchett and Mary Roach don't touch the south. Neil Gaiman did, but only NC and Texas. Feh. Maybe no one reads here. Or maybe its because I read a zillion sci-fi/fantasy/history/mystery/horror/biography/science books a year and I don't read crap like The Purpose Driven Life or The 5 People You Meet in Heaven. Must be the latter. The closest I got to being interested in anything faith based was this.
** - Yeah, so I didn't write a post about it, here in my very own bookish blog. In my defense that day kinda sucked. The Cliff's Notes version is that I had to buy another copy of Make Love! The Bruce Campbell Way, get lost in Atlanta, find the art theater, and wait 3 hours in line. I shook his hand and had a couple of words and we left. Lame-o Casey didn't want to see Man with the Screaming Brain and after a 3 hour wait I didn't either. I've been kicking myself ever since. Until I see it that is, then maybe I'll thank my past self.

House on Haunted Hill (1959)

2005-10-11T22:22:00.000-04:00

What husband hasn’t at sometime wanted to kill his wife? What husband hasn’t had a thousand opportunities to do it in such a way so that he’ll never be suspected? – VP’s oh so passionate defense to the accusation that he killed his wife

Dramatis Personae

Frederick Loren (VP) - mysterious wealthy dude. All that's really known about him is that his wives have a nasty habit of dying and that there's four of them. Oh and Vincent Price is always known as VP around here, regardless of character name. House rules.
Annabelle Loren (AB) - VP's current wife. Not really fond of him, in fact she previously tried to poison him.
Lance Schreder, the Pilot (P) - standard 50's hero guy. Kinda bland.
Dr. David Trent, the psychologist (PS) - the standard 50's intellectual guy. Says a lot of psychobabble. Not in the movie much really.
Watson Pritchard, the Nervous Guy (NG) - he's technically the caretaker of the house, but Nervous Guy in my notes so Nervous Guy he stays. You remember the old dude in many horror movies who tells the young half-nekkid teens that whereever they're going is infested with evil/murder/etc? Here is old dude twenty years younger. All he does is warn everybody of ghosts, ghosts, ghosts. My fave non-VP character.
Nora Manning, the Typist (T) - standard 50's heroine, constantly in need of saving and screamaphile. Bit of a nervous nellie.
Ruth Bridgers, the Gossip Columnist (GC) - some old dame. Blink and you miss her.

Synopsis

The movie begins with a lot of screams and howls. I assume this is because Castle thought it would be cheaper than actual animation or something. Then you zoom in on Watson Pritchard (NG), who says something suitably ominous and scary about the house. I like how throughout the film he looks nervous and terrified. Next up is a closeup of Vincent Price (VP) superimposed upon the House itself. Price says how he lured 5 unsuspecting shnooks into his haunted house by offering $10,000 to spend the night. Sounds easy enough, right? BWA-HA-HA! Then we get to the credits proper. Fun fun.

Each character is introducted in their car driving up to the house. Everything they mention you can see in the Dramatis Personae. Really, these characters won't be developed more than that. Next up VP and AB have a friendly chat. He accuses her, she accuses him, yadda yadda. Not much love between these two. You can tell they wanna kill each other. Then the guests have a nice introductory chat. Somewhere around here the precariously hanging chandelier almost crushes the Typist (T), who is saved by the Pilot (P). NG then procedes to take the rest of the guests on a tour of the house's infamies.

A huge bloodstain marks the roof of one room. NG remarks about the murders that occured upstairs...and some of the blood from the old murders his the Gossip Columnist's (GC) hand! Kinda creepy, kinda lame. Next NG shows the guests the cellar, furnished in a typical affluent style with giants wine casks and...vat of steamy acid! Apparently some previous owner acidinated his wife in there.

While the rests of the guests move on upstairs, P & T chat about the terms of the deal. Apparently both really need the cash. I wonder how much $10,000 then is in today's money. Wouldn't that be several new cars? Hmm. Anyhoo, in exploring the cellar P gets locked into an adjacent room. T sees a an old woman in shadows near the entrance to the room. I mean T sees a scary scary ghost outside the cellar. Spooooky. She screams and runs upstairs.

When the guests come back downstairs there is no sign of the ghost and the door in the other room is unlocked. Dun-dun-duuuuun! P says he ran into a wall, NG says a ghost hit him in the head. The rest of the guests return upstairs whilst P & T investigate the other room in the cellar. By now you & I know that P & T are supposed to have the hots for each other. Meh, I've seen better chemistry at a 5th grade science fair. They tap the wall and find a weird hollow sound. P leaves the room to go to the other side of the wall. But behind T there is the old woman again! With milky white eyes and a goofy "angry cat" expression. She floats away among the screams of T. They both leave.

On the second floor, P bumps into AB. AB is curious as to why VP picked him, of all people. He says he doesn't know. She also tries to get him on her side, saying that all of VP's previous wives disappeared or died. P leaves with much food for thought. Then VP enters and tries to convince her to join the party. Honestly, I didn't notice she wasn't there the whole time. She refuses, they argue, he pulls her hair back for like 2 seconds and then she agrees. Man, that was the easiest caving-in ever. I need to keep that in mind when I have an argument with my murderous spouse in a haunted house.

VP then goes into the parlor to remind the guests that the party begins at midnight. Who knew? Then all this hanging out wasn't the party? Is that when the cheez doodles get handed out? Huh? Anyhoo, T goes upstairs to her room for some reason. I guess it's to show us her room. She opens a box to reveal - The Fakest Head I've Ever Seen! Seriously, the half-heads the inmates who escaped from Alcatraz made were more realistic. Screaming some more, she runs down the hall and leans against a wall where she is grabbed by some old dude. He mutters something about coming with him before everyone is killed and she runs off to the parlor.

T demands an explanation from VP. Just then the doors open creepily and in shambles the old dude and old woman, who apparently are the caretakers of the house (waitaminute I thought NG was the caretaker!), as well as being those charged with taking the keys to the outside away at midnite. VP says she’s blind you know. No shit, I just thought she enjoyed white contacts. In walks AB, and for the first time everyone in the house is in one room. Or at least all the living people, bwa ha. VP then asks anyone if they want to leave. Just then a whistling wind goes through the chandelier (I assume the parlor is crawling with them, or maybe the old couple reinstalled it when we weren't looking) and then the old couple has vanished, and the doors are locked. Dun-duuuuun! It looks like nobody is coming out...alive!

What I haven't mentioned yet, and the movie hasn't alluded to, is that whenever the parlor is shown there is a table with a bunch of tiny coffins on it. They're pretty cool tiny coffins I must say. Dunno what I'd do with them. Anyway, VP makes a big emphasis on this being his wife's party, and that it was his wife's idea to have a lot of tiny coffins...with revolvers in them! NG says and I quote, "These are no good against the dead, only the living". Which is what I thought. What better way to waste your spouse then shooting her and claiming she was a ghost? AB says she needs no gun, so VP puts it back. This seems significant to me but doesn't turn out to be. Aww. Then T makes a big scene, with much yelling, that there was a head in her room. She invites everyone to go up and see. As I said in my notes, I can see where this is going.

Of course the head is missing. T yells for everyone to leave her room. In the hallway, P tries to get GC to talk to her. Holy shit, it's the gossip columnist! I forgot about her. Frankly I don't know why she is in this movie. They should've gotten a cool guest star like...uh...some old chick who would be willing to act in a C-grade picture. NG says that the ghosts are after her, and that being surrounded by a million people couldn’t save her. That's pretty interesting. Ghosts in House on Haunted Hill predate The Grudge by nearly 50 years, even if they only get cameos. PS tells VP that the strain is getting to her and she should take a sedative or something, thereby fulfilling the only reason why he's here - psychobabble. I've omitted some of his other lines, mainly because his psychobabble gets old after a while.

Later, P goes into T's room and finds her missing. Instead he finds...a severed head in the closet! Man, is that one fake. Based on this I did learn that the previous occupant was a brutish neanderthal though. Good to know. P brings the noggin downstairs, demanding an explanation. NG says that "they" have her now and she'll soon be one of them! Good riddance I say. She's kinda cute but gets hysterical too easily. P gets a bit angry at this, but in the midst of their argument there is a loud thunk. What is at the top of the stairs but a dangling female body! (Or a thin dude in a dress, har har) You know I could never tell what she was hanging from, just that it was at the top of the stairs. They call for VP and lo, it's not T who's dead but in fact Annabelle! For some reason I assumed it was her the whole time, especially since they called out VP.

VP says it was suicide. Perhaps. P wanders down the hall and bumps into T, who says VP tried to strangle her. When pressed she can't really recall if it was VP or not. Tsk tsk. She does assume ol' Vincent Price hates her but for no reason, I think. PS knocks on the door, calling for a meeting downstairs.

Next we look upon VP looking upon AB. He says something to the effect of "so beautiful, so greedy, so cold". But who is in the room but NG? VP strangles info out of him, info like she has become one of "them" now. VP says he's drunk. I say this scene is silly. Then everyone but the Typist gathers in the parlor. VP accuses one of the guests of murdering his wife. Even my jaw dropped on this one, I mean why would any one of them do it? I mean they're all random people! C'mon Vincent Price! Naturally everyone else accuses him, prompting the weird quote at the beginning of this post. PS says that everyone should stay in their room, since only the guilty would have a reason to leave.

The next montage is neat-o. NG whips out the gun he didn't believe in before(!) and cocks it. Vincent Price shatters his wine glass for no reason. I guess because the dead offed his no good unattractive wife before he could. Good luck getting revenge on the ghosts getting revenge on you dude. PS takes his sweet time in lighting some candles and writes in his notebook. He's a psychologist you see. Just in case you forgot. GC has blood drip on her hand from nowhere. Kiss goodbye to the gossip columnist 'cuz you'll never see her again. P checks in on T, which should make her highly suspect of him due to PS's comment earlier, but never mind. He says that VP likely killed AB since she said he would, then P leaves. My that was fast. Then there are a bunch of thunderclaps. A rope comes thru the window and sloooowly wraps itself around T's feet. I mean come on, you totally could've ran downstairs in half the time it took to wrap around your dainty feet. But when she looks outside the window there's...Annabelle! Big scream, rope unwraps from feet. She runs out the door – AB hanging from top of stairs looking at her! Scream! Slimy zombie hand tries to grab her – another scream. She runs downstairs and calls for P.

But downstairs the piano plays itself. Honestly I've seen old timey pianos do that, its not a big deal. Now that baby grand piano at Fry's, that is neat. I bet that is played by the damned. She runs off. PS and VP chat, they resolve to figure out who left their room. They split up. PS goes to AB’s room and says “it’s almost over my darling”. She takes a deep breath and gets up. No..way..she..was..faking..it. He helps her take off her hanging harness. Apparently the whole house was a gag, trying to get T to ice VP. She acts all submissive all of the sudden, doubting their scheme. He reassures her, foolproof plan, yadda yadda.

Home stretch now. T is in the cellar, gun out. VP appears behind her, she shoots him. Vincent Price, nooo! PS comes out of the shadows and drags VP to acid pit. The screen goes black, there is a scream and the hiss of acid. What gives? AB goes into the cellar looking for PS. And lo, a human skeleton pops out of the vat of acid! I gotta give them props: I can't see the string. Or maybe that's the okay picture quality on my DVD. Anyway, the disembodied voice of VP blames her for his death, she’ll never enjoy the cash, yadda yadda. The skeleton and AB actually circle around the room. True I would be scared shitless of the undead, but I'd also take into account the handy acid pit trapdoor. She backs up to the edge of the pit, then the skeleton pushes her in! YES! A skeleton can push a grown woman! I love you 50's cheese! She presumably dies. Or all that alka seltzer cleared her digestion. Whichever.

Ho ho! VP walks out the shadows, trailing wires and a pulley system. He was controlling a puppet strong-enough-to-push-a-grown-woman skeleton! He figured out their brilliant scheme and foiled it! The rest of the guests free P from hallway and come downstairs to see VP still alive. VP explains himself, the guns were loaded with blanks, AB tripped in, I swear. NG says that there are 9 ghosts now, and they will come for him next. Then they will come for you! I know I'm scared, how about you? The door shuts, a disembodied dude voice laughs offscreen and the flick ends.

Analysis

So basically this is a big Scooby Doo movie, right? I mean the only thing remotely ghostly was the blood dripping on the gossip columnist. Everything else can be construed to driving T insane. I guess I came in assuming it would be like the remake they made a couple of years ago, but I think the point of that one was like those Scooby Doo movies on Cartoon Network. Now we're to the point where there actually are monsters instead of Old Man Withers trying to scare away punk teens.
In terms of characters VP was of course, the man. I liked NG just because he was so nervous all the time. Our heroes P and T were pretty bland. And PS and GC were barely in the movie enough for me to form an opinion.
Honestly I think this one gets high marks for not boring me. Pretty rare from an obscure crap movie. Definitely worth that dollar I paid for it.

Grade

Good - Not a bad movie overall, even if the twists were predictable and there are no ghosts

Miscellany: Blah Blah Monday Mornin'

2005-10-10T10:20:00.000-04:00

Nothing really fancy to report today, I just wanted an excuse to put up another picture from Creepshow.

It looks like Michelle moved away in Curtis. YEEES! For some reason I've always read Curtis, even though the whole "Curtis loves Michelle enough to stalk her but she never gives him the time of day" thing always bugged the shit outta me.

I might be done with Aleister Crowley book tonite. Definitely heading towards Meh on that one. Not sure what's next. Lovecraft? House of Leaves? Mammoth Book of New Horror? Dunno.

Now I've got a love/hate thing with Powers book. On the one hand I've waited 4 years and I'm mucho excited to read another book from him. Yippee. But on the other hand I've just plunked down $100 more than I should have. After two weeks of hideously broke Mike I'm down to mostly broke Mike. Should I be in the mood to oh eat or something I'll have to have BK or (shudder) Subway.

Speaking of that hellhole, I gotta go to work, so this post won't be proofread. Hope there's not too many egregious errors. Hopefully (cross fingers) I can post the review of House on Haunted Hill tonite so I can watch/review another horror movie tomorrow. I'm thinking of one of the Mummy movies. 3 of them are only an hour and a minute long! Hell, I could possibly do two in one day! But I won't because I'm lazy. Ah-ha-ha.

Miscellany: The Weekend Edition

2005-10-08T20:36:00.000-04:00

Well, I learned that excessive italics causes my sidebar to have a heart attack. That sucks. Technically I could reattach part 2 to part 1 to create the 100th mega post but I officially don't care anymore. I need to ditch milestones until I have an actual one like say 500. I guess.

Next I hope to have a review up of the original House on Haunted Hill. I've loved b-movie sites for so long I've tried my hand at a review of my own. So far my style seems to be mostly 3-B Theater, with a smidge of badmovies.org. Should be here in a couple of days. One thing I found out is that I should do a review in a day or two of seeing the movie, even with my notes some scenes aren't too fresh in my mind.

Holy. Fucking. Shit. Tim Powers is finally coming out with a new book! :-D It's called Three Days to Never. He's definitely up there in my fave authors list, he's one of the few where I've tracked down everything they've written. I've already preordered it. So excited! So excited!

Aleister Crowley's bio is taking a zillion years to finish. I've still got like 250 pages to go. I don't know what to say. It is interesting but not as interesting as I thought it would be. I've found that when I look for Halloween non-fiction like voodoo or say a well known satanist, the truth of the matter is that fiction is more dark then truth. I suspect next year I should try true crime or something for some evil reading. The Rise & Fall of the Third Reich. Huckleberry Finn. Something like that.

100th Mega Post pt2, Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying And Not Care About Xth Posts

2005-10-06T23:47:00.000-04:00

Finally fixed the problem with the sidebar - sort of. Apparently ginormous amounts of italics are bad, but tiny font is good. Good to know.

Deleted Posts

Generally whenever I save a draft for later I totally forget about it for months, long after whatever I was ranting about has lost its effectiveness. But I thought, hey, why not post these fragments here? Could be fun.

1. Here's one from last month where I was thinking of reviewing all the new shows of the season I've seen. Not followed up because I wasn't sure where to go next.

I haven't been this excited about a new season since I was in middle school (if by excited, you mean vaguely interested as opposed to boycotting television altogether). Here's a couple of new shows I experienced: Threshold Premise: Aliens mutate (or "bioform") people into becoming more like them instead of actually invading. Carla Gugino is the stereotypical boss chick. Data from Star Trek: TNG is the stereotypical doctor/pathologist/all around medico with a bit of a wife problem. Yawn. Some dude from Felicity is the nervous hacker dude. A little person is the stripper lovin' linguist/miscellaneous genius guy. And there's the mercenary muscle dude, there to shoot things because all the other characters are nervous nerds, and to be the future love interest for Carla Gugino.

This season's checklist: Threshold is Bad. How I Met Your Mother and My Name is Earl are Good. I wanna try another episode of Night Stalker but so far it sucks too.

2. This one is from late January. For a while there I was thinking of putting up what books I've bought and telling a little about them. But then I lost interest as the books started piling up. Besides, sidebar is way cooler than taking up a whole post on every book I buy. Why, that would start looking like that looney guy that posts his Wal-Mart receipts.

You know, I think I went nuts with the book buying this month. Y'see, normally I buy around 15 or so. That's almost standard, no matter how much I try to buy less. (Not that it matters that I read about 8-10 books a month). But this month, oh boy, lookee at the list -
Dark Horse - the story of the election of James Garfield. Way better than you'd think, you cynic you.
The Coyote Kings of the Space Age Bachelor Pad - something about two nerd buddies who meet an alien and hilarity ensues. I think. It did get glowing remarks at Amazon and it did sound pretty cool.
Cocaine: An Unauthorized Biography - the story of cocaine, from the Incas to the cartels. I'm a sucker for anything with A History or A Biography on the end. Next up: Cardboard: A History.
The John Varley Reader - Varley is one of my fave sci-fi writers and here is his kind of greatest hits collection. True, most of them I've read before, but those anthologies are buried in here somewhere and there's 5 new stories.
Sun Yat-Sen - some months back I read a biography of Mao that was sadly lacking, so I stuck a couple of biographies of major Chinese historical figures on my wishlist. Sun is interesting not only as the father of the Nationalists but the Communists claim him as a forebear as well.
The Portrait of Mrs. Charbuque - so both Michael Moorcock's Wizardry and High Romance and RevSF said that this book is frickin' amazing, although I fail to see any fantasy elements from the plot description. But I have been in the mood to dip my toes into the New Weird, so we'll see.
Prisoner of the Vatican - about the formation of modern Italy. Apparently the Pope was against giving up all his temporal powers but was forced to by er others. I don't know who, but this here book will tell me.
Time of the Twins/War of the Twins/Test of the Twins - last month I re-read Dragonlance: Chronicles, and afterwards I felt it was high time for me to finally finish Dragonlance: Legends. Sure, it took over ten years but at least it'll get done. Eventually.
The Know-It-All - the story of a guy who wanted to read the Encyclopedia Brittanica from A-Z. Probably the first or second nonfiction book I read this month...it sounds both hilarious and interesting.
McSweeney’s Chamber of Astonishing Stories - McSweeney's does a fantasy anthology and it's not supposed to suck. How could I resist? I've been McSweeney's bitch lately.
The Gumshoe, The Witch, and the Vanishing Corpse
English as She Is Spoke
From the OSS to the Green Berets
Inside the Soviet…
The Polysyllabic Spree
To Ruhleben – and Back
Lady into Fox
The Shape We’re In
Manhunt
Mussolini
The Invisible Country
Beyond Apollo
Bizarre Books
Sixpence House

Since then I've read 6 of those books. Eh, January's books are hard to get to. I'm not sure where that box is. I've given up on McSweeney's, since that first ish of The Believer was awesome but the rest have sucked. S-U-C-K-E-D. I like the "way better than you'd think, you cynic you". Tee hee.

3. Lastly, here's a post from last year on Amazon reviews. I had spent an afternoon like I normally do, looking around Amazon for a book or two, when I noticed every book I looked at seemed to have one or two psycho reviewers who say the weirdest shit on their reviews. I think I was jealous since my reviews have been turned down over there but since I left their censors have been less anal. Way less anal. More than likely I ditched writing this post because I didn't want to come across as a political extremist.

Well, this is gonna be short since I should be leaving in ten minutes, but I wanted to vent my frustration and there's nobody around so it looks like you get to hear all about it. This morning I was looking up a book on Mussolini. Okay, some background: politically I would say I'm right of center. I am conservative in a lot of things, but I don't believe in kneeling before organized religion or big business. A couple of years ago I was really into reading communist histories, at least until I took a class in Russian history and realized how depressing and evil it all was. I wouldn't say I myself was communist but I was interested in the ideology and symbolism of communism (I still think the hammer and sickle look cool for some reason, probably too much Red Alert 1 & 2). Plus I like politics and history, and communism was the only alternative to capitalism for a while, and I know all about capitalism.

Lately I've thought about reading some histories of fascism, the looney tunes rightist analogue of communism. Again, I'm no fascist, but I like both politics and history and the subject of fascism is virtually untaught in schools. And to the subject of my mini-rant: Amazon reviewers. I couldn't say a book sucked but these wackos can say anything on these books. The ones that annoy me the most are those that promote the reviewer's personal bugbear at the expense of actually reviewing the book.

The closest I am to any established political party is libertarianism. I'm with them until they go into la-la land with an anarchy with a heavily armed populace. On one online quiz I turned out to be a lefty libertarian. Both fascists and commies are either evil or delusional. So make of that what you will.

the hell?

2005-10-06T01:37:00.000-04:00

you know what i hate? when my sidebar wigs out for no reason. too tired to fix it now, try back later.

(Added 11:36) :-( It looks like my post may be way too long, I think I'll have to cut it in half. 100th post spectacular ruined! :-( :*-(

100th Mega Post pt 1

2005-10-06T01:34:00.000-04:00

Damn you Walt Whitman, I hate you Walt freaking Whitman! Leaves of Grass my ass! - Homer Simpson, episode 3F06 Mother Simpson

Haha! You read books! - Bart

Books

Going Postal by Terry Pratchett

Synopsis: The thief Moist van Lipwig is rescued from the hangman’s noose only on one condition, he must run Ankh-Morpork’s post office. While trying to find a way out of his situation he encounters golems, evil capitalists, and the true price of mail that is undelivered.

One thing I definitely enjoyed about this next to latest book in the Discworld series is that it seemed a return to the olden days of Moving Pictures, Soul Music, or even Guards! Guards!. Lately Pratchett loves to have real bad guys* as the villains, while I always enjoyed the more abstract bad guy. In fact I think that Reacher Gilt, while having a really cool name, was the only downside, being yet another greedy evil capitalist. Yawn.

But I found Moist to be one of my favorite one-shot heroes. I enjoyed reading of his past exploits in thievery and I even liked the whole redemption angle. I liked his chain smoking love interest chick. I loved the golems, especially the 19,000 year old one. Overall I think I enjoyed the story and call this one one of the better recent Discworld books. I’d give it a Good.

*Businessmen, aristocrats, murderers. I long for the good old days full of evil baby cities, or rock n’ roll or something.

Postcards from the Brain Museum

Synopsis: A history of the link between preserved brains and intelligence, from the weighing of Lord Byron’s brain to MRIs.

Well, ultimately while I did find this book interesting, it was a bit too dry for my taste. There was a lot of repetitiveness, since 19th century brain doctors tended to run together. Plus some of his lengthy explanations of brain stuff caused my eyes to glaze over. I wish there were more diagrams – or even one picture of a brain with all the areas he talks about highlighted. Speaking of pictures, I also wish there was a picture of all the myriad “brain men” he discusses. And lastly, Burrell seemed to cite The Mismeasure of Man by Stephen Jay Gould and Broca’s Brain by Carl Sagan a lot. I’m not saying he combined those two books into this one, but if I’m ever interested in brain crap again and Ramachandran is unavailable I’d pick up one of those two books instead of this one.

I think it just squeezes into a Good rating. Not a brain book I’d recommend like this one, but I think the interesting facts outweigh the dry boredom. Fun Fact: We don’t know diddly about intelligence and the brain, even today. Other than the fact it was smaller than average, Einstein’s brain tells us nothing of the genius within. Fun Fact 2: The society of brain boys that removed each others’ brains at death went down in flames due to some newbie dropping Walt Whitman’s brain.

(This book also reminded me of Driving Mr. Albert. He even mentions it in the Einstein chapter. But while that book caused me to squeal in agony, this book was actually decent. Stay away from Driving Mr. Albert. Very far away.)

Killdozer!

The third in the collected stories of Theodore Sturgeon series. Frankly I didn't think this one was as good as the other one. However that doesn't mean it sucks outright. Here is a breakdown, story by story.
1 • Blabbermouth • An average joe bumps into a girl with an unusual power. Very similar to Ghost of a Chance, but different.
26 • Medusa • A weird story about a planet that drives everyone who comes near it crazy.
48 • Ghost of a Chance • See Blabbermouth. In this case the lovely young girl has horrible luck with men. Strangely weird horrible luck.
65 • The Bones • A dude creates a device that when attached to a bone can help a viewer "see" how that living thing died. Nice ending.
84 • The Hag Séleen • An evil hag haunts a family. The first story in the book with a precocious kid. It feels like every story has one.
104 • Killdozer! • An energy being inhabits a bulldozer, which then procedes to murder every human it comes across. The biggest story in the book for me, before this series came out I only knew of Theodore Sturgeon as "that killdozer guy". Not as good the second time I think, probably due to a lot of technical stuff about bulldozers. Also the first of the "bulldozer" type stories in this book. Sturgeon was having the worst case of writer's block in his life and I think he felt that his recent experience in construction during WWII would help him overcome it.
177 • Abreaction • A guy and his bulldozer hop into a parallel dimension. I slept thru part of this story and didn't care much.
190 • Poor Yorick • A dude in the war sends a gruesome memento to his wife: a skull. Easiest. Twist. Ever.
194 • Crossfire • Essentially a short short story of a soldier writing a letter home. There didn't seem to be much of a point to the story, at least that I could see. Maybe that was why it was unpublished.
197 • Noon Gun • A guy stands up to some bullying. No speculative fiction elements at all. Not as bad as I thought it'd be, but I don't get the story of the noon gun itself. Stand up to your fears? Hmm?
211 • Bulldozer Is a Noun • The best of the unpublished stories. A historian in the future (where history is taboo) is needed to help with a thorny issue called mining. In this case the whole bulldozer thing was kinda funny.
227 • August Sixth, 1945 • Very artsy. I believe it meant that while everyone else was calling science fiction pulp crap, science fiction writers predicted the a-bomb and feared for its consequences. I think. Kinda cool though, even if I'm not sure I got it.
231 • The Chromium Helmet • Supposedly the story that changed Sturgeon's writing style. Certainly the one that got him out of the writer's block that was plaguing him. A scientist and his buddy investigate the reason why their wives are believing their dreams had come true. I liked it more than Killdozer!, if that's worth anything.
283 • Memorial • A rogue scientist creates what he believes will stop war for all time. Obvious ending but still chilling and effective.
297 • Mewhu's Jet • A family encounters a weird little silver man and his tiny propulsion system. Obvious influence for E.T. Although I like tiny silver man with a mustache better, so there.
Overall I think it edges into Good. I'm intrigued enough to plough ahead, after all I'm almost to the 50's, which is Sturgeon's golden age.

Comics

Good times. It does seem that I only talk about comics on made-up ocaissions like a 50th or 100th post. Notice I don't put them on the books I purchased/read sidebar? Comics aren't books! I don't care how you abbreviate them!

* The Essential Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spiderman #1 - More fun than I thought it'd be. If you don't mind cheesy reading, I'd recommend it. Don't get too attached to the villains though, practically all of them are future Wizard trivia questions.
* The Essential Tomb of Dracula #1 - After Spectacular I expected more cheese but was surprised to find that this one was actually...good. I would definitely enjoy more of this series and would recommend it whole-heartedly to anybody. I especially like Marvel's Dracula, he's like if Doctor Doom was a vampire, all haughty and posturing.
* Billy the Kid's Old Timey Oddities 1 & 2 - Fun so far. Billy the Kid fakes his death and gets enlisted by a freak show to steal a gem from Doctor Frankenstein. Definitely want to pick up the other two.
* Yuggoth Creatures 1 - An old man recalls his adventures encountering beasties from the Cthuhlu mythos. Much fun to be had spotting the Lovecraftian monster, even if it's amazingly unscary. Must find the other two.
* XIII 1 - FINALLY! Ever since playing the XIII game I've wanted to read the comic, even going so far as to looking up the comics to buy...but alas they're all in French. Three were published in English in the 80's, I tracked down 2 and gave up. Now some new company is going to publish the whole series! But I can't seem to find any other issues. I wonder if anyone bought the first one. Probably not since it doesn't involve a chick with big titties.
* The New West 1 - Terrorists detonate an EMP device over LA, causing the whole city to revert to primitive technology for 5 years. Our hero is a former cop forced to find the mayor's daughter. I thought it was okay, and will probably track down the other issue, but I'm in no rush.
* The Walking Dead: Days Gone Bye - Typical post-apocalyptic zombie scenario, guy wakes up in hospital to find the world crawling with "those things". Good but sloooooooooow. And what luck his family actually survives. Lame. Would borrow or rent it but not buy one.

Well, I was going to post some movie reviews too but this post is getting really long so that will have to wait for another time. See you in the next 50!

5 Worst Books I've Ever Read: Interview with the Vampire

2005-10-04T18:01:00.000-04:00

Book-a-Minute synopsis: Louis, a vampire, tells his life story to a reporter.

And now, to get into the spirit of October, Interview with the Vampire. Keep in mind I read this book when I was eleven. To begin with, here's a longer plot synopsis, just for kicks. For starters, Louis is a whiny bitch who cries a lot, refuses to bite people for centuries, and creates his own undead whiny brat girl for no reason. Louis ices Lestat, his maker, for no reason other than he is a meanie-head. Undead whiny brat girl convinces him to go to Europe to find out the origin of vampirism, but then discovers that Euro-pires are brainless ghouls.* On returning to America, the not dead Lestat ices undead whiny brat girl (which caused me to cheer, hooray hooray) which causes Louis to cry some more. At some point Louis's plantation burns down. And Christian Slater gets bitten by Tom Cruise at the end, proving that Tom Cruise is a creepy Brad Pitt stalker.

Three things ruined this whole book for me. One is that Louis is again a whiny bitch. Even at 11 I wanted a hero with more vim and vigor. Now the only hero that can get away with being whiny in my book is the brooding contemplative type, like Elric or Morpheus. Two is that the undead whiny brat girl got on my fucking nerves. Everything she said was like a knife in my eye. I mean, it must kinda suck having an adult brain and a 9 year old's body**, but man what a bitter bitch. Let me cheer again that she dies. Hooray! Lastly, there was a third reason I could not put my finger on for years. Then it hit me. They're gay! Ooooh, right. No wonder he's all mopey and nobody seems to bite hot chicks. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, I'm just not into it. Especially at eleven years old.

Next up is...even I'm not sure what's next. Short of reading something terrible on purpose, I'll probably just put a review of Fuckleberry up.

* - Later, presumably, the origin of vampirism would be Akasha, the queen of the damned. On a semi-related note, who knew the movie's sequel would be even worse than the original? Blech.
** - Does Louis like, love love her? I mean, I was 11 so I wasn't looking into that sort of thing, but the movie kinda implied it. I don't care if her mind is 1000 years old she still looks 9. Eww. Then again my sis tells me that in The Vampire Lestat, Lestat turns his mom into a vampire and they do the dirty deed. A lot. Double Eww.

Miscellany: Tired, so tired

2005-10-04T01:52:00.000-04:00

Well, I'm in the mood to post something today, even if it isn't much. Just to pad the time between now and 100th post I guess. But nothing too much, since I am pretty tired and have to wake up at the crack of 10am for work.

- Finished Killdozer!. Expect longer review later, but the short of it is that I liked it. Not as good as Microcosmic God, but what is? Started Do What Thou Wilt, a biography of Aleister Crowley. What an egomanaical whack-o. His mom called him the anti-Christ at 11 years old. I'm digging it but it's slow going. I keep expecting some point where he goes AH HA! and gets into magick and stuff. Just hasn't happened yet. So far it seems I have done about as much magic as he has. But he still hasn't left the Golden Dawn yet.

- The AJC is taking phonecalls and e-mails to stop Family Circus. If you were a steady reader or lived in Atlanta I would urge you to call and e-mail them to stop this vile atrocity from polluting the newspaper. I can't stand Family Circus. Hell is reading nothing but this cutesy not-funny old fart PC really not funny trash.

- Both Kolchak: The Night Stalker and Alfred Hitchcock Presents: Season 1 come out this week. Ack. And I was thinking of getting The Mummy and maybe this too. Gee, and I don't even remember the last time I watched one of my own DVDs. Except TV shows, maybe. I'm hoping that will change tho, if my computer's DVD player can handle screencaps...

- Speaking of screencaps, I've found a website where they screencaped practically every scene in Creepshow. Seeing as how it's one of my favorite films, expect some pics around here in Octobre.

- Lastly, Bruce Sterling talks about The Crystal World. Of the weird undercurrent throughout the novel that the main characters don't really care about the crystal menace overtaking the world he says "It’s not even a question of anybody needing to understand what’s going on in any kind of instrumental way. On the contrary, the whole structure of the thing is just this kind of ecstatic surreal acceptance." I guess that's what annoyed me so much: the gimmick of the book was that the world was turning into crystal and noone cared about that at all. Even at the end there's a kind of "huh, that crystal will eventually overrun the swamp...oh well" kinda vibe. Bo-ring. Your gimmick sucked me in, I don't really care for bait and switching.

Miscellany: Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

2005-10-02T16:21:00.000-04:00

It would have been Groucho Marx's 115 birthday today. Awesome! As a minor celebration, here is a page of random Groucho quotes.

I've enjoyed writing my 5 Worst Books series, but am now in a quandry. Technically the Habsburg book and Fuckleberry would have made a nice set of reviews, but I've already mentioned them. I was thinking of putting Wolffile* in there but I thought about it this morning and realized I don't remember enough of the book to trash it. Hmm.

100th post is rapidly approaching. I realized the other day that to any other blog is this no big deal. But 100 posts to me is huge, just because I thought I would've given this thing up by March but instead have been here over a year. Coolness. Now just to find celebratory junk. Hmmm.

* - Hee hee, I never noticed it looked like "waffle". Werewaffle? There waffle!

5 Worst Books I've Ever Read: (tie) Books I've Never Even Finished

2005-10-02T01:13:00.000-04:00

Today's look at past literary turds focuses on books so boring I couldn't finish them. Also included are books so boring that I did "finish" them by skipping the middle.

* History of the Habsburg Empire: 1526-1918 - A book which has the dubious honor of being The Dullest Book Ever Written. Oh yes, I'm sure some have tried but all have failed. Not only does the author spend the first 50 or so pages on the land where the Habsburgs come from, but then he procedes for the next hundred or so pages on the Habsburgs in the 1300s, in the most excruciatingly dull way possible. There may be a decent book on the history of the Habsburg dynasty in English, but this one ain't one of them. Skipped it after trying for 2 days.

* Wizards of Langley - Unfortunately the last book I would read in college. After so many awesome reads, its sad that my last memories of Knoxville would be tarnished with a book totally devoted to spy satellites and government bureaucracy. I've read better books on the former and don't give a flying flip about the latter. And trust me, 90% of the book is bureaucracy. Yawn. Skipped after about a week of trying. Did get about 2/3 of the way thru.

* Venona: Decoding Soviet Espionage in America - As stated before, one of my pet peeves is repetition. And this whole damn book is a listing of everyone who was actually a communist in the government. Interesting? Not really. All of them had such similar backgrounds (even their wives!) that I couldn't tell them apart. The only difference between any of the spies was when the book would switch sections, i.e. from say government bureaucrats (Yawn) to the military establishment. I think I got a third of the way thru before realizing that there are more interesting books out there I could be reading instead of slogging through this.

* The Greek Myths 1 - I don't think I really went into detail as to how dull this book was. Robert Graves came up with some theory on the White Goddess and how she ties in with everything, and the Greek Myths was published as proof of his pet theory. Remember repetition? Well, Graves would put up 5 different versions of the same damn story. That's not fun reading! I don't care about the white goddess! Where's my Labors of Herakles? Jason and the Argonauts? Even his version of Cronos/Zeus origin myth was duller than watching my computer defrag. Gave up after 3 days and about a hundred pages in.

* Huckleberry Finn - I had to read this one for school. While I was a good boy and would diligently read from cover to cover some of the lamest kiddie crap ever offered, this piece of poo was so bad I had to skip bits of the middle just to slog my way through. Huckleberry Finn is bar none the worst thing I had to read in school and possibly the worst fiction I have ever read. Any university nabob who would declares this POS essential Americana can curl up and die. It is the only book I wish they would burn instead of Harry Potter and Beatles albums.**

* The William Ashbless Memorial Cookbook & On Pirates - Last year I was in the mood for a Tim Powers novel, but alas, he was still writing one (and is still writing one as I type this). So instead I turned to some hitherto unsearched for Powersian stuff, including the cookbook and On Pirates, both cowritten with his buddy James Blaylock. I had assumed The William Ashbless Memorial Cookbook was to cooking what the Dr. Lambshead's Guide to Eccentric and Discredited Diseases was to epidemiology. I was wrong, it was a straight cookbook. $40 for a cookbook I will never use. Ick. And On Pirates was a short story and a couple of poems on pirates, none of which was that interesting. I'm beginning to believe James Blaylock sucks. That would explain why two of his stories in Thirteen Phantasms made me want to kill myself.

* Hitler's Spies - You know, I remember this was excruciatingly dull, but I don't remember why. Hmm. I think it was because the author loved going into minute detail on everything. That and the Nazis were a bunch of incompetant morons. True I'm glad they were incompetant morons, but it makes for dull reading. Skipped to the end.***

* The Oxford History of the Roman World - Ah, my second history book. My first was Presidential Campaigns, which was so good I realized that I could read history and enjoy it. It opened up a new genre for me and I will always have a fond memory in my heart for that book. This one, on the other hand, showed me the other side of history books: an amazingly dull listings of facts and figures, unfamiliar place names and dead people. Plus this book had an especial interest in Roman literature, which I couldn't give a hoot in Hades about. Ick.

* The Idea of Decline in Western History - Again, another one of those I don't remember all that well. I do remember it seemed to be what philosophers from the early 19th century to today thought about the decline of western culture. I don't remember what made it so dull though. I got about 3/4 of the way thru, then skipped to the end.

* A Concise History of France - This one I skipped big chunks of to fit it in before the end of the month. I've got quotas you see. Bits of it were interesting though, especially politics and history. But the bit on grain yields dissolved my eyes.

* The Crystal World - Mentioned here before. Once I realized it wasn't a novel on the world turning into crystal but instead a novel on a dude gettting his girlfriend out of a madman's clutches in the middle of a jungle I skipped to the end. Where more of the jungle is turning into crystal, how odd. Lame. Also one of my favorite reviews, so I guess something good came out of it.

* The Napoleon Options - Well, what I thought would be a cool book of Napoleonic alternate history scenarios is really just a list of battles and how Napoleon could have won them. Nothing else, just battles that didn't happen. Wargamers suck. Skipped after the first 50 pages. Also published by De Capo press.****

* O Greenest Branch! (added on 10/4) - Puritans from America arrive in a hitherto unexplored nation hidden in the mountains of Africa. Supposedly an alternate history, or maybe a satire. I actually found it kinda weird that every character was gay or in the closet. All of them. Plus I didn't really like any of the characters and found the plot hard to follow.

Alright, that's about it for today. For the most part, even if it's so boring it causes my hair to fall out I still read it. But these....these books are special cases. G'nite everybody.

** - Too late to go into why I hated ol' Huck so much. My revitalized blog writing senses tell me there will be a later Fuckleberry Hinn post.
*** - I did find it was published by De Capo press. They specialize in military books, the kind of books for people who can tell a regiment from a brigade or an attack from a skirmish. In other words, military books written for military nerds. Hey, if there can be sports nerds then there can be army nerds too. Double yawn.
**** - Only slightly more dull than this. Oh, and it was the first book I sold in 2005.

5 Worst Books I've Ever Read: (Tie)Stars & Stripes Series

2005-10-01T00:12:00.000-04:00

Synopsis: Prince Albert dies earlier than he does in our history, and in such a way as to further escalate British rage with the North over the Trent Affair. But instead of landing...whereever they were supposed to...the British expeditionary force lands in Biloxi and then procede to rape and pillage the town. This outrages the South so much they reform with the North, ignore that whole minor "slavery" thing, and jointly kick England's ass. In the next book they liberate Ireland. I am told in the 3rd book they take the war to British soil, but I'm probably going to wait another few years before picking up that one.

Let me just say that Harry Harrison is a kick ass writer. Why my high school reading experience would be sadder without the Stainless Steel Rat and Hammer & The Cross series...es. But I think he's been living in Ireland a bit too long...the English in both these books are stereotypical "Oi whut, what oll dis den?" morons. Especially Queen Victoria, she is presented as a colossal ninny*. When confronted with Biloxi instead of whereever(I think New Orleans but I'm not sure) the soldiers have at the town, even after discovering they're in the wrong city. I suspect Harrison kept the Duke of Wellington alive so he can have a go at the Yanks when they invade in the 3rd book, but he just seems to hang out in the first two books.

I was more surprised by the whole kiss and make up between the North and the South. In the first book the whole experience is only a couple of pages. There's a whole "Feh, we'll just talk about this 'concept so important we'd kill each other over it' bit later, let's ice us some blimey Brits first" vibe. WHAT? TEN SECONDS AGO YOU WERE KILLING EACH OTHER, NOW YOU'RE BUSOM BUDDIES? Ack! And why appoint Sherman as commander in chief? He hadn't done anything amazing yet. I think its just for an in-joke to us but doesn't make much sense historically.

I dunno. I think you have to buy two concepts to enjoy this series. One is that while the whole states' rights/slavery/whichever issue was important enough to start a war, both sides could have settled their differences rather easily in a short little chat. The other is that the English are the most evil beings to ever walk the earth, the ground is scorched black where their cloven hooves tread, and their soldiers are undisciplined rabble that somehow conquered most of the planet despite their cowardice and stupidity.** This whole series is Crap. For some masochistic reason I want to finish it though, so someday Stars and Stripes Triumphant will be mine. Gods help me.

You know, I never noticed how much an Anglophile I am until now. Quick, make up a sentence with a lot of Englishisms...coloured paint fell off the lorry in the carpark next the gaol's kerb. Blimey.

*Which isn't really far off from reality. From what I've read, she is the major reason why the royals have no say in government but have a shitload of money. My favorite thing about Victoria is that in her letters she would always use a lot of exclamation points as emphasis. "You MUSTN'T let him marry her!!!!!!!!!! He's just not right!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
** The Patriot was big on this too. I admit the British were supposed to be the bad guys, but damn they weren't that bad.

Miscellany: New layout n stuff

2005-09-30T23:23:00.000-04:00

As you may or may not have noticed, there's a brand spankin' new picture thingy on top of my page, designed by my sis. I think it's pretty durn awesome there. I'm not sure what the stamp means, but it looks cool. Maybe one e-mailing water damaged books? Hmmm?

My cat Ted's favorite toy is an old piece of string broken from the end of a cat teaser thing. Anyway, I threw it away (he fetches it back - it's so neat) and now its between the bed and the wall. Ack! I spent like half an hour trying to get it for him. It was then I realized I truly love him, for I don't particularly care about lame-o string but it's his favorite and he likes it. One of those rare self-less acts from me. Don't think I've given up, oh no, it's mine.

Found an odd blog called Tiki-Tim's Exotica Lounge. Apparently he rips really old tiki/exotica albums and puts 'em online. A lot of times it sounds like the background music to an old b-movie set in the jungle. Or not. For the past couple of days I've been particularly enamored of Markko Polo's "Orienta". He's also got a radio, if you want to try out a tune first before downloadin'. I wouldn't mind getting into tiki stuff. But where to begin? Maybe with some cool tiki mugs.

Currently reading Killdozer! but it seems to be taking a million years to finish. So it'll only be 7 books read this month, and about a jillion purchased. Seems about right. Next month I plan on reading some horror, maybe catch up with the Company series or finally read The Scar. Non fiction-wise I'm thinking this or this. I'm also pondering posting some horror movie reviews, revive the non-book type review I used to do. I think the last movie I came close to reviewing was Sky Captain, and that movie came out last summer for chrissakes.

Lastly I'm planning a 100th mega post to rival the 50th, with reviews, deleted posts and more. Still brainstorming. This is post 94 tho, so it should be soonish.

Quiz: Which tarot card are you?

2005-09-28T00:40:00.000-04:00

Heirophant is a way cooler name than "Pope". I would totally convert if he were called the Heirophant.

You are the the Hierophant card. The Hierophant,
called The Pope in some decks, is the preserver
of cultural traditions. After entering The
Emperor's society, The Hierophant teaches us
its wisdom. The Hierophant learns and teaches
our cultural traditions. The discoveries our
ancestors have made influence the present.
Without forces such as The Hierophant who are
able to interpret and communicate traditional
lore, each generation would have to begin to
learn anew. As a force that is concentrated on
our past and our culture, The Hierophant can
sometimes be stubborn and set in his ways. This
is a negative trait he shares with his zodiac
sign, Taurus. But like Taurus he is productive.
His traditional lore can provide a source of
inspiration for the creatively inclined, and
his knowledge provides an excellent foundation
for those who come into their own in the
business world. Image from: Morgan E.
Cauthers-Knox.
http://elfwood.lysator.liu.se/loth/m/o/morganc/morganc.html

Which Tarot Card Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

5 Worst Books I've Ever Read: Empire of Fear

2005-09-27T11:58:00.000-04:00

I've always had a passion for "worst of" lists. "Best of" lists are nice, but laughing at the bottom of the barrel is always more fun. So I've decided to start a series of posts on the 5 Worst Books I've Ever Read. Other than the abysmal The Greek Myths or the wretched Crystal World, I haven't really gone into books I hate. Like I said before, most of the time I am more disappointed with a book than hateful of it. Bits were good but overall, eh.

Today's terrible tome is Empire of Fear by Brian Stableford. The plot: vampires are real and an immortal Richard the Lionheart rules England with an iron fist. In this world the aristocracy are all vampires, and one mortal man dares to find out their secrets.

Sounds pretty cool, right? A sly blend between horror and alternate history, hmm? NO! 60% of the book is the main character guy hanging out in Africa, near an asteroid crash that may or may not account for vampires. That's about it. Not things that go bump in the night or anything. And the alternate history is the most basic, where everyone who was ever born in our reality is there in one form or another.* You want science, here's your book. You want a book to read on Halloween, eeeeeh not so much.

Eventually it ends with our hero finding out how to create vampires without the whole biting thing, which in the end causes a world where everyone becomes a vampire. I think the idea is that you become a vamp at a certain point but until then you're undead kibble. Frankly it seemed that the point of the book was not vampires as much as immortality itself. Lame 16th century scientists working on a serum for immortality at any rate.

Anyways that ends today's retro-review of Empire of Fear. Had I been reading it now I would gleefully give it a Crap rating. It's so lame that I've been reluctant to try anything else by Stableford, even though Werewolves of London sounds really interesting. I'm actually surprised I remember this book that well, I haven't read it since October of 2002. Scroll down to find out what the secret ingredient to immortality is. You'll never guess, believe me.

*You would think that having the living dead around would change things. Like Richard the Lionheart could bite Richard Nixon's ancestor so he would never be born. But no, everything's the same. It's both intriguing and lazy at the same time.

Spoilers in

3

2

1

It's vampire jizz! If you guzzle cum, you'll be one of the walking dead!!! Not a big leap for Anne Rice fans. (rimshot) Ack, the mental image of sampling vampire splooge still haunts my brain (shivers).
Normalcy resumes in

3

2

1

Miscellany: Shopping and more sidebar crap

2005-09-26T20:27:00.000-04:00

The sidebar is-a for books I purchased this month I know, but I wanted to make a special mention of one - Tales of Terror. For one, it's edited by Boris Karloff, which is pretty awesome. Frankly I've always been more of a Bela fan.* It's the 3rd edition, published in 1943. Holy crap! I wonder if the paper is secretly cotton or something - I thought paper was in such short supply that most magazines went out of business and authors went off to fight WWII. Surprisingly there's no "Monkey's Paw", but there is a "Tell Tale Heart". In fact it's the only story in there I've read. I kinda look forward to reading it, even if the cover's a little fragile. Next month is October, aka Horror Books at least as many as I can stand month.

Also I added Spamusement! to my links. Its a badly drawn comic based on actual spam headlines. It's the only online comic I like. Mostly it's obvious stuff but its still provides a giggle at least.

*I'll probably be more of a Bela fan after I finally get around to watching my $5 Die Monster Die! DVD. Eep. I think I also have one with Boris Karloff as the dad of some chick Jack Nicholson lusts after in some Napoleonic ghost story movie.

Miscellany: Cool link of the day

2005-09-26T20:00:00.000-04:00

Gonna skip a planned review of Going Postal in favor of watching How I Met Your Parents (hey don't look at me like that, it's the best comedy since Friends* came out). Instead here's a cool link I saw floating around, an interview from Time magazine involving Joss Whedon and Neil Gaiman. Check it out.

*I'm one of those people who liked Chandler best but thought the show as a whole went downhill when he stopped being funny and started getting married. Now it's like The X-Files, a show I used to love but now think is too meh to watch on a regular basis.

Test: I AM a dick!

2005-09-25T23:29:00.000-04:00

I like taking these online tests, but so few really seem like me. Until now. See below for the which D&D character are you? test.
And this is the guy who according to one test would have been a perfect SS officer.
(Honestly I'm not evil in real life. I have a loving yet bite-frenzy-prone kitten and a family that loves me.)
(But if my library burns or drowns there will be a bloody reckoning. Oh yes.)

I Am A: Neutral Evil Elf Mage Thief

Alignment:
Neutral Evil characters believe in Number One. Their personal gain takes precedance over all else, and they will work with whomever necessary and whatever institutions necessary to further their own goals.

Race:
Elves are the eldest of all races, although they are generally a bit smaller than humans. They are generally well-cultured, artistic, easy-going, and because of their long lives, unconcerned with day-to-day activities that other races frequently concern themselves with. Elves are, effectively, immortal, although they can be killed. After a thousand years or so, they simply pass on to the next plane of existance.

Primary Class:
Mages harness the magical energies for their own use. Spells, spell books, and long hours in the library are their loves. While often not physically strong, their mental talents can make up for this.

Secondary Class:
Thieves are the most roguish of the classes. They are sneaky and nimble-fingered, and have skills with traps and locks. While not all use these skills for burglary, that is a common occupation of this class.

Deity:
Velsharoon is the Neutral Evil god of necromancy, liches, and undeath. He is also known as the Vaunted, the Archmage of Necromancy, and the Lord of the Forgotten Crypt. His followers practice the necromantic arts, and raise the dead to do their bidding. His symbol is a crowned skull.

Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy ofNeppyMan (e-mail)

Music: KMFDM sucks

2005-09-25T13:04:00.000-04:00

I think music criticism is the most wasted form of criticism. Simply put, I don't care how great your review/documentary/whatever is, I will never like Bob Dylan. Ever. Or understand why music critics love the White Stripes so much.

Anyhoo, the new KMFDM cd "Hau Ruck" is frickin' awesome. Why, I am in love with this cd. Kiss kiss, hug hug. If you like them (or at least the more metal-ly version of them) you'll like this cd. If you've never heard of them and are interested maybe in a fusion of industrial and metal, you might like them. I dunno, I don't care, for I like it. See? I can't even pretend to be a music critic. I judge it Awesome, quite possibly the best full cd I've gotten this year.

Yet more template changes - I've added space for my ratings (and ditched color coding, while it was a neat idea I couldn't decide on one that didn't make my eyes hurt) and moved the links down. This sidebar thing is the neatest idea ever.

The Journey to the East by Heinrich Heine

2005-09-24T11:18:00.000-04:00

Synopsis: The narrator, named H.H., describes his journey to the East with the League, a mysterious organization whose purpose is never explained. The journey goes through both the present and the past as well. Following the desertion of the loyal servant Leo, H.H. forgets the rest of the tale and retires in Germany. He then tries to track Leo down and find out whether his adventure was real or just in his imagination.

While I did like the surrealistic elements of the quest and the League, when the narrator stopped the journey as well as the story it went wildly into symbolism territory. And the ending made no sense to me. At least I don't think so...too bad I didn't read this in class because maybe I could discuss it with people. As is stands, while it was an interesting and quick read I'm glad I didn't buy it. It just edges into Meh.

And it's way better than Siddhartha. Blech.

Miscellany: (crickets chirping)

2005-09-19T23:42:00.000-04:00

Yeah, so since I now have all my fave daily links all in the same place I've found I'm here way more often than I used to be. Before I saw water damage on my favorites list and was like "meh". Now I see water damage on my favorites list and think "ooo, link clearinghouse".

The downside: I feel like writing something, even if I have nothing to say. True I did finally finish The Journey to the East today, but...not in the mood to write about it now. Sooo...

- Here's a link to an e-mail from "John Cleese". Apparently its just spam but it is funny English spam. From here.

- Here's the Internet Speculative Fiction Database (ISFD). It's like they want to be the sci-fi (or in this case spec fic) version of the IMDB, but one thing I like about the IMDB is that you can get a review or plot synopsis or trivia or something about the film. This ISFD thing seems to just give a list on an author's books. Still in the formative stages though, so who knows what'll happen in the future?

- Jon Stewart's Emmy speech. I admit, I haven't watched 'em since I was a kid (when I taped the frickin' Oscars for chissakes) but I'm glad someone taped this bit. Worth a chuckle. From here.

- I don't check this site often, but it's definitely worth an ocaissonal look: the Encyclopedia Mythica.

- I always stay at the Rotten Library for way longer than I should. I would link to it but they don't update often. Oh, and Rotten.com proper has graphic depictions of dead people. I came for the corpses but I stay for the articles, I swear! Wait, that sounded way grosser. Um, I gotta go...

Addendum: Hey, Comedy Central put Adam Carolla's show on at midnight and brought back the Daily Show rerun! YA-HOO! YEEEEHAW! YIPPEE-KY-YI-YAY! :-D

Miscellany: New links for Dante is not even wrong, dig?

2005-09-18T15:07:00.000-04:00

- Fiddled with more things on the blog. Now I have a list of links. Primarily they are links I try to look at every time I come online, others are sites that don't update as much but I still adore. I also moved the two book sidebars up a little. I'd like to put them above the links but I'm not sure how to do that just yet. I have to admit I'm a little proud of my minor html tweaking. Then again that means I should actually update the blog itself, and that involves work. Bleah.

- I don't think Dante is worth a full review, since it's both short and straight to the point. Ultimately I felt it was a bit dry but told me everything I ever wanted to know about Dante and how portions of his life are reflected in The Divine Comedy. I judge it Good.

- Not Even Wrong I expected to dislike, but instead I found it was both fascinating and touching. Generally I try to stay away from "feel-good" type books/movies, about people who "overcame the odds" to "follow their dreams". But here I felt that Collins combined his son Morgan's early life with tales of obscure autists like Peter the Wild Boy into an immensely readable whole. Much like Sixpence House I read about half of it in one sitting, which again is quite a feat for me. So why not a full review? I dunno, I'm so much in awe I'm not sure what to say other than WOW MIKE LIKE SHINY BOOOOOOK, HEE HEE. Awesome.

Miscellany: New New New!

2005-09-17T01:20:00.000-04:00

- Today I decided to tinker with the format a little, perhaps spice things up with a bit of blue. You like? I do. Also added a sidebar for books I bought this month and books I read this month. It's been something I've wanted to do for oh, a year now, but I didn't know how to fiddle with the html until about an hour ago. While I do love the sidebars, the html work sux. No wonder these guys never seem to update their reading lists.

- My first non-spam comment was from Gary Greenwood, author of Jigsaw Men. Cool! Check out his spiffy blog, you'll be glad you did.

- I've decided to skip reviewing book series...serieses?...other than the first book, or maybe when I wrap up the series...es. Why? Well, after reading the first book I'm itchin' to read reviews of the following books and lately it seems I get inundated with spoilers. At first I was like "Hey! Maybe I can write a non-spoilerish review of said book!". Then I realized that the obvious easy way was to spoil everything. And I am quite fond of the obvious easy way. So no longish review of Mendoza in Hollywood, except to say

a) I still hate Mendoza. She had almost redeemed herself...until the last 75 pages.
b) Apparently LA is the greatest spot in the universe, even before it became movieland
c) Yet I still liked the book enough to give it a meh. I've read worse and I'm dying to read the next one in the series since it involves hip and cool Joseph.

G'Nite.

Life: The Con was On

2005-09-07T23:14:00.000-04:00

Another year, another Dragon*Con. Oddly enough it was my fifth one but it was the first one I went to where I went for more than one day and didn't spend most of my time buying stuff.

How's about a listing of what I did? Come on, let's go!

Friday
- Arrival at the swank Ritz-Carlton. The room was a gift from my Mom, so don't go thinking I'm Mr. Moneybags. I immediately knew I was out of my element when I was told to check-in with Christophe. Christophes of the world don't work in the Hilton or Day's Inn, if you know what I mean.
- Registering at the Con. What was really annoying about this year was you had to wait in line to pay, and then wait in line for registering, and then wait for your badge. This took about an hour and a half, maybe 2 hours. Apparently my sis and I picked a bad time, since when we waited for our friend Casey to get his badge it took less than 20 minutes.
- The Firefly panel. The reason why we arrived on Friday. Ock, I don't believe I didn't get their autographs! I just thought of that. Unfortunately we stood in line at the last second, so by the time we got to our seats they were kind of blurry. They played a clip of Serenity (featuring the Reavers!) which whets my appetite even more.

With nothing else to do, my sis and I retired for the night rather early. Until Casey got drunk, puked all over our room, and ruined our night. Good times.

Saturday
- Paid $5 for orange juice. I learned a valuable lesson: never sit in the restaurant section of a hotel I'm not staying in. But the waiter was nice enough to give me some strawberry yogurt, which convinced me to give him a tip. Stawberry is the king of yogurts.
- The Adult Swim panel. Essentially a bunch of clips of upcoming shows with a bit of Q & A. Apparently they're making an Aqua Teen movie. Who knew? My fave clips were of the Minoriteam (the most un-PC show I've ever seen...it makes South Park look like Peanuts) and Lucy, Daughter of the Devil. 12 Ounce Mouse looks interesting yet freaking bizarre. Oh and Squidbillies looked funny too. I got a free Bear from Harvey Birdman air freshener just for showing up! Awesome.
- Soviet Space Disasters. It felt a lot like college, just in an overcrowded stuffy room in a hotel. A professor (I assume...how else could he make money being a "space historian"?) showed clips from films smuggled out of Russia after the Iron Curtain fell. Highlights: people on fire and big explosions. Oh and if solid fuel catches on fire it cannot be put out...with spectacular results! Unfortunately the math was a little beyond me. And people would not stop asking questions...butt still asleep...oy.
- Nonexistant C. Martin Croker signing. Zorak may have gotten there to sign things but I'll never know after waiting more than 30 minutes. I was getting antsy since everyone in line brought something to sign. And they were getting all chummy and I was just standing there. Stupid being social.
- One on One with George Lowe. Last year I got his autograph, this year I got spat on by him. Yes, he did a spit take onto the front row of his audience. Ick. But he did make us laugh our asses off. He sure does a lot of impressions. And is on a first name basis with a lot of the other voice over guys. It makes sense and all, I just never considered the Law and Order guy might have a name and a life to live other than "This Wedneeeeeesday on Law and Order..."
- Shopping time. One of the major sellling points of Dragon*Con (and literally the only reason I showed up for the first two years) is all the nerdy stuff for sale. Here's a partial list of my purchasables:
The first 100 Strongbad Emails.
A Cthulhu bust.
An Esoteric Order of Dagon shirt.
The Essential Tomb of Dracula and Essential Amazing Spiderman #3
The Star Wars X-Mas Special
A Monster X action figure
And more! Let's just say that the theme of last year was bootlegs, this year it was Mythos crap. I've been quite in the Lovecraftian mood of late, since reading the meh Cthulhu Cycle. Had I more money I would've gotten the HP Lovecraft bust. How cool is that thing?
- Dinner break. Went to the Noodle Cafe, wandered around a bit. Bumped into Lou Ferrigno. I had no idea the Hulk was so short. Sure he could crush me and all, but I'm still taller, nyah nyah.
- The Monty Python Experience. I didn't really know what to expect. Certainly didn't expect a packed room full of Python nerds reenacting favorite sketches. Funnier than you would think, trust me. Makes me want to crack open some old Python episodes.
- The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra. True I have seen it twice already but I couldn't help seeing it on the semi-big screen. Still the funniest movie I've seen all year. "You don't believe there's anything in the forest do you?" "Of course not, Ranger Dan. I'm a scientist, I don't believe in anything".
- Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter. My one regret of last year was missing this flick and lo, it's back this year! HOO-RAH! I thought it was hilarious. The best part is when God talks to Jesus through a cherry cobbler. If it didn't have long stretches of not funny I'd buy it right now.

Then off to bed. Didn't expect much sleep, and didn't get any either.

Sunday
- Lunch at McDonalds. My home away from home this year. I like the fact it's so close to the host hotels. I like any place with a dollar menu, heart disease be damned.
- The new Doctor Who marathon. One of the selling points of the video room this year for me was the the showing of the new Doctor Who series. Fortunately I got to catch a couple of episodes on Sunday. Unfortunately it's only showing in Britain for now which is a shame since I loved what I saw. Christopher Eccelston is a fine Doctor and I definitely want to catch up on the episodes I missed. Here are the ones I got to see:
Boom Town - Some alien's trying to blow up Cardiff, which will in turn blow up all of Earth. Frankly it seemed to be the anti-death penalty episode. If each one had a moral they shoved down your throat I wouldn't have liked it so much. Fun Fact: Cardiff is Welsh and Doctor Who is from BBC Wales. Coincidence?
Bad Wolf - A funny satire on reality shows. In the Future, you can die if you're voted off a reality show. The chick plugged into the computer was actually kinda creepy to me. And it had the (gasp!) Daleks in it! I got quite giddy at the first EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! Fun Fact: Weakest Link and Doctor Who must both be on the BBC. Seeing Weakest Link bot vaporize people was the funniest part.
The Parting of the Ways - The last episode of the season. Really fun, even if Rose is like the most annoying sidekick since that stewardess the fifth Doctor flew around with. And does the Doctor have a thing for Rose? Naughty.
Rose - The first episode of the season and the only non-two parter. The Doctor pals up with Rose and fights off a plastic controlling monster. The thing that struck me most was that playing a good Doctor is being able to convincingly say that "monster x will destroy the Earth" with shock and surprise every week. Everything they bump into will destroy the Earth unless he does something. You'd think it wouldn't be so shocking after a while.
The Empty Child - The Doctor and Rose in the London Blitz. Introduces Captain Jack, whom I assume is a kind of competant action hero Doctor. He's supposed to be American but calls the elevator a lift and pronounces "barrage" like the English pronounce "garage". Nice try BBC. I didn't really like him much for some reason.
The Doctor Dances - The last episode of the Who-athon for me. I would've stayed for more but next was a shitty werewolf movie-thon. Casey barged in during the "showing the evil kid's room" scene, so now I'm left wondering if the kid was not right upstairs while alive. Was he crazy when he was alive? Sure looks like it but....I DUNNO! THANKS CASEY! Oh and the undead kid/gasmask people muttering "Are you my Mummy?" all the damn time was both kinda creepy and really annoying at the same time.
- Checkout. Valet parking is awesome. Getting the valet to get your car back is less so. I'd rather they just hand us the keys.

Fave Costumes (in no particular order)
- Boyfriend/girlfriend Willy Wonkas. The dude was Gene Wilder, the chick was Johnny Depp.
- Elektra. Hott.
- The Man with No Name. Because he is the coolest character ever that's why. I should've asked him where he got his poncho. And whether its a real poncho or a Sears poncho.
- Santo. Hee hee. He's in Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter too.
- The Incredibles. What a cute family.
- Nick and Nora Charles. Probably the most obscure reference, other than people who dressed up as video game characters in video games that haven't come out yet. They even had a stuffed dog.
- The Tetris piece. He was an L shape.
- A Gameboy. I'd hate to have to sit down in that thing.
- Deadman. I know next to nothing about the character but the costume was dead on. Heh, dead on!

Least Faves
- Fat Kratos. True I too am a fatty but I take the Dirty Harry from Magnum Force to heart: A man's got to know his limitations. Although he did get the makeup right.
- Tubby girls in revealing shirts. See last entry for my thoughts. Eww.

All in all I had the best time ever and hope to return next year. Thanks Dragon*Con!
I know I vowed to do better with my blog entries but its past my bedtime so no links. I think you can get buy by copying and pasting whatever you're interested in, right? Huh?

Capsules: Life sucks, then you die

2005-08-31T22:57:00.000-04:00

A small caveat: while I did enjoy Six Feet Under for about half a season I ultimately found it a bit too soap opera-y for my taste. My show would have focused on talking to the dead and not on say, trying to cope with the loss of a wife I had grown tired of and didn't like much in the first place but only married because she was preggers (but only became pregnant to manipulate me into marriage). But I was really touched by the end of the final episode. Seeing all the major characters die in the decades to come got me close to tearing up. It seems...kind almost that most of them died of natural causes. And it seemed like a perfect end to the show. So many shows try to go off with a bang but they just leave with a "huh?".

I dunno. The thought of death and dying scares the bejeezus out of me. I believe this is ultimate benefit of being a religious person, they know where they're going after they die, they just need to watch themselves while they're here. Me? I'm agnostic, so even if I get into heaven, there's gonna be some explainin' to do. If there is a heaven in the first place.

So my thoughts turned to morbid depression instead of book reviewin', which was actually what I had planned for yesterday. Speaking of -

Batavia's Graveyard

The bloodiest mutiny in history happened off the coast of 17th century Australia. The Batavia crashed on a tiny island chain off the western coast, and while the captain went off for help he left in charge a fruit loop named Jeronimus Cornelisz. What surprised me is not that he killed a few of what was left of the crew to secure his unrivalled position as leader, but that eventually he ordered dozens of people killed just for kicks. If only there was a primitive Dutch form of Risk or Monopoly around...

Anyway, I found the writing style about as friendly as nonfiction can get. Not dry at all. Lately I've been in the mood to pick up books on mutinies/shipwrecks/exploration, and read this as a litmus test to see if they're really any good. Mike like. I'm definitely interested in trying out the men in extreme situations type genre. Maybe I can back away from the bios of horrible people/histories of horrible times type reading I've been fond of since I started reading nonfiction on a regular basis. Good.

Jigsaw Men

Oddly enough the best book I read this month was less than 110 pages. It's in a world where Britain and Prussia became allied after the First World War was fought between Frankensteinian creatures on one side and Martian death rays/tripod tech on the other. The main story proper is about the disappearance of a Cabinet minister's daughter. And any more would be telling, since its so tiny.

I loved the little differences in the world. To me, the joy of an alternate history is that whole "what might have been" aspect. So many writers love saying that if John Adams had a second term for example, things would be essentially the same. Poppycock! Balderdash! Anyway, I was also struck by how America was in the book. No, I'm no moron who chants USA! USA! all the time but I do wonder how life would be like for moi in an alternate world. The US is the one left out in the cold because of the Anglo-German alliance, so they're isolationist but jealous of the fantastic tech the Europeans have, and....pro-slavery? Yes for some odd reason the Yanks dig slave-owning, although I'm not sure why. Maybe the Brit author is just trying to make America sound more meanie that way.

Lots of fun. Very very British, and I think both the story was thrilling and the backstory was fantastic. The ending is left open, so I hope there's more adventures. Awesome.

Dreams of Iron and Steel

Okay I may just be gullible but I thought this was like a "seven wonders of the Victorian Age" kind of thing. Maybe throw in some of Eiffel's work on the Statue of Liberty or his eponymous tower, hmm? Instead it's more of "engineering feats of Britain and America from the early 19th century to 1936". Plus many of the chapters felt the same. If you can make a drinking game out of common themes in a nonfiction book I get easily annoyed. (In this case, take a swig for every dreamy misunderstood architect, the board of directors who don't get his dream project, the architect becoming maimed or killed during the course of said project, some peasant workman dying a needless death whilst building project, the family of architect becoming concerned about the architect's health, a description of some common Victorian practice that sounds horrible to today's reader, and the project turning out to be something so amazing that the board and the public feel ashamed they doubted its awesomeness).

I dunno. I just feel that repetition makes once novel ideas/themes/whatever become cliched, even if the repetition is a bit subtle. Couple that with my feeling of being baited and switched (the subtitle is Seven Wonders of the Nineteenth Century* for chrissakes! Since when is 1936 in the Nineteenth Century?) and I'm a feeling meh about it. Although the feats they feated are pretty cool.

*I see they changed it in the paperback to "Seven Wonders of the Modern Age". Thank you loudly complaining history geeks, thank you.

Extraordinary Exhibitions

I'm of two minds on this one. Here is a book all about Ricky Jay's show of playbills/programs he's collected of historical entertainers. Each playbill is presented and a short blurb detailing the history of the performer is given. On the one hand I like learning a little about something I know nothing about. After all, that's why I read boatloads of history. But on the other hand after a while I just stop caring about Magnifico, little known magician/pimp of 17th century East Bedfordshire. I want to try one of Jay's other books, which are supposed to have whole articles/chapters devoted to these unknowns instead of blurbs that tend to blur together. I hate blurring together.
I guess I am being a little hard on it for being what it is advertised as being. No bait and switch here. Maybe I'm just thinking it could have been cooler if it was one assembled narrative and not a bunch of vignettes? Maybe I'm just a meanie? Meh.

The Cthulhu Cycle

A bunch of Cthulhu related stories from the so called Cthulhu Mythos. Here I learned four things:
1. Each book in the _____ Cycle series seems to be really hit and miss. For every halfway decent one there seems to be 3 really lame ones.
2. Lovecraft's inspirations are BO-RING. The Lord Dunsany story was only marginally better than watching paint dry and the other pre-Cthulhu was a snooze as well. Cut it out Robert M. Price! Just tell us his inspirations, that's what introductions are for.
3. Cthulhu is a fish dude who's imprisoned underwater. Figure that one out.
4. August Derleth is officially the worst Lovecraft pasticher ever. No really. My initial impressions were right on the money. My cat high on the nippiest of catnip rolling around on my keyboard could write a better Lovecraft story than that bunghole. Yet without that hack, the big HP would be completely unread nowadays. The Mythos fan's paradox.
I give it a meh. "Recrudesence" and one of the other later stories whose name I'm too lazy to look up make it almost worth the $30+ I paid for it. The rest are either meh or poo.

Ack, on Amazon they now have it for $11.89? I gotta go and cry in my pillow now. See ya.

Capsules: One Year...Of THIS?

2005-08-26T14:11:00.000-04:00

The best cover of all the books I've read this month, but possibly the lamest book. It just goes to show that you can't tell a book by its...never mind.

Well, it's been nearly a year since I started this blog and nothing much has seemed to change. For a couple of months there I was totally psyched and wrote a lengthy book review on every book I read no matter how meh I felt about it, but then GTA: San Andreas/World of Warcraft/something shiny got in the way and now I have almost an obligation every month to post something even if its very little and I'm still the only one who cares. I read on some better blog some time ago that a blog that posts monthly is worthless and I have to agree. But how to fix this conundrum? I do feel that my writing has progressed slowly over the course of the past year and that if I wrote on a regular basis perhaps I could write better than Ted on a catnip binge. So maybe I should have a kind of New Year's Resolution of sorts. I should return to regular longish reviews! But I shouldn't do one on every book I read since some I like but can't really describe why I like them. Yeah! YEAH! But that will have to wait another day since I've got like half a dozen capsule reviews to write. This will be part one of two since I have to leave and get paid. Money trumps everything else ya know.

The Risen Empire

I read a long time ago either here or here that publishers are starting to cut in half longish books by unknown authors to cut expensive book costs. Which I think sucks since you have to pay twice as much for the same book. Case in point: The Risen Empire by Scott Westerfeld. Now I'm not 100% certain if it was meant to be one book, but it sure as hell looks like it. The ending is kind of rushed and nothing at all is resolved.
The plot is this: there's been a kind of truce between the Empire, ruled by an immortal elite, and the Rix, a race of cyborgs who worship artificial intelligence. But the Rix invade an imperial planet, infest it with an AI and keep the Emperor's sister hostage. Commander Laurent Zai, a military hero who has recently become one of the undead/immortal/whatever elite races there to save the sister.

I did like the fact that each character was introduced by his profession. So Zai was "commander", his girlfriend (who is against the undead elite) is introduced as "senator", and so on. But there seemed to be way too many characters for my taste. Plus I didn't really care about any of them. For example Zai is supposed to be from some conservative militaristic planet, which explains his behavior away, other than the "opposites attract-love for the senator" bit. But the technology is really cool - military pilots fly planes smaller than my hand. One pilot flies his micrometer sized jet into a water glass and uses it for spying on the room where the pint-sized Empress is held.

Ultimately I was underwhelmed and kind of miffed I have to buy another book to figure out what the Emperor's Secret is. I rate it meh. Chances are I'll buy the second one used and read it 3 years from now, confused as to what the hell is going on.

The Ig Nobel Prizes

If it's one thing I'm beginning to learn, it's why I can find certain humor books in used bookstores. For instance, The Ig Nobel Prizes is a book about the award of the same name, listing some recipients of the award and the reasoning behind their winning.

Eh. It's meant to be hilarious, and I did find it amusing but you can find the info on the website for free. I give it a meh.

Visions of Victory

Now here's an amazing concept: assemble all the prominent leaders during World War II and show what they expected to happen at the end of the war. Their "vision of victory" as it were. I'm surprised with the humongous amount of crap published about the war that this wasn't mentioned.

Each leader is given a brief bio, then his hopes for the future and how they changed as the war progressed. To me FDR's vision is the closest to reality, Hitler's is the creepiest, Kai-Shek's the is most yawn inducing. Oh and Tojo thought the Greater East Asia Co-Prosperity Sphere would extend all the way to Jamaica. Because you know when I think "Asian" I immediately think of Bob Marley mon. I expected something like Phillip K. Dick's The Man in the High Castle to happen to the US but instead none of the Axis really planned anything about North America, other than Hitler expecting World War IV or V to happen over here. Overall I enjoyed it immensely, I give it a Awesome.

Oh and finding all those crappy WW II links cost me 40 minutes. The trouble I go through to please you the public. And by public I mean me and Ted.

Make Love! The Bruce Campbell Way

I think my problem is I don't find many books funny. I mainly bought this book because Bruce Campbell was coming to town and I didn't want to be behind at the Q & A session, but instead I was forced to buy a second copy (long story) and so didn't have to read it ahead of time.

But what did I think of Bruce Campbell's foray into fiction writing? (Oh the plot is Bruce finally getting into an A-list movie but accidentally messing it up because he's got the B-movie curse) I thought it was kinda funny. Each chapter is like a little vignette of Bruce researching some bit for the role and less about the actual movie making part. So some bits are funnier than others. For example, Lester Shankwater, the Cyrano de Bergerac-ish private detective guy was really lame but the bit where Bruce buys a pickup so big that the vibrations can give any dude a raging hard-on was hilarious. Some of the pictures were funnier than others. I do have to agree with Casey that the ending is probably the best part of the book.

Overall I think it is like the average Bruce Campbell movie, a bit of a mixed bag but Bruce is the best character. I think it just edges into Good. If you have no idea who Bruce Campbell is I'd give it a meh. I thought his last book was better but I thought they wouldn't let me sign it.

Unfortunately I have to go. More capsules follow!

Test: This is a test of the new Blogger picture system...it is only a test

2005-08-02T00:08:00.000-04:00

Image on a keychain and a plate I got from Graceland last month. It's like a real life yin/yang or something.

Capsules: Urge to kill fading....fading...

2005-07-29T01:23:00.000-04:00

Introduction

My normally lovable cat Ted has decided to Piss Me Off tonite, so if I cut short my reviewing duties in a fit of rage you will know why. Let's just say delicate $50 busts at a great height + curious cat = nervous Mike. Punk.
Oh and remember my McSweeneys/Paul Collins mania at the beginning of the year? Now my enthusiasm for the McSweeneys empire has definitely dimmed. Issue 14 was way too damn literary for my taste and the first issue of The Believer I bought was amazing but every one I've gotten since I subscribed has sucked. Suuuuucked. (For example one had an essay that said that Americans were so blase about the Abu Ghraib scandal because the pictures looked like internet porn, which I read hoping the author would have a point but was so stupid I wanted to hurl the magazine across the room). So Paul Collins = awesome. Everything else in McSweeney'sland = meh.

Dr. No

One perk of posting practically every book I've ever read for no reason is that when I want to reference my recently read books they're right here. No opening of .docs for me, no sir! Yes it is late at nite for me, why do you ask? Anyway, Dr. No was surprisingly awesome. I say surprisingly because I fully expected Fleming to devolve back to boredom/icky racism/something in between mode but instead he pulled out quite the thriller. I can see why they followed the book really closely in the film.
The plot is as follows: M orders Bond to figure out what happened to an MI6 agent stationed in Jamaica who went missing, and Bond discovers something sinister afoot on a neighboring island. The action was fast paced and the plot was consistently interesting. My only gripe would be that Bond's escape from No's hideout is way too quick and easy. I say it's Good.

Balsamic Dreams

Comedic writer/critic Joe Queenan lists his gripes with the Baby Boomers. While many of his complaints I agree with, I was sad to find his primary audience of the book is Baby Boomers, so some of the humor/points he made I don't get. And the joke got thin after a hundred pages. I can see why I found this book used. Meh.

Perdido Street Station

Amazing. Fantastic. Easily the best book I've read this year. Better reviewers/plot summaries are at Amazon, you should really just leave here and buy it immediately. It's definitely Awesome. Were I a generous sort I would give this to every literate person I know...all 3 of them. But I'm not so they'll miss out on awesomeness.
Also this was the first of NEW BOOKS (in a series) MONTH, where I tried to read...the first book in a series all month. Except for nonfiction, since it never counts for theme months. Why NEW BOOKS (in a series) MONTH? Because I was having a hard time finding fiction. Nonfiction is a snap for me to find but fiction, oy, tough stuff.

Rashomon Gate

A mystery set in 11th century Japan. I don't know if I've told you but my major A#1 pet peeve in reading is missing out on something. For example, while Rashomon Gate is the first in the series, the character was established in a series of short stories where he met his assistant, got a nice job, and established his crimefighting rep...which I didn't find out until after reading the book. Argh. Main Character: Remember the good times we had that time oh lower class sidekick! Said Sidekick: Ha! Of course master! Me: Rage!
The plot is about a series of murders at a university. All in all it was okay I guess. I dunno if I'd go out of my way to get any more in the series. I've found my enthusiasm for mysteries has cooled a bit in the past year or so. I just thought today that I have the latest book in all my favorite series (which is about 6 or so) and I haven't been in the mood to read any of them. Hmph. I say Rashomon Gate was Meh.

Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers

Frickin' cool. An entire book on non-burial/non-cremation ways of using a body. Mostly dissection but still cool. After this and Corpse I know more than I ever dreamed of on how my body is gonna rot after all those donuts I eat take their toll. I would honestly have to give this an Awesome, it's on my short list of great nonfiction books I've read this year.

On Company Time

The first in the Company series, about a group of immortal cyborgs who stash things throughout history for their future corporate masters. Actually this was a compliation of In the Garden of Iden (introducing Mendoza, an immortal who falls in love with a mortal) and Sky Coyote (where Mendoza's mentor Joseph becomes the spiritual leader of a wacky group of Native Americans). Naturally I assumed when I bought this book last year that I would love it, but in that case I had a hunch that this could be even more, dare I say it could have been one of the coolest series ever? Pretty close to coolest series ever, at least for now. I have to admit I am impressed and am itching to buy up all the rest of the series. I give it a Good since the first book was essentially a romance. Plus while Joseph and the rest of the cyborgs are cool, Mendoza is such a wet blanket. Bleah.

The Microcosmic God

The second in the collected stories of Theodore Sturgeon. All I really know is that Sturgeon was a great short story writer but that's about it. I found out after reading this that he's got a whole cult following that I never knew about, which is pretty cool because after this I think I should join. This is a collection of all the stories he wrote in 1940-41, which is pretty amazing to me since it's nearly 350 pages of stories. And what stories! What's surprising is how varied his writing is. When I read a collection of Phillip K Dick stories earlier this year I came to expect certain themes (paranoia, obsession with the word "precog", etc) but with Sturgeon there was none of that. It definitely brought me back to my younger days reading The Great SF Stories and...Asimov's other reprint anthologies. Definitely Good.
Oh yeah, why did I read book 2 and not 1? True I do have book 1 around here somewhere but I'm the laziest man on Mars and don't want to dig for it. Ha. The real reason is that book 1 is the very beginning of his career including juvenalia. Trust me, after reading H.P. Lovecraft's and Harlan Ellison's kiddie stuff, I don't really care what my fave writers thought when they were 13. Hell, I don't really care what I thought when I was 13.

Woodrow Wilson

Part of Penguin's Lives series, here is a 125 page bio of the Man Who Kept Us Out of War...then less than 2 years later went to war. I am quite impressed with this tiny book, which told me everything I ever wanted to know about Wilson in less than a full day's read. I judge it Good and will probably seek out more of the series in the future.
Overall NEW BOOKS (in a series) MONTH is a resounding success. I may even continue into next month.

Miscellany: Every Book I've Read in the Past 5 years

2005-07-20T00:30:00.000-04:00

Today is my 25th birthday. Happy B-Day to me. Unfortunately I'm pretty durn tired, so for kix and because I'm tired and bleary eyed, I've decided to post my Read Books file. It contains the title of every book I've read since August of 2000. I'm most proud of the few months I can read over 11 books, even if it was assisted by reading for school and bathroom books.

Sometime later, hopefully soonish, I'll stick in my monthly bit of capsule reviews. My patience for World of Warcraft is reaching its end, so maybe blogging will return. Or wither and die. Whichevah.

The whole August thing had to do with me returning back to school. Hey I have to remind myself I went to college sometimes.

In general I like reading a fiction book and then a nonfiction book. But lately it's been two fiction for every non.

For the most part I remember the plot of every book I read. Others are more a series of images than anything else. I have noticed if I reread a book though it all floods back.

Lastly just because I've read it doesn't necessarily mean I recommend it. That book on the Venona transcripts is quite possibly the dullest book I've ever read for example. Hopefully tomorrow for my b-day I can order something special for myself. If the stock doesn't run out or the stupid bank doesn't clear my checks.

Total Books Read:
August 2000 - August 2001= 104
August 2001 - August 2002= 109
The Year 2002 = 112
The Year 2003 = 95
2004 = 106

August 2000 2
The Three Musketeers
A History of the Middle East

September 10
Newton’s Cannon
The Stuff Our Dreams Are Made Of
The Elric Saga I
Japan
Jingo
A History of Russia
Heartfire
Rack, Rope, and Hot Pinchers
Colonization: 2nd Contact
The Civil War in the American West

October 10
Earthquake Weather
Gideon’s Spies
Invader
Inside the Soviet Military Machine
The Last Continent
The Cold War
The Elric Saga II
Star Spangled Men
For Want of a Nail
The Great Game

November 8
Watchers Out of Time
Spy/Counterspy
A Calculus of Angels
Spies Without Cloaks
On Stranger Tides
Duel
Lord Darcy
What If?

December 8
Moon of Ice
The Sword and the Shield
The Steampunk Trilogy
The Middle Ages
The Destruction of the Temple
The 10th Victim
This Is The Way The World Ends
A Specter is Haunting Texas

January 10
The Aquiliad
The Big Time
Assassination
1901
In Stalin’s Secret Service
The Year’s Best Horror 22
A Short History of Byzantium
The Wonderful Worlds of Robert Sheckley
Mercs
Finity

February 9
The Power of Gold
The Shadow of Ararat
Stasi
Empire of Unreason
The Proud Tower
Civil War Fantastic
A Concise History of the Russian Revolution
Procurator
The Armada

March 8
Twenty Years After
Revolutions of 1848
Declare
Inferno
The Space Merchants
Great SF Stories 18
New Barbarians
The War Against Russia

April 8
The People of the Black Circle
Peter the Great
Napoleon Disentimed
The Ottoman Centuries
Cry Republic
Inside the CIA
Victim Prime
The Napoleon Options

May 3
Circles
Red Nails
Tesla: Man Out of Time

Summer 28
Shogun
Italy: A Short History
Mission: Earth 8
World War I
Nightmover
Renaissance Diplomacy
Shadows in Bronze
Silver Pigs
The Professor and the Madman
The Perfect Spy
Native Tongues
Iron Chef
The Complete Idiots’ Guide to Urban Legends
The Borgias
Tai-Pan
Lionhearts
Raw Deal
Last Call
Necroscope
Wamphiri
Issola
Alien Life of Wayne Barlowe
Venus in Copper
If Chins Could Kill
Shinju
The Spy Who Got Away
Dave Barry’s Guide to Guys
The Great War: Breakthroughs

August 2001 3
Aquila and the Iron Horse
Like Hidden Fire
Roman Blood

September 11
The Drawing of the Dark
The Iron Hand of Mars
The Shadows of God
Classical Whodunits
Thirteenth Night
Arms of Nemesis
Bundori
Target: Tokyo
SPQR: The King’s Gambit
The Face of Battle
The REAL Frank Zappa Book

October 6
Poseidon’s Gold
The Anubis Gates
Catalina’s Riddle
The Vicomte de Bragelonne
Venona: Decoding Soviet Espionage in America
The Year’s Best Horror Stories 19

November 9
The Venus Throw
Three Hearts, Three Lions
Warriors of Disinformation
The Mike Hammer Collection Volume 1
Last Act in Palmyra
The Stress of Her Regard
One for Sorrow
The 7 Wonders of the Ancient World
Lee: The Last Years

December 6
The Way of the Traitor
A Gentle Madness
SPQR II: The Cataline Conspiracy
Citizen in Space
Time to Depart
Ellison Wonderland

January 10
Dinner in Deviant’s Palace
The Zimmermann Telegram
A Murder on the Appian Way
Red Mafiya
Spaghetti Westerns
Good Omens
Villa and Zapata
A Dying Light in Corduba
Reinventing Shakespeare
Measure for Measure

February 12
Rivals of Weird Tales
Julius Caesar
The Concubine’s Tattoo
The Wars of the Roses
Rubicon
Setting the East Ablaze
Three Heads in the Fountain
Bully!
Iron Joe Bob
Othello
Much Ado About Nothing
The Merchant of Venice

March 12
SPQR III: The Sacrilege
The Rise and Fall of the British Empire
The Straight Dope
Two for the Lions
Conspiracy!
Archangel
When Plague Strikes
The Widow’s Son
The Last Shogun
Last Seen in Massilia
Antony and Cleopatra
Richard III

April 9
The Complete Idiot’s Guide to the Crusades
Hitler’s Spies
Journey into the Whirlwind
One Virgin Too Many
Napoleon’s Glands
Blind Justice
The Roman Empire Divided 400-700
The Winter’s Tale
The Tempest

May 5
Carpe Jugulum
Phantoms in the Brain
Aquila and the Sphinx
A History of Venice
Ode to a Banker

June 10
Royal Survivor
SPQR IV: The Temple of the Muses
Born in Blood and Fire
Operation: Luna
The Man Who Would Be King
American Empire: Blood and Iron
The Idea of Decline in Western History
The Samurai’s Wife
Cuba: From Columbus to Castro
Recoil

July 9
Cryptonomicon
Murder at Manassas
Is Paris Burning?
The Chronoliths
The Turk
A Mist of Prophecies
Grant Speaks
Napoleon Bonaparte
The Killer Inside Me

August 2002 9
The Year 1000
The Devil’s Game
After Dark, My Sweet
The Wizards of Langley
The Eyre Affair
The Assassins
SPQR V: Saturnalia
George III
Catastrophes!

September 11
The Making of Memento
The Great Hedge of India
Murder in Grub Street
Imperial Charade
Fer de Lance
The Dream Master
Elizabeth: The Struggle for the Throne
The Great SF Stories 19
Route 66 AD
The House of the Vestals
The Little Ice Age

October 10
Fletch Won
A Test of Wills
1688: A Global History
Necroscope 3: The Source
Ranting Again
Jack the Ripper: The Complete Casebook
Nature’s God
Corpse
A Body in the Bathhouse
The Empire of Fear

November 7
The Annotated H.P. Lovecraft
A Killing at Ball’s Bluff
Cicero
Thief of Time
Frederick the Great
Wings of Fire
Washington: The Indispensable Man

December 8
Inferno
Blood Music
A History of Reading
Black Lotus
Look Away!
SPQR VI: Nobody Loves a Centurion
Man and Microbes
Crompton Divided

January 2003 8
The Paths of the Dead
The Measure of All Things
American Gods
The Arcanum
The Business
Catch Me If You Can
The Mammoth Book of New Horror 12
The Hellfire Club

February 8
The Years of Rice and Salt
Assassin!
Gun, With Occasional Music
Patience and Fortitude
Search the Dark
The Spy in the Russian Club
The Rum Diary
Beethoven’s Hair

March 11
Nameless Cults
The Mysteries Within
Dune Messiah
A Dreamer & A Visionary
The Last Defender of Camelot
Fast Food Nation
The Fifth Elephant
The Wild Shore
How the Irish Saved Civilization
Fletch, Too
Under the Black Flag

April 9
Carter Beats the Devil
Maximillian and Juarez
SPQR VII: The Tribune’s Curse
The Island of Lost Maps
Devil’s Tower
The Song of a Dark Angel
April Blood
The Swarm of Heaven
Gilded City

May 7
The Dreamthief’s Daughter
Measuring America
Tales of the Dying Earth
Killing Pablo
Remedy for Treason
The House of Medici: Its Rise and Fall
The Scroll of Thoth

June 6
Twilight of the Habsburgs
American Empire: The Center Cannot Hold
Almost America
The Pillow Book of Lady Wisteria
Cleopatra’s Nose
The Conan Chronicles Volume 1: The People of the Black Circle

July 8
Voodoo in Haiti
Inheritor
Royal Babylon
Legacy of the Dead
The Gangs of New York
The Centurion’s Empire
The Family
The Matrix and Philosophy

August 9
The Getaway
When the King Took Flight
The Deceivers
Giants of Japan
Ruled Brittania
The Borderlands of Science
A Right to Die
The Azathoth Cycle
They Have a Word for It?

September 7
Neuromancer
Jesse James
Red Mars
Shanghai
Across the Nightingale Floor
Ovid
A Concise History of France

October 5
The Necronomicon
American Voudou
The Dead Zone
Watchers of Time
Untouched by Human Hands

November 9
The Nyarlathotep Cycle
Jefferson’s Great Gamble
Yamato: A Rage in Heaven
The Culture of Fear
The Remaking of Sigmund Freud
The Sandman Companion
Death of the Duchess
Heroes and Monsters
Fraud of the Century

December 8
The Jupiter Myth
Braving Home
The Elric Saga III
Conspiracies, Cover-ups, and Crimes
Where There’s A Will
Amnesia Moon
Wings of Madness
Shinto

January 2004 10
The Da Vinci Code
Psychoshop
Naked Economics
Night Watch
Winds of Change
The Eighty Greatest Conspiracies of All Time
Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Plunges Through History
The Ironclad Alibi
Banvard’s Folly
If the South Won the Civil War

February 5
A Scattering of Jades
The Paperclip Conspiracy
The Amazing Dr. Darwin
The Zombie Survival Guide
Yakuza

March 8
SPQR VIII: River God’s Vengeance
Lost in a Good Book
Driving Mr. Albert
Hannibal’s Children
Among the Gently Mad
The Lord of Castle Black
Takedown
More Annotated Lovecraft

April 9
The Well of Lost Plots
Che
Night Moves
The Salmon of Doubt
The William Ashbless Memorial Cookbook
Samurai William
A Faded Coat of Blue
The Severed Wing
On Pirates

May 14
Presidential Inaugurations
Devil’s Engine
Germanicus
The Explainer
The Last Alchemist
The Annotated Hobbit
The Thackery T. Lambshead Pocket Guide to Eccentric and Discredited Diseases
The Winter Queen
Did Adam and Eve Have Navels?
Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Plunges Into Great Lives
A Princess of Mars
Library of Curious and Unusual Facts: All the Rage
The Devils in the Details
Why the North Won the Civil War

June 7
American Empire: The Victorious Opposition
The Book of Ratings
Sleeping in Flame
The Gifts of the Jews
The Conan Chronicles Volume 2: The Hour of the Dragon
Hanussen
Frankenstein Unbound

July 10
Shadows of Glory
White Line Fever
The Knowledge Web
Ghosts of the White Nights
Massacre at the Palace
Time On My Hands
Jennifer Government
Kingdom of Fear
Motherless Brooklyn
Up the Line

August 14
The Gnostics
The Truth
Mental_floss Presents: Condensed Knowledge
Neverwhere
The Hell-fire Clubs
Forty Ways to Look at Winston Churchill
One King, One Soldier
Poplorica
Profoundly Disturbing!
Something Rotten
The Atrocity Archives
The Riddle and the Knight
The Accusers
What Ifs? Of American History

September 9
A.D. 999
Sherman: A Soldier’s Life
The Museum of Hoaxes
Isaac Asimov’s Magical Worlds of Fantasy 7: Magical Wishes
Savage Night
Mao Tse-Tung and His China
Approaching Oblivion
The Greek Myths 1
The Man Who Found Time

October 6
The Gate of Fire
The Devil’s Dictionary
Raising Hell
A Fearsome Doubt
Almost History
Danse Macabre

November 8
A Blazing World
The Shub-Niggurath Cycle
Lust
Fraternity
Powers of Two
Wizardry and High Romance
The Illustrated Book of Signs and Symbols
Scandal Takes a Holiday

December 6
Wiseguys and Goodfellas
The Annotated Dragonlance Chronicles
Empire: A Very Short Introduction
Mr. Timothy
King Leopold’s Ghost
Planescape: Torment

January 2005 8
Stars and Stripes in Peril
The Necronomicon Files
Casino Royale
The Man Who Broke Napoleon’s Codes
A Grave at Glorieta
Girl in Landscape
The Polysyllabic Spree
The Great Pretenders

February 11
Zeppelins West
Sixpence House
Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader Plunges Thru History AGAIN
Live and Let Die
The Crystal World
The European Union: A Very Short Introduction
The Gardens of Lucullus
The Insidious Dr. Fu Manchu
The Know-it-All
This Shape We’re In
Storm Front

March 6
The Arabian Nights: A Companion
The Minority Report and Other Classic Tales
Sethra Lavode
1066: The Year of the Conquest
Moonraker
Lady Into Fox

April 7
The Victorians
Fool’s Moon
Things Unborn
Strange Creations
Monstrous Regiment
Diamonds Are Forever
The Worst Case Scenario Handbook

May 8
Jackal
Grave Peril
Drive-Thru America
The Dragon King’s Palace
Greed
The Disinformation Book of Lists
From Russia with Love
Assassination Vacation

June 11
Summer Knight
Outposts
The Disappointment Artist
Ancient Mysteries
Bizarre Books
The Worst Case Scenario: Travel
Settling Accounts: Return Engagement
The London Monster
Dr. No
Balsamic Dreams
No Longer on the Map

July
Perdido Street Station
Rashomon Gate
Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers
Schott’s Original Miscellany
On Company Time

Capsule Reviews: Yet Another New Format

2005-06-24T23:51:00.000-04:00

I've come up with a brilliant yet obvious scheme: say exactly what I'm doing in the title so that when I look at these articles months later I know instantly what I was talking about. Genius, no?

Settling Accounts: Return Engagement

Spoilers in
3

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For those who ignored my spoiler warning: starting in How Few Remain, and extending thru the Great War and American Empire series Harry Turtledove created a world where the USA and Confederate States of America fought a second civil war, WWI, and the aftermath of WW I. Here he extends the concept to WW II. Okay, honestly I don't think you can review any of these books without ever having read How Few Remain or the Great War series. Yet Turtledove still has to reintroduce the characters in every single book. Hell, he doesn't even wait for the next book, he'll reintroduce you to character traits whenever the character comes up.
For kicks, here's a list of characters you can sum up in two words or less:
Anne Colleton: Conniving bitch
Scipio: Lying coward*
Cinncinnatus Driver: Tragic, selfish**
Chester Martin: Boring
Sam Carstein: Sunburny McSunburninson***
Hippolito Rodriguez: Mexican
Irving Morrell: Tank guy
Jake Featherston: Hitler clone
Clarence Potter: Spy guy
Armstrong Grimes: FNG
Jefferson Pinkard: Party loyalist
Mary Pomeroy: Irritating terrorist****
Tom Colleton: Random dude

*True his situation is awful, and likely to get worse as the series progresses, but still. He's sucked since he fled the Marshlands
**He's pretty sympathetic to me since I could totally understand his situation; working with the reds, North or South could kill him. And it's not like he wants to stay home.
***The most cited example of Turtledove never letting go of a character trait. Every single time he introduces this clown there has to be a comment somewhere about him being sunburnt, getting sunburned, or dreading getting sunburnt. I...hate him.
****And I thought Anne Colleton was bad. I....can't stand this bitch. I couldn't stand her father either for that matter. My feelings are similar to the horrid film The Patriot: never having had a kid I cannot really sympathize with the tearful parent who does violent things in revenge. Or in this case the annoying sister. Runner up for two words or less: Alexander McHatingamericansinson.
Enough of characters. I like WW II between the two nations and found that the whole "how much will it follow real life WW II" angle is a fascinating one. Since Hitler Clone is the one blitzkreiging I wonder what'll happen when the South falls...will it be like Reconstruction here? Ooo intriguing. I'd say it's Good.
Spoilers leave in
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Outposts
Surprised by the fact that Britain still has an empire, Simon Winchester set out to each one of the imperial possessions and saw what they were like. Basically they were
a) a rock in the Atlantic
b) a military base
c) a vacation spot
d) Pitcairn Island or Hong Kong
or
e) any combination of a, b, or c
I thought it was an interesting look at the remaining colonies, although don't go thinking there's another India lurking in there. Each gets a little historical write up and Winchester's thoughts on the colonies today. I bet that since Hong Kong is lost the jewel in the crown now is probably...Bermuda. St Helena? I dunno.
Fun Fact: Anguilla is the only imperial possession to come back to the British empire. After leaving with St Kitts and Nevis, Anguilla revolted and demanded back into the British fold. Apparently the administration of St Kitts are a bunch of meanies.
Oh and this made a nice constrast to The Victorians.
It's Good.

The Dresden Files series

Since January I've been reading one of these a month and I've been enjoying them immensely. Harry Dresden is a licensed wizard/private eye working out of Chicago. The past few books have had him deal with a rogue wizard, werewolves, vampires, and fairies. I think if you can get past the hokiness of both the fantasy and PI genres it's a lot of fun. So far they're Good.

The Disappointment Artist

Talk about disappointment. This is a collection of essays by novelist Jonathan Lethem. Except for Men and Cartoons I've gotten all his books and except for Girl in Landscape I've loved them all (even This Shape We're In with the ultra confusing ending). But these essays are all about...stuff he likes. I dunno, I just felt after reading this that if I could write in a better way I could come up with a really slim hardback full of essays on my love of Harlan Ellison books and Dangermouse and slap a $25 price tag on it. You know from all I've heard I'm beginning to believe The Fortress of Solitude is a fictionalized version of this book. Eek. Bad Bad.

The London Monster

Apparently in 1790 London was stalked by a man (or men) who cut women's legs with knives. Dozens of women came forward with stories of being attacked by the Monster. Eventually a nondescript weirdo named Rhynwick Williams was caught. Author Jan Bondeson tells the story well, and I enjoyed it immensely. Even if the accuser's attacks ran together and the other "phantom attackers" were pretty boring. Yet another Good.

Assassination Vacation

Sarah Vowell, voice of the teenage chick from The Incredibles, traveled the US to tell the story of the three presidents in the 19th century who were assassinated and their assassins. On the one hand it was quite funny and told well. Nary a yawn from me and I am always supportive of a humorous history popularizer. But on the other hand most of the info I already knew, I actually got tired of the Lincoln portion (which is most of the book...I know Lincoln was obviously the greatest of the assassinated but when you've heard it once you've heard it a million times, oy!) and I found the bit about the Lincoln memorial being almost spiritual for her a bit weird. I dunno, I give it a meh.

Mike's Unoriginal Miscellany

2005-05-29T23:46:00.000-04:00

Personal Note

We-ell, things have been a bit busy here lately. Basically I'm spending every waking moment working, reading, or playing World of Warcraft (WoW). Yes, my warlock is now level 41 and I started an undead priest and he's 23. Man. I'm not as bad as my Dad though, he's got 3 characters above level 40 and he's started another. It's...all he does.
Obviously I haven't been in the mood to blog much. Perhaps it's the awesome other blogs I read. Perhaps it's the utter lack of time I seem to have. Maybe it's because my reviews are like fine compost. :-p

The MAD Bathroom Companion: The Mother Load

I bought the Mad Magazine bathroom book last month hoping to reconnect to Young Mike. Bad idea...yet another bit of crap to add to the refuse pile that was my youth. In other words Mad is surprisingly unfunny. Of course now that I think about it as a kid I was more amused by the antics in Mad instead of viewing it as a laugh-riot.
Essentially the book is a bunch of Mad issues with the movie parodies cut out. I wouldn't have minded one or two but there are NONE. And it's official: The Lighter Side of... sucks.
There are some chuckles, but let's just say I wouldn't have bought all three if they weren't compiled as one. Mad is Bad.

Diamonds are Forever

Well okay my feelings of this book are totally scarred by the name of the villain's gang: the Spangled Mob. I think Fleming was trying to invoke such all-American motifs as the mafia and the Star Spangled Banner, but instead all he invokes is a chuckle. "Ooo scary! I hope I don't get whacked by the Spangled Mob!". Plus I really didn't get his aside about a lavender mob made up of homosexuals. A gay mafia? Wha? And there was a whole paragraph which I am fortunate to forget the details of where Bond rants about how awfully disgusting African Americans are. It was all the nauseating racism of Live and Let Die but in a convenient paragraph!

Yet not the worst Bond book, that's still the snoozefest that is Moonraker. Diamonds are Meh-ever.

From Russia With Love

I was starting to lose faith in Bond. Frankly I enjoyed his adventures but I haven't been wowed since Casino Royale. Then I read From Russia With Love and my faith was restored. I have to say it is probably my fave Bond book now. I just wish I could remember the movie.

Basically, SMERSH decides after their failures in the fifties (which thanks to my espionage obsession in college I can vouch for all their anecdotes and allusions to said failures) they will bloody the nose of one of their many rivals. You know it will lead to Bond since it's a Bond book, although I was a bit surprised Fleming makes SMERSH consider all western spy agencies equal..except Sweden. (We must stop the infernal Swedish! Damn them!) They eventually settle on Bond (and allude to all their dealings with him! continuity!) and come up with a dastardly scheme to make MI6 look bad, kill Bond, and ruin his monumental spy cred.

I was pleasantly surprised. Looking forward to Dr. No next month. I rate it Good.

Jackal

A biography of Carlos the Jackal. I was more surprised by the fact that he was basically just a thug with leftist tendancies. By the end of his career he would except money from any rogue nation, regardless of ideology. (Plus by the end he talked a lot but didn't follow thru on any of his elaborate plans).
I was amused by his insistence that he was the new Che Guevara. I read about Che last year and let me say, Che would have kicked Carlos's ass. Both ideologically and physically.
I guess the reason I had never heard of him is that he did all his terrorism overseas. Just goes to show that if he let off a cherry bomb over here he'd be front page news, but since he was France's worst enemy he's a footnote to history. But conversely if he was well known would I have read a biography of him in the first place? The mind reels.
And I was surprised that his organization was a real life Alias style terrorist organization. If Alias was real his organization would be like SD-6 or the Covenant or Red Faction or whatever the hell the bad guys are this season. Marvin Clone? Mom? Sark and Quentin Tarantino?

I give it a Good.

Monstrous Regiment

Terry Pratchett continues his slide downhill with Monstrous Regiment, a book about an all girl regiment in a new country he's never used before. There were a couple of laughs but eh...I felt the whole thing was Pratchett's look at Iraq. I read to escape the world not go right back to it. Plus Vimes was in it which is a sure sign The Soapbox will be pulled out at some point and the humor will die. What happened to cool unique force of nature but still slightly silly villains? Copious footnotes about hilarious Discworld minutia? Books about Death or Rincewind? The odious Watch being in a single book, not polluting the rest of the series with their tendency to Soapbox? Ugh. Meh.

The Dragon King's Palace

This book encompasses all I like and dislike about the Sano Ichiro mysteries. On the one hand the action is good, the melodrama is high, the stakes are life and death, I can never guess the killer, and I actually care about the characters. But on the other hand the whole bakufu against Sano thing gets really really old now, I wish the shogun would just die already, the weird sex (no gay stuff this time, no decidedly weirder), Yanagisawa is annoying enough but now he has a creepy wife, and his life hinging on the case is also getting really really old.

So yeah. Characters I like being forced into the same annoying situations over and over. I say let him investigate without the bakufu and I would be giddily happy. Despite my negativity I'd still give it a Good since it wasn't that bad and I don't remember reading the last one. It must have been the worst book ever.

Asimov's Guide to Shakespeare

So far the best in-betweener this year has to be this book, which is a kind of Cliff's Notes to every Shakespeare play available. I say kind of because he explains the historical tidbits about each play, what its about and what its about in relation to Shakespeare's time but he doesn't completely rehash the play line by line. Fascinating stuff and a book big enough to crack a walnut to boot.
(Although if this isn't available and you're in the mood for a light read I'd get The Pirate Dictionary. It can be used as not only a handy reference tool but it also explains where expressions like being taken aback and passed with flying colors came from.)

The Victorians by AN Wilson

2005-04-15T21:50:00.000-04:00

Summary: Basically a history of Britain from just before Victoria's reign to a little after (I'd say 1837-1911ish).

- My major gripe is that the book is kind of a kitchen sink approach to the Victorian era - everything is in there. If it happened in Britain (or the colonies, or to Britons in Italy in the 1840s) it's in there. Which, you know, is interesting but after 620 pages it's a bit overkill. There's no way I'm going to remember half of the information I learned in there. And while I do love knowing useless trivia, I really don't think wheat yields of the late Victorian age will be cropping up in any future conversations.

+ He does tend to focus on parliamentary politics, and since historical politics is my bread and butter, I enjoyed those sections the most. I especially gained a new respect for Gladstone and Disraeli, and am interested in learning more about Robert Peel. (While I think I can recite the Presidents of the US and the English royals in order with a little margin of error, I think it would be impossible to say the Prime Ministers in order. Damn, some of those guys were the big cheese for a couple of days.)

+ The bits on the royal family were interesting too. Victoria sounds like a penny-pinching moron, while surprisingly Albert was a bright dude. Wilson says royal influence in government died with him since Victoria shut herself off from the world for the rest of her reign (40 years! Damn!).

- Wilson focuses a lot on the different classes (especially the question of why the English never had an 1848 style revolution - which he asks 3 different times), Ireland, and colonial policy, which of course was wrong in every way but again after 620 pages I felt beaten on the head with how horrible it was to live back then if you weren't a rich white dude (which sounds a lot like today - ha!).

+/- There were some Britishisms which I can't exactly chide Wilson for doing but I was still confused. There's a section in the first half where he says basically "imagine how groovy Parliament was then compared to today" and lists off two dozen MPs whom I assume were awesome but I was perplexed. I only recognized one or two. He has a 10 page or so part where he said it would be neat to be a country parson, which didn't sound all that great to me.

All in all I would probably have to give it a Meh. I found it consistently interesting, but the information overload made it almost a chore to read. Although now I wouldn't mind a book on Victorian politics, or a Prime Minister biography or two.

Moonraker by Ian Fleming

2005-03-31T00:30:00.000-05:00

(Picture withheld because I think blogger doesn't update its statistics when I upload pictures with Hello!, and I've been curious what they are since the statistics haven't been updated since late October. Of course this would be clarified if I e-mailed them but I won't. If you still would like to see a picture of the British paperback of Moonraker, feast your eyes on this.)

(Hot damn it's been a long time since I updated. True I have read 5 books, but I don't really think any of them are review worthy. Perhaps at another time I will post a brief capsule review of each one...if my level 26 Warlock doesn't come in the way first. Now back to the review-)

+ One thing I like is that the plot of the book and the movie are almost completely different. While Live and Let Die was changed for its cloying racism, Moonraker's plot was changed basically because it was outdated.
Moonraker is primarily about the first launch of a British ICBM, which was a big deal because at the time the UK didn't have a nuclear program as advanced as ours. Plus there are some plot elements that I will not reveal but would make more sense if they happened in the early 50's instead of the late 70's.
According to the wikipedia Moonraker entry some of the plot elements made it into the horrific modern Bond flick Die Another Day.

+ Hugo Drax in the book is described as a loud, brash, red-faced, larger than life type. I pictured a red headed cross between Brian Blessed and William H. Taft. While in the movie of course Drax is very cold and quiet. I do think I like both though, they fit both their respective stories so well.

- Unfortunately the plot doesn't really kick into gear for about a hundred pages because of a lame framing device. M asks Bond to check out how Drax cheats at cards (specifically bridge not poker or baccarat) at M's fashionable snooty gentlemen's club. Naturally, being a dude in my 20's, I know next to nothing about Bridge except that each player is a different direction for some reason. So when the Bridge action gets all hot and heavy I started dozing off.

- The love interest of the book is unavailable! Lame! Bond can get any woman even one who is...unavailable. Her name is also Gala Brand, which is amazingly unsexy to me. Solitaire, ooo hot. Vesper Lynd? Yummy. Gala Brand? Er, hi. Girl in the movie? Holly Goodhead. Hee hee.

+/- I still don't get why Bond had any jurisdiction in the novel. See, after Bond proves Drax cheats (at Bridge! Bridge!) Bond is assigned to fill in for a *recently murdered head of security at Drax's rocket making facilities. But...how? True MI5 is more a creepy domestic CIA than FBI but come on, why allow the Foreign Service in at all? Or the Special Branch didn't have any openings? I'm sure Nigel Brathwaitenmortenson, domestic spy, was available or something.

* Oddly enough, this is the first Bond novel to have a mystery element to the plot. Who killed Tallon, the previous head of security? Some German scientist guy (a German scientist who worked on rockets? See I told you it was outdated) killed him and then killed himself, saying they loved the same woman. I have to admit I didn't guess that one, although the big "twist" before the conclusion of the book was painfully obvious.

+ The ending is pretty cool and I'll leave it at that. Let's just say I didn't know submarines could move that fast but it's cool that it did.

Overall, I give it a meh. While last time I gave a Bond book a meh it was because of the content, this time it's because of the lack of decent content. The first hundred pages were dull as dishwater, the second hundred were okay, and the third were really interesting. In the end it was okay but the over the top movie was better. So far the movies have been slightly better but that will probably change because...

James Bond returns next month in...Diamonds Are Forever. Which if you know anything is one of the worst Bond films ever. (Shiver)

Tiny Note

2005-03-01T01:25:00.000-05:00

Okay, you may have guessed it, but I'm spending most of my free time playing a video game and not updating...World o' Warcraft to be exact. So, like when GTA came out one should assume that the blog only I read will be sporadically updated. One of these days I would like to sneak in a review of The Know-It-All, quite possibly my fave non-fiction book of the year already.

Basically I plan on updating hopefully once or twice a week.

Now I must be away to find 8 vials of spider mucus.

2005-02-21T09:21:00.000-05:00

Hunter S. Thompson commited suicide.

He will be missed.
:*(

Many Miscellaneous Musings and The Insidious Fu Manchu

2005-02-21T00:55:00.000-05:00

Oi! Fancy an egg then?

- So no postings for nearly two weeks. Sadness. Nothing really new here...I've decided to actually apply at other places for jobs, so hopefully soon there'll be no sandwich making for me. It took me over a week to read The Insidious Fu Manchu, not due to it's godawful racism but due to World of Warcraft, which is about as much of a leech of my time as San Andreas was.

- A badly timed post at Weekend Stubble sent me scrambling to look at e-bay's antiquarian books section. Seeing as how Mr. Collins only comes out with one book in his library a year I felt it was about time I should dip my toe into 19th century lit myself. Bad times. I only have $7 in my bank account, and I was really dying to get a book on 1880's Washington written by a suffragette and an autobiography of an English comedian named Corney, but neither had a spine and both would've cost me way over the $7 limit. But after paycheck who knows? I have to admit I've always wanted a book from before the 20th century.

- I've decided that Bookcloseouts.com hates me. It's been about a year since I was last there so I decided to peek around and found they have zillions of books I've already bought at a fraction of the price I paid for them. So I was like "Fine, I'll shop around and see if they have something on my wishlist". 150+ books later and I found they had about 11 of them. Ugh, all that typing. And I found even more books I bought at fatcat prices marked down for cheapskates. Oy. After a book I saw at Barnes & Noble, e-bay, and here it's going to be the all book paycheck. No surprises there, eh?

- I think there should be a way I can make a mix DVD. Let me explain: this weekend my sis decided to rent The Forgotten, a movie so bad it...should be forgotten! I kill me. But every time the aliens decided to nab somebody it wasn't ufos and little green men, oh no, houses would be ripped in half and the person would be sucked into the sky. It was one of the coolest things I've ever seen buried in a movie with the most annoying main character in recent history (Forgotten drinking game - take a shot everytime Julianne Moore says Sam or son or starts screaming incoherently...you'll be passed out about 10 minutes in the movie and much happier then if you watched it sober). Anyways, I would put those scenes on the mythical mix DVD, along with all the fight scenes from Equilibrium, the Yoda fight scene from Episode II, any time the Hulk was actually around in The Hulk (about 15 minutes there), all the dream scenes in The Cell, any time Jim Carrey put on the Mask, the first half of Bruce Almighty, and the last 20 minutes of The Devil's Advocate. Mike's Really Great Scenes from Abysmal Movies! I like it.

- So far my favorite video game of the year (that I've played) is Katamari Damacy. It's only $20! Come on, if you like video games at all you should go buy it now. Go ahead. I'll wait.

- February, you are a fucking bitch. Why do I hate you so? Oh let me count the ways. While you taunt me with 28 (sometimes 29) days but it always feels like 1478 days. Today's May 5th right? February 21st? Goddamn it. Sometimes it's cold and sometimes it's warm, make up your mind February! Groundhog Day? Who cares? No one really remembers what the groundhog said six weeks later anyways. Valentine's Day? Yeah, it's packaged as a day for lovers but is in reality a day to torture us poor lonely single souls. Now that I think about it the single man gets no day at all except his birthday and nobody else cares about that one. And when I get a real job I'll have to pay extra taxes because I'm single. Why? To depress me further. Presidents' Day? So let me get this straight, instead of celebrating 2 presidential birthdays we just lump them together? Why does no other holiday follow this time saving rubric? Where's Arbearth day? Fourth of Bastille day? Christmahannahkwanzaakah? Feh! What's with that extra "r" February? Yeah, you were a bane to my second grade self too, Mr. Extra R. I can't wait until you die again. I'm indifferent to March. For some reason I think of March I think of a poster in elementary school with a lion and a lamb (In like a lion, out like a lamb! An expression never used after elementary school) and of course drunken leprachauns.

- The Insidious Dr. Fu Manchu was amazingly short (196 pages) and is pretty repetitive so I don't think it needs a full scale review. Here's the short short version:

1. Well, there's the odious racism. Apparently the Chinese are the most foul humans to ever walk the face of the Earth, and Fu Manchu is only the most evil of an evil race. And I thought Live and Let Die was bad. Hardly a page goes by without an evil Oriental lurking around.
What I didn't get is why the narrator thought his Arabic slave girl was Chinese at first. I mean I know "Oriental" was 19th century for "Asian" but I wouldn't expect an Egyptian to be conversant in Mandarin if you know what I mean. I liked how the narrator fell for the slave girl and he had to go to great pains not to nauseate his Edwardian audience by going on and on about her great beauty and that their relationship would never last anyway.
2. If I didn't already know the book was a couple of interlinked stories it wouldn't have been much of a surprise after reading it. Fu Manchu's latest plot to roll over western civilization with his evil yellow ways will fail and on the next page Smith and the narrator will be in the middle of another case. At one point our heroes awaken after being kidnapped and I had to backtrack to make sure it wasn't mentioned before and I dozed through it(no it wasn't). Speaking of dozing there are whole parts where I fell asleep and didn't mind so much.
3. You know, despite all its obvious faults I liked it. I'm kinda curious how a novel would work, now that I've read 5 or so short stories. Why? Fu Manchu is a globetrotting supervillain! How cool is that? And he always wastes his enemies with weird Eastern science unknown to the western world! Plus Petrie, the narrator, loves to go on and on about Fu Manchu and his dark ways. On and on and on. And on. Just have sex with him and get it over with, Petrie! Overall I found kind of a comic book hokiness to the whole thing which helped raise my enjoyment of Fu Manchu and stomach some of the atrocious racism.
So I think I'll give it a Meh. I'll probably track down the omnibus volume that came out in the 90's but I'm in no rush. This is the first book I've bought due to The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, look out soon for the War of the Worlds (hopefully, especially with the movie coming out this year and all).

Oh and my WoW character is an orc warlock named Orcthulhu. You think that's bad, my Dad named his character after a fart.

The Crystal World by JG Ballard

2005-02-07T23:53:00.000-05:00

More like Crystal Lite! Ah ha ha!

Summary: Supposedly the entire world is being overrun by a type of crystal that covers everything in its path. But that's what they want you to think. In actuality it's about a dude trying to find his lover in an outpost in Africa.

- Yeah okay, so I like my disaster novels huge in scope...here's my version of The Crystal World

DATELINE: New York: A man walks across South 15348348586th Street when suddenly
Hey! I'm walkin' heah! Ack crystals, nooo! (dies)
DATELINE: Vladivostok: A woman...does whatever one does in Vladivostok...fishing?
La la la fishing la la la OH MY GOD!!! NOT CRYSTALS! ARGH! (dies)
DATELINE: Undisclosed Location: Scientist with Big Glasses looks up from his test tubes
Eureka! A cure! A cure for the plague of crystals! But is it too late?
But it is too late for it is a disaster novel, then Scientist makes his speech on the futility of mankind before being eaten by crystals, etc etc.

But oh no, Ballard decides to focus all of his attention on some obscure outpost called Port Matarre in Africa. Dr. Sanders, bland leprosy expert, wants to go into the jungle to find his archeologist girlfriend. But oh no he can't go because creepin' crystals are overtaking the land. So much of the novel is like this
DATELINE: Some lame made-up Port in Africa. Cringe as Dr. Sanders...sits around and mopes!
Hey! French woman who looks suspiciously like my girlfriend which you would think is foreshadowing but isn't! What's going on?
(French chick) I dunno! Look out! A lame sub-plot involving the cliched bad guy and some dude's underage wife!
(Colonel Sanders) Oh no! I'm hit! I'll just pad out the novel with stupid sub-plot...and searching for lame-o married girlfriend of course.
(Le Chic Francais) Oui.

Argh! What about Moscow? Washington? Sri Lanka? NOTHING, NOTHING but stupid made up port, which EVENTUALLY (hey it's a disaster I can OUTRUN) gets eaten. But by that point I stopped caring.

+ Something good to say...Ventriss the bad guy was kinda cool I guess. And it's only 280 pages, which is nice. The bejeweled crocodile struggling to free itself from the crystalline river was neat I suppose.

Anyways, I'm saying this book is Bad. I'm pissed, I'm raving, but it didn't cause my eyes to bleed. I'm more annoyed that such a cool and original way to blow up the world was wasted on a bland unlikeable hero twiddling his thumbs in a lame made-up port.

15 Months of 007 Continues with...Live and Let Die

2005-02-07T19:30:00.000-05:00

Oddly enough, I think I like the movie better. Sure, it's got that lame Smokey and the Bandit-esque section, but it doesn't have the annoying racism of the novel. Plus, out of all the regular Bond movies, I thought it had the best theme song. IMO, the only song from Wings worth listening to.

Summary: Fresh off his last adventure in Royale, James Bond goes to the US to track down gangster and Soviet spy Mr. Big.

- Unfortunately what's going to have to bring the score down is Fleming's weird racism. I mean I guess he was thinking like an average white Englishperson of the time, but hot damn...there's a whole passage on "how unusual it was to see a negress drive a car, much less a negress being the chauffeur of a car) that seemed like a bit much to me. Also, Fleming seems to think that all black people/African-Americans believe in voodoo. Obviously this is bat guano, but I guess he assumed that all black people are superstitious cowards except...

+ Mr. Big is a pretty cool villain, even if his head is supposed to look like a big gray football. Although I'm not really sure why he would sell out to the Soviets and no reason is given other than it is Evil. I have to admit I liked his speech about black people making advances in science and culture and it is his turn to advance the cause of black crime and villainy.

+ Gasp! More continuity! Hold me while I faint! Bond was given a couple of weeks off at the end of Casino Royale and at the beginning of Live and Let Die he shows up after his brief holiday in M's office itching for revenge against Smersh. Neat!

- Solitaire is more window dressing than the previous Bond girl. Frankly, all she seems to be there for is Bond's lust. She uses her psychic powers for about ten seconds and is then rescued from her white slavery and then spends the rest of the novel hanging out. Meh.

+/- Oddly enough, the vengeance for Felix Leiter's mauling by a shark and the death of the guy responsible wasn't filmed in Live and Let Die but rather 15+ years later in Licence to Kill. That was a little weird. And I assumed that after The Living Daylights none of the other movies had anything to do with the original books.

Overall I'd have to give it a Meh. Unlike the Lovecraft and Robert E. Howard I've read, the racism was such a vital part of the plot that the score had to go down. Other than that I thought the action was tight and I look forward to the next book. As in...

James Bond will return in March with Moonraker.

More Miscellaneous Musings and some excerpts from The Polysyllabic Spree by Nick Hornby

2005-02-05T14:22:00.000-05:00

This space for rent.

- As seen in a couple of previous reviews I've decided to change my grading scale from *'s to a color coded system. Why? Mostly because I naturally think a book is either good or meh, most of the time the * system was completely arbitrary. While this may be a great system for Ebert, it annoys the hell out of me. So here's the system for further reference:

Crap - pain incarnate. My eyes boiled, skin peeled, and brain liquified while reading this horrible horrible garbage. Very rare.
Bad - mostly terrible, with some good bits
Meh - could be worse, could be better. Mediocre is close but a bit harsh.
Good - mostly good, with some terrible bits
Awesome - one of the best books I've read this year, if ever. You need to stop reading this blog and go buy it. Pretty rare.

Unfortunately yellow sucks. I still think it's an appropriate color to use though, so just assume when you can't see it that it is in fact yellow, or Meh. Maybe I should change it to stylish black? The jury is still out.

- I've found some much better book related blogs in the past month or so. That Paul Collins guy, whom I can't seem to stop typing about, has a blog he updates on weekends. And there's a terrific blog on Bookslut. I like the blog so much I would get a Bookslut t-shirt, if they weren't all so feminine. Too bad there's not a site called Bookmanwhore or something. Bookho.

- As an incentive to subscribing to The Believer (so far the only book review magazine worth reading, oy) McSweeney's gave me a copy of Nick Hornby's The Polysyllabic Spree, a compliation of his book columns from said magazine. I feel that a book review of a book of book reviews is a bit too odd for one such as I.
So here are a couple of passages I thought were the most amusing.

On books:
One of the reasons I wanted to write this column, I think, is because I assumed that the cultural highlight of my month would arrive in book form, and that's true, probably for eleven months of the year. Books are, let's face it, better than anything else. If we played Cultural Fantasy Boxing League, and made books go fifteen rounds in the ring against the best that any other art form had to offer, then books would win pretty much every time. Go on, try it. "The Magic Flute" vs Middlemarch? Middlemarch in six...
page 58

One of the best arguments for my purchasing habits:
I don't want anyone writing in to point out that I spend too much money on books, many of which I will never read. I know that already. I certainly intend to read all of them, more or less. My intentions are good. Anyway, it's my money. And I'll bet you do it too.
page 14

Sometimes I feel this way:
I bought so many books this month it's obscene, and I'm not owning up to them all...
page 95

And finally an interesting perspective on a book series:
Prayers for Rain is "a Kenzie and Gennaro novel," and if I'd spotted those words on a cover, I probably wouldn't have read it. I appreciate I'm in the minority here, but I don't get the appeal of the reappearing hero. I don't get Kay Scarpetta, or James Bond, or Hercule Poirot; I don't even get Sherlock Holmes. My problem is that, when I'm reading a novel, I have a need - a childish need, B.S. Johnson would argue - to believe that the events described therein are definitive, that they really matter to the characters. In other words, if 1987 turned out to be a real bitch of a year for Winston Smith, then I don't want to waste my time reading about what happened to him in '84.
page 105

Sometimes I do have to agree with the last passage, especially with a mystery series. When I read the entire Marcus Didius Falco mystery series over the course of '02 I knew that Falco was never in any serious danger because I had 10 more books to go.
Of course it's still an unusual position to take, disavowing all ongoing series. It reminds me of my mom, who will never read a book in first person. I know personally I detest most forms of plain Fiction. If it could happen right now then I automatically don't care. Even mysteries set in the modern day I shun.

Zeppelins West by Joe Lansdale

2005-02-05T00:58:00.000-05:00

Summary: Wild Bill Hickok, Annie Oakley, Sitting Bull, Ned Buntline, and the disembodied head of Buffalo Bill go to Japan to rescue Frankenstein's Monster. Mostly.

+ I did enjoy the plot, even if it was mostly a rehash of er an HG Wells novel. I'd have to say it's one of the weirdest novels I've ever read. Frankenstein's Monster is being ground into an aphrodisiac by the Shogun, Buffalo Bill's head floating in a mason jar filled with pig urine, the monster and the Tin Man becoming lovers, are some examples of the extreme weirdness. But I think it's bizarre in a good way. I didn't even mind that most of the historical stuff he throws out makes no sense (helium filled zeppelins? the Red Baron's dad is a pilot for the wild west show? how did the shogunate survive modernization? etc etc)...I view it as more of a historical fantasy than an alternate history.

- I didn't really like that most of the action took place on...the bit after they leave Japan. The parallels with unnamed HG Wells novel are many and I haven't even read unnamed HG Wells novel. Also humor in a book is a tough sell to me and I found most of the jokes unfunny. Except for the dinner scene where it seems almost everyone whips it out.

It's a really short book so there's not much more to say other than it's Good. I dunno if I'd go out of my way to track Zeppelins West down or anything, but if you do happen to find it and you like a surreal/historical/humor/fantasy novel then you could do worse.

2005-02-02T23:05:00.000-05:00

Just a note saying that I'm alive and all. Yesterday I got Paul Collin's Sixpence House in the mail and finished it today. That's the first time I've bought a book and finished it the next day. Expect a review soon, as well as a review of Zeppelins West, maybe one of The Great Pretenders, and some thoughts on The Polysyllabic Spree by Nick Hornsby. This picture has to do with none of that, and was the recent of an image search on Google for "bookshelf". Fun Fact: Japanese like showing off their bookshelves. Of books in Japanese. D'oh-u!

Girl in Landscape by Jonathan Lethem

2005-01-27T15:08:00.000-05:00

I have to admit, one of the primary appeals in acquiring this book was the title. It has such a simple appeal. Kinda reminds me of Christina's World or something.

Summary: The Marsh family moves to the Planet of the Archbuilders.

+ I have to admit I liked the Archbuilders themselves. They're part of that old grand Sci-fi tradition of "ancient aliens who built stuff and then went away", except in this case some stayed behind on a planet tailor made for them. I liked their love of English and their weird names like Lonely Dumptruck and Truth Reknowned. I also liked (similar to the apocalypse in Amnesia Moon) the reasons why they stayed behind are never explained.

- Unfortunately I never really liked the character of Pella Marsh. She just seemed so snooty, so quick to put down her father all the time. True he did seem kinda weak, but I didn't see any reason to hate him so much other than he lived and Caitlin died. Speaking of...

- I didn't mind the mother dying at the beginning of the book (which does happen at the beginning and is even mentioned on the back of the book so don't complain of spoilers or anything) but what I really did mind was that the Marsh children called their parents by their first names. Throughout the whole book I had to remind myself of who Caitlin and Clement are. What the hell is wrong with Mom and Dad? Damn hippies. Oy.

+/- I did like the power one gets from the Archbuilder viruses (throughout the beginning of the book there is a great fear of what happens if one stops taking their pills to stop the potentially deadly viruses) even if it is kinda lame. Which makes no sense unless you read it, ah ha ha.

+ I loved the idea of the Archbuilder potatoes, even if the fish one is kinda creepy. Frankly, if they made steaks that grew on trees, tasted exactly the same, and weren't $50 extra I would totally go vegetarian.

+/- While I did enjoy the story, I got the impression that not much was going on. I felt the same while reading Kim Stanley Robinson's The Wild Shore, which I enjoyed also. I guess coming of age stories progress at such a leisurely pace that part of me gets pretty bored after a while. Rest assured, things happen (they have to at only 280 pages) but not fast enough for my proto-ADD.

+ I'm sure as hell glad the Lolita-ish part of the story was pretty quick. I don't need to read about a 13 year old attracted to an er older man. Did they ever say how old Efram was? I dunno.

+ Efram as the heavy was pretty cool. Even if he was offstage a lot. And I liked the shopkeeper E.G. Wa. I did like the aloof scientist Diana Easterling, even if her reasons for leaving are lame.

- Most of the characters are background filler though. I kept getting confused between the two annoying Marsh brothers, and all the children in the town started blending together. "Oh yeah, that's the guy who likes Pella and not his brother. Oh yeah, that's the annoying kid's older brother" etc, etc.

+ I did like the western elements too. Archbuilders can double as Amerinds as well, potatoes are well potatoes, and the barren nature of the Planet. There's even the general store and a town drunk.

Overall, I rate Girl in Landscape good. Pella as the main character brought it down a bit, as well as the leisurely pace of events. I wouldn't say it's the worst Lethem I've read...perhaps the least good? Best meh?

Notable Quotables: They weren't split like all the rest of the world into fuckers and fuckees. - Pella Marsh on the Archbuilders, page 138

Miscellaneous Musings

2005-01-24T12:17:00.000-05:00

- Ever since reading an article on Virginius Dabney's Don Miff in The Believer, I've developed an obsession with the Collins Library. The Collins Library is basically a guy, Paul Collins, reprinting old and forgotten books that are still readable and interesting. I think this plays to both my love of forgotten history and my love of books. This guy can't print 'em fast enough for me. Plus he wrote my fave non-fiction book of last year, Banvard's Folly. I should be getting my first shipment soon, and I canna wait. I dare you to look at this and not buy it.

(The weird thing is the whole Collins Library idea reminded me of somebody I read about in Neil Gaiman's blog a couple of months ago. Henry Stephen Keeler is supposed to be the "Ed Wood of mystery novelists". I was so intrigued and amused that I was thinking of getting one of his books, but I've put it off due to a) fans saying the wrong book can turn you off Keeler completely, and b) the only way to get most of his stuff is thru print on demand, and $18 for the wrong book is a bit steep for me.

Anyway it turns out that the next book in the Collins Library will be one of Keeler's oeuvre. Weird bit of serendipity or what?)

- I've decided to be less canonical about book reviews. Before, I wanted to write on every book I read. Now, I think I'll just focus on the ones that will be most interesting to write. For example, the Raising Hell review was really hard to write since there wasn't much of a unifying narrative to review per se. I am thinking of writing a review of some of the books I read earlier this month, if nothing else as to really how stinky they are. This hasn't been that great a month in book-land, if you catch my drift.

The Man Who Broke Napoleon's Codes by Mark Urban

2005-01-21T20:46:00.000-05:00

More like The History of the Peninsular War With Some Cryptography Thrown in There For Some Good Measure.

Summary: The publisher says this is the story of "Common-born George Scovell -- an engraver's apprentice -- joins the British Army during the Napoleonic Wars and becomes a commissioned officer. As Bonaparte's juggernaut marches across Europe, Scovell soon proves himself a linguistic genius and begins to crack the basic codes used in French dispatches, giving General Wellington advance knowledge of French plans."

- But I say this is really just a history of the Peninsular War with an emphasis of George Scovell, common born officer and codebreakin' hobbyist. Scovell doesn't break a code until over a hundred pages in, the rest is a blow by blow account of how the British invaded Portugal and gained a foothold in Iberia. Frankly, I find military history a bit boring...I can't really picture "Lord Ragon's 47th Regiment of Dragoons" for example because a) that's probably several hundred to a thousand people in b) costumes I've never seen before c) some of which are getting killed. Military historians always assume you know. Am I supposed to picture those little rectangles they always have pictured on maps of battles? I dunno.

+ Scovell himself is presented as a sympathetic guy, a commoner being allowed to get pretty high ranks in the British military by breakin' the Grand Chiffre (the ultimate in French code making), forming the first military police in British history, and forming a troop composed of domestic troops (after all, most of the action is in Portugal/Spain anyway)...until the war ends and he's shit on again. However...

- There is a tenuous grasp on Scovell himself. You see what he does but not really what he feels. Why didn't he stay on as an engraver's apprentice? Why did he start up code breaking? There are some parts where he sees something so amazing he puts it in his diaries, but overall this whole book feels more like WELLINGTON LIBERATES IBERIA with the help of some code breaking than a biography of Scovell, which is what I thought it would be.

- Other people and events are developed little or not at all. Napoleon himself is barely in the book at all, and there isn't really any backstory as to the conquest of Spain & Portugal, the French treatment of Iberia, or even the period between the campaign and Waterloo.

** 1/2 - some interesting stuff but mostly boring military slog...probably the first book I sell in 2005

Casino Royale by Ian Fleming

2005-01-18T20:10:00.000-05:00

I'm the only person on Earth who likes the movie. My only feeble defense is that I like the mod surrealism better than the lame jokes. That and I saw it about a million times when I was twelve. But I am not ashamed of my love of the theme song. I'd rather hear the Casino Royale theme than any of the "real" James Bond movie themes.

Summary: In his first adventure, James Bond is sent to out-gamble and humiliate Soviet spy Le Chiffre.

+ One of the first things I noticed was that the style of the novel was quite pulpy. I'm not sure what I expected, but something similar to hardboiled private eye wasn't one of them. I have to admit I liked it.

- The weirdest bits are the plot elements that don't sound like "James Bond". For example, Bond loses at baccarat! Hey, I thought James Bond can never lose! Or at one point Bond gets tortured and is saved by someone else at the last moment! Hey, I thought James Bond can get out of any scrape! He's James Bond! And he falls in love with the first Bond girl, Vesper Lynd (I guess the double entendrees come later). This sounds more like the modern Bond, where he has to fall in love with his Bond girl 'o the movie and then bang her, instead of banging her and one assumes after the credits that he gently dumps her (no Pussy, it's me not you!)...it almost sounds anti-Bond to me.

+ I did enjoy the references to WW II. Fleming was part of naval intelligence during the war, and so knew a thing or two about the spy game. And this was set in 1953 (one assumes, although no date is listed), with the Cold War in full gear and the war fresh in everyone's minds.

+ I also liked the fact that Bond is still a newbie to the spy game. At one point he gets all philosopical about good and evil (Hey, I thought Bond was more suave then substance!) and mentions his only previous jobs were during the war, and neither involved an evil supervillain. Well maybe not supervillain, but Le Chiffre was a step up from lone Japanese radio operators. He feels uncertainty about being a spy, (gasp!) and actually tries to resign at one point (wha?).

- Le Chiffre is supposed to be pudgy, beardless, humorless, and have brown hair. But naturally after seeing the movie Casino Royale, I can only picture him as Orson Welles. I have to admit, while Le Chiffre in the book was cool I think Orson Welles was better. He may be evil, but he can make a banner with the world's flags appear on it out of thin air.

+ I did enjoy the other characters, even the bumbling innkeepers who tried to bug Bond's room. Felix Leiter is less the guy from Goldfinger then Joe Don Baker, the dude who plays Bond's American liaison nowadays.
Here's something from the Ian Fleming Wikipedia article on Vesper Lynd:

Then followed the novel Casino Royale, published in 1953—it is believed the woman character, Vesper Lynd, is real-life, WWII SOE agent, Christine Granville, likewise, various inspirations for James Bond, the protagonist, have been suggested.

I heard that Bond was Intrepid, one of the foremost British intelligence agents of WW II, but what do I know.

*** 1/2 - short, fun, and quick for the most part, the last fifty pages feel like unnecessary padding which otherwise would have elevated the score a bit more

Fun Fact: According to the Val Guest interview on the Casino Royale DVD, the reason why the movie is so unlike the book is because all rights the movie company had was to the title Casino Royale, the casino itself, Le Chiffre and they could use James Bond. The bit with Le Chiffre is relatively minor, I guess because they decided to go the comedy route and the book is really short (a little over 200 pages).

Another Fun Fact: The first appearance of Bond outside of literature was in a 1950's American tv series, where James Bond was an American named Jimmy Bond. Eww. Click on the link to see the Wikipedia article on Casino Royale, which is quite lengthy. Warning though, spoilers ahoy.

Year's End Round-up

2005-01-17T13:58:00.000-05:00

Hey hey there reader-inos. I think it is finally time to type the big huge Year-in-Review I've been thinking of doing since December. I like these year in review thingies, but only after the year is over. After all, things do happen at the end of December, like Boris Yeltsin resigning and that horrible tsunami in Asia.

Anyway, without further ado, here is the bestest stuff I read in 2004 (cue hands clapping):

The Great Books - Some really great books, but not the best books, those are towards the end of the list...consider these honorable mentions

The Well of Lost Plots - the third in the Thursday Next series, and my personal favorite since it takes place totally in the Bookworld.
Night Moves - a book of Tim Powers' short stories, some of which are truly amazing. I say some since his collaborations with James Blaylock leave much to be desired.
Samurai William - the life of the first Englishman to settle in Japan, which I chronicled before. After this and The Riddle and the Knight, I definitely want to track down more books by Giles Morton.
The Severed Wing - an alternate history where WW II never happened and WW I lasted 6 months. Oddly enough, it doesn't seem much better.
Devil’s Engine - another alternate history, here magic becomes reality after the Battle of Shiloh. Our hero is a sheriff in the weird wild west.
The Annotated Hobbit - JRR Tolkein's The Hobbit with footnotes. The Lord of the Rings could cure insomnia in my opinion, but The Hobbit is awesome, and I think this is the definitive edition.
The Thackery T. Lambshead Pocket Guide to Eccentric and Discredited Diseases - a strange group of disease case studies written by science fiction and fantasy authors. Some are amazingly inventive while others are lame, but overall I was greatly amused by the whole thing. I just wish they'd do more.
American Empire: The Victorious Opposition - latest in the Great War/American Empire/whatever series by Harry Turtledove. True he does repeat a lot, and true he says in 20 books what one could say in 3, but I still love the Great War series nonetheless. WW I fought between the Confederacy and the US? Awesome! Too bad nobody is a journalist or something since news overseas is always sketchy at best.
The Book of Ratings - this website in book form. Quite possibly some of the funniest things I've ever read in book form? Priceless!
The Conan Chronicles Volume 2: The Hour of the Dragon - The second half of Robert E. Howard Conan stories put out by Gollancz. Much more readable than the second half. I just wish I had waited a year longer since they finally started reprinting Conan stories on this side of the Atlantic. Oh well.
Hanussen - the story of the Jewish hypnotist who became buddies with a rising politician named Hitler. Who knew this hypnotist/con-man guy was the toast of Weimar Germany? Not I.
Massacre at the Palace - the story of the Tibetan royal family. I don't know what was stranger, that this book was written or that it would be so interesting.
Time On My Hands - a guy gets to use a time machine but only if he agrees to not let Ronald Reagan become president. Not very favorable to Reagan at all (a glimpse is shown of a non-Reagan universe and everyone is so much happier, gag gag) but still interesting nonetheless.
Jennifer Government - a satire about a much more corporately dominated world. One of my favorite touches is that everyone takes the last name of the corporation they work for, so there is a character named John Nike as well as Jennifer Government herself.
mental_floss Presents: Condensed Knowledge - a book of lists for a new generation. And it got me into the awesome majesty that is mental_floss, for which I am eternally grateful.
Forty Ways to Look at Winston Churchill - both a bio of Churchill and a look into the art of biography itself. Chances are this is one of those rare nonfiction books I'll be rereading.
One King, One Soldier - Irvine's second novel, about the Holy Grail and Arthurian legend. Now that I know who Arthur Rimbaud is, I wanna read a biography.
The Riddle and the Knight - the story of Sir John Mandeville, and the quest to prove he actually existed. Very interesting, very readable, highly recommended if inconclusive.
The Accusers - mentioned elsewhere, this book made restored my faith in the Falco mystery series. Apparently traipsing thru Britain = intense suckage.
Savage Night - the more I read Jim Thompson, the more I am blown away.
Approaching Oblivion - the 70's was Harlan Ellison's golden age, here's an example.
Danse Macabre - the history of horror by Stephen King. How could I pass it up? That'd be too Dionysian.
A Blazing World - the annotated guide to the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen volume 2. Frankly I think it's the best comic series I've ever read, even if I only "get" about 10% of the references.
The Annotated Dragonlance Chronicles - so you can create a compelling series with good characters and a so-so story? Who knew?
Empire: A Very Short Introduction - Quick, concise, and oh so interesting.
The Eighty Greatest Conspiracies of All Time - the primary source on conspiracies. I think I like them best because they have a sardonic wit about everything, so much conspiracy crap is so darn serious. Too bad they only come up with 10 new conspiracies per edition though.
Yakuza: Japan's Criminal Underworld - the history of the Yakuza, the Japanese mafia. Did you know if you can't find a lawyer you can use a yakuza to mediate in a dispute? Scary and awesome.
Lost in a Good Book - the second in the Thursday Next series. Next is a literary detective in an amusing alternate reality. Any book where I mean to read 50 pages but read 200 is rare and awesome.
Hannibal’s Children - an alternate history of Rome's defeat by Carthage. The entire populace of Rome moves to the Baltic and plots its revenge. Way better than I thought it would be, thanks Amazon.com.
Among the Gently Mad - a how-to guide for book collecting. Interesting and informative.
The Lord of Castle Black - the middle of the Viscount of Adrilankha trilogy. Restored my faith in Paarfi, let me tell you.
More Annotated Lovecraft - frankly I think Joshi should have done about a hundred more of these. Oh well.
King Leopold's Ghost - amazing history of the "Congo Free State" from conception to the death of Leopold.

The Best of the Year

Best Novel of the Year - A Scattering of Jades - amazing and mind-blowing. Enough like Tim Powers to get me over his current dry period.
Best Short Story Collection - The Atrocity Archive - technically 2 novellas, but that still counts around here. I was totally amazed by this book, even if the higher math was beyond me.
Best Non-fiction - Banvard's Folly - spectacular stories of people in the past who had it all and then blew it.

And finally, the lesser books of 2004.

The Most Disappointing Books of the Year
The Da Vinci Code - conspiracy stuff that anybody remotely interested in conspiracies already knows, lame puzzle stuff, and Hollywood style action (it's your average symbologist - to the XTREME!). Feh.
Psychoshop - the amazing talents of Alfred Bester and Roger Zelazny are wasted here. Now I know what happens to that little shop on the corner that sells magic trinkets and suddenly disappears and I really don't care.
Naked Economics - i found it interesting at the time but now i remember none of it. Literally. If I hadn't written down that I had read it I would have forgotten about it totally.
Winds of Change - an anthology of mediocre Isaac Asimov stories I had ditched in 6th grade, rediscovered, and read only to find that 11 year old Mike was right.
The Paperclip Conspiracy - the story of the Nazi scientists America gained after WW II. So mind-numbingly dull it should have a warning label.
Driving Mr. Albert - a dude and the guy who stole Einstein's brain go on a roadtrip to return it to Einstein's daughter. On the one hand I found it interesting that the guy who stole the brain remains an enigma even after the trip is over. Much more realistic. But...the author says "brain" or "Einstein" about 80,000 times per page. Fun fact: he says brain so much my eyes were boiling with rage by the end of the book.
On Pirates - James Blaylock and Tim Powers write a short story and a couple of poems about pirates. Pretty lame actually, I don't believe I paid $55 for it.
Presidential Inaugurations - Presidential Campaigns is the first book of non-fiction I ever read outside of school. It made me think "Hey, maybe there's something to not reading sci-fi after all!" and changed my reading style forevermore. This book on the other hand made me regret ever thinking of reading non-fiction.
The Gifts of the Jews - hey I know, let's prove how the Jews changed the world by doing a Cliff's Notes of the Old Testament! How did they actually change the world? Hell if I know. I do feel like I read a whole season's worth of Mysteries of the Bible though.
Frankenstein Unbound - made the crappy movie look good and that's saying something.
The Hell-fire Clubs - yes, it's the history of anti-morality as well as a history of the hell-fire clubs. All two of them. Oy.
Profoundly Disturbing! - Joe Bob Briggs is one of the coolest people ever. You'd expect a book of his reviews to be funny as well as informative right? Hell no! Profoundly Disturbing reads as if it was written by an assistant professor in film, instead of the king of the drive-in. I'm glad I didn't buy it. One star, don't check it out.
Sherman: A Soldier’s Life - Sherman: A Snooze-fest is more like it
Almost History - a couple of cool memos and lots of pages of filler
Wiseguys and Goodfellas - you don't really want to know about Henry Hill's life after Goodfellas do you? Here, let me sum it up: redneck town, drug abuse, another redneck town, lotsa adultery, yet another redneck town, more drug abuse and sleeping around, LA, rehab, the end.
Mr. Timothy - hey I know, let's hook readers in with a "Tiny Tim grows up and solves crime" gimmick, then rarely show anything relating to "A Christmas Carol" and instead pad it out with an okay mystery and lots of tearful boring father-son soul searching! Brilliant!

The Worst Books of 2004

Worst Novel/Short Story Collection - The Amazing Dr. Darwin - I was expecting The X-Files with Erasmus Darwin, instead it was Scooby Doo with Erasmus Darwin and stupid Scottish sidekick. Lame lame lame.
Worst Non-fiction - The Greek Myths - So bad I couldn't finish it. And I finish everything.

There you have it, the best and worst of the 106 books I read last year. Now I must go to bed, so tired, so tired. Sorry about no weblinks but if you're interested you should really cut n paste anyways. Ciao.

15 Months of 007

2005-01-12T01:39:00.000-05:00

Well, last week I wrote a fairly lengthy list of capsule reviews from all the way in November to the present, and naturally the list got erased before it could be published. Happy New Year, oy. So I might write it all again, or I might just skip it and just write reviews of books starting at the beginning of this month. All two of them. Feh. I'd also like to do a 2004 retrospective, if there's time.

The next book I'm reading is Casino Royale. I saw all 15 Ian Fleming James Bond novels in a snazzy box set for under $20 last November and had to have it. So, like Spike TV and TBS before it, I declare an unecessary James Bond marathon! One Bond book a month until I run out! Or if they start sucking and I skip 'em, whichever first. Hopefully they're as good as I've heard.

So happy New Year. So far this year I'm in $1000 of debt and have no car. Woo. The weird thing is, the last book I read said that all my sudden string of bad luck could be due to magickal attack. What'd I do, o magickal overlords? Cthulhu ftaghn?

Scandal Takes a Holiday by Lindsey Davis

2004-12-15T18:35:00.000-05:00

First long review since October...weird.

The Marcus Didius Falco (henceforth "Falco") mystery series is probably my favorite ongoing mystery series because I enjoy the irreverent main character. No one, especially himself, takes Falco seriously, which can be quite hilarious. He's a character I genuinely care about, which seems kinda rare in mysteries nowadays. Plus I enjoy the historical setting. While most mysteries set during the Roman era focus on the Republic, or the Augustan era, the Falco series is set during the reign of Vespasian. This may not seem that big a deal, but it seems like all the other authors want to tie their mysteries to real historical events, which was interesting at first but now seems to be a bit annoying. For example, I've heard the latest Gordianus the Finder novel spends 3/4 of the book in Egypt with Gordianus witnessing events like the assassination of Pompey/Caesar & Cleopatra's affair, instead of actually solving any kind of mystery. I like my mysteries with you know a mystery as opposed to historical fiction. As far as I can tell, Falco hasn't been involved in any major historical events in any of his adventures.

Lately, Davis has injected an overall theme into her books. Falco investigates a crime that involves some aspect of Roman society, like the aqueduct system or justice. In most cases this can be informative as well as entertaining, depending on the theme. (The best = either the one on the aforementioned aqueducts or authors...the worst was probably the one on architecture) In this one, Falco travels to the port of Ostia to find a missing scribe. Along the way he bumps into pirates, whom officially did not exist after Pompey got rid of them over a century before. Since Ostia was Rome's official port and there's pirates, you can guess this one has a nautical/pirate theme.

Overall I enjoyed this one, even if I got a lot of the names mixed up. There was one scene where I had no idea who the person being killed was until I looked him up in the handy dandy list o' characters. It's not as painful as A Body in the Bathhouse, but not as memorable as Last Act in Palmyra. I would suggest new readers start with Silver Pigs, since the Falco series is one of those rare mystery series with any sort of continuity.

*** 1/2

Which would you read?

2004-12-08T23:39:00.000-05:00

Merry freakin' christmas people. To celebrate, it's been an unofficial tradition of sorts around here to read something either depressing or post-apocalyptic. Why? Because I get tired of the enforced cheeriness everywhere. There's only so much :-D BUY THINGS! LOVE HAPPY HAPPY! BELIEVE IN SANTA, SO YOUR PARENTS CAN BUY YOU STUFF! BUY THINGS! :-D I can take. Plus I think subconsiously winter = cold = death to me. Usually in January I read a lot of horror novels, probably for that reason. Or I'm scared of the new year. Wooo-oooo. Anyway, I digress. One year I read This Is the Way the World Ends, quite possibly one of the most depressing books I've ever read. Last year it was Amnesia Moon, a not depressing but bizarre tale of a guy living life after the end of civilization...sort of. I still wonder what those McDonald's mutants eat.

Anyway my point is I was planning on reading Mr. Timothy, a mystery novel featuring a grown-up Timothy Cratchit. It's supposed to be a lot like Dickens, and that sounds depressing and it's gotta be set around X-Mas, what with Average Sized Tim as the main character. But then I was thinking "Hey, what could be more of a downer then Battle Royale?". Yes, the Japanese book/manga/movie/etc about a middle school class trapped on an island and forced to kill each other. I got the book, since you have to read manga backwards now and that drives me nuts, and the movie is only available as a bootleg.

Ah decisions decisions. I'll probably go with Mr. Timothy since it does have a Christmas theme...and save Battle Royale for January. Maybe.

On a completely unrelated note, the Christmas Tree Peeps look a little like Cthulhu to me. Not an exact likeness, but similar. Cthulhu fthagn! Ia Ia Shub-Niggurath!

Please, oh Mary Worth creators, let dear sweet Mare get her first taste of crystal meth

2004-12-06T17:55:00.000-05:00

Yes, it has been quite a long time since I posted anything. Lately I just haven't been in the mood to surf the 'net, let alone do anything else on the computer. In the past month and a half I've gotten Halo 2, Godzilla: Save the Earth, and holy mother San Andreas to tide me by. Not to mention the reading. I've met a reading milestone: 100 books read in '04! Hooray! Last year it was only 96. To celebrate I'm reading an outrageously long book - The Annotated Dragonlance Chronicles. Over 1325 pages of dragonlancing goodness. So far I think the story is okay but I'm surprised it was a bestseller. The annotations seem to be either

a) something interesting
b) some in-joke
c) some rule in D & D
d) an irritating shameless plug for another book on some minutia in Dragonlance lore - do we really need a book on Theocrat Hederick? No. No we don't.
e) some spoiler...fortunately I read all the books in middle school or my eyes would boil with rage

But overall I am enjoying it. I think the appeal of the Chronicles lies less in the violence (which frankly is pretty rare) and more in the characters. Raistlin is one of the most interesting characters I've ever read - here the authors attempt to have an evil character travel around with a party of good ones. I always wondered what that would be like, here Raistlin is presented as either less evil than the enemies they are facing or helpful but also sarcastic and snide. The characters I like the least are Goldmoon and Riverwind, I guess because when I think barbarian I think of Conan lopping heads off, bitching about civilization and their pansy cities, and showering in his enemies blood before bedding a buxom babe, instead of hippie white goody-two-shoes Indians.

Anyway, since I'm probably not finishing this book until (cross fingers) next week, I'll have enough time soon to write a decent longish review on Scandal Takes a Holiday and Gangsters and Goodfellas. Of course, I can't do that now as I have to go and play games/read gigantabook. Tootles.

PS
The title of this post is taken from I read the comics so you don't have to, the best blog I've seen in years. It alludes to the almost perfect Mary Worth crystal meth storyline, that had me laughing 'til I cried. Highly recommended.

Change of Format? 6 Quick Reviews

2004-11-24T00:01:00.000-05:00

Couldn't think of which cover to use, so instead chose an image of Michael Whelan's Lovecraft's Nightmare, quite possibly the best set of book covers ever made

So I haven't reviewed any of the books I've read this month, and I realized I probably won't have the time to do an in-depth review of any of them in the foreseeable future. What to do? I think I'll do some capsule reviews and see how those pan out. So here goes:

A Blazing World by Jess Nevins

Synopsis: Nevins supplements the second volume of The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen with a truckload of references, asides, trivia, and allusions.

Review: I was as impressed with this one as much as the first one. If you're a fan of the League you owe it to yourself to pick this up. The only real downside is that 3/4 of the book is the almanac, which is as overwhelming in the annotated version as it is in the original.

****

Fun Fact: Alan Moore probably won't be writing a sequel for years, if ever. :-(

The Shub-Niggurath Cycle edited by Robert Price

Synopsis: A series of of stories featuring the titular goddess of fertility, the Black Goat of the Woods, the Dark Mother of a Thousand Young, Shub-Niggurath.

Review: I enjoyed it, even if the first few stories were about Satan and not the Black Goat. And one story (whose name escapes me but it involves an infernal odor of all things) was so vague it could have been about anything. But overall I thought it was good, just don't expect greatness or anything.

*** 1/2

Fun Fact: It was translated into French, of all things. Click on the link to see the book cover, with its evil looking goat. Goats have always looked more bemused then devilish to me.

Lust by Simon Blackburn

Synopsis: A history of lust. There you go.

Review: An amusing overview of lust and feelings concerning it throughout the ages by a British philosopher. I like his bemused attachment to the subject. Plus it was one of the shortest books I've ever read, which to me is nice since I can go straight back to fiction.

*** 1/2

Fun Fact: The demonization of lust goes back to Plato of all people. Of course the ancient Greek ideal was between a man and a boy so I can see where man/woman lust would be repellant.

Fraternity by Bob Greene

Synopsis: A journalist makes an unofficial goal of meeting 5 former presidents of the US, with interesting results.

Review: I enjoyed seeing each of the former presidents in an informal kind of chatty way. They all seemed like really interesting guys.
-One word to describe Nixon was repressed. I don't believe he wore a suit and tie all the time. And even his friends didn't call him Dick, they called him Mr. President.
-Carter was like a god almost. I can see where out of all the modern presidents, he's had the most interesting post-presidential career. The best part was the political wrangling with Newt Gingrich. He was weird since he had everything planned out...even what music his secretary was allowed to listen to and in what order.
-He didn't get that much time with Bush the elder, but he seemed like a nice guy. Very different from the father of darkness in Fahrenheit 9/11.
-Ford's part was probably the most interesting to me since I got more of an impression of Ford the man and not Ford the bumbling caricature.
-Reagan...wasn't there. He was scheduled to meet him the day after it was announced that he had alzheimer's. We see way more of Merv Griffin than Reagan, which is why the score is down. I felt kinda gyped since there was promised to be 5 presidents but oh no...

*** 1/2

Fun Fact: At the time Greene interviewed him, Nixon would go out for a walk at 5am everyday on the streets of New York City. Boy would that be a weird sight. "God I'm tired...holy shit it's Nixon!".

Powers of Two by Tim Powers

Synopsis: The first two books by Powers. The first one, The Skies Discrowned is about a young painter trying to survive after a revolution kills his father. The second, An Epitaph in Rust, is about a monk in a post-apocalyptic LA.

Review: You know, 5 years ago these would have been just books to me, but now I can really tell that they're books written by a 23 year old. The guy in the first book, Francisco Royvar, is not only the best painter on the planet but the best fencer as well. Wow, what luck for the resistance that doesn't appear for what seems like 200 pages. But overall I thought they were okay. One can see the hints of future Powers themes (such as the hero getting maimed before the end of the book or the main characters being a few glasses short of alcoholism). Way better than spending $300 on a paperback to find out it's meh.

***

Fun Fact: When Powers and James Blaylock were college students they were roommates with Phillip K. Dick. Now that's weird. That's the sci fi weird roommate equivilent of Tommy Lee Jones and Al Gore being roommates.

Wizardry and High Romance by Michael Moorcock

Synopsis: A critical essay and history of fantasy by one of the premier fantasists living today.

Review: Well, I mainly got it so I could read Moorcock tear a new one into Tolkein. He did say some not nice things about him but it wasn't the dozens of pages of invective either. Instead I found an interesting scholarly work on fantasy itself, its origins and where it is today. I found I agreed with most of his points (except for Robert E. Howard and Lovecraft, this is the second literary thing I've read lately that said Robert E. was crap...what the hell? Sure he was pulpy but he was way better than most who followed him). I do agree that upcoming fantasy and the New Weird is exciting and I'm definitely going to have to put about a dozen of the books he mentioned on my ever growing wishlist.

*** 1/2

Fun Fact: Moorcock traces fantasy back to Amadis the Gaul, a confusing book indeed. I dunno, I expected L'Morte d'Arthur, but that's me.

Feh, I'm tired and lazy...I'll post links and stuff later. I dunno if this new format is that great an idea, but it's better to get a review out now while my mind is relatively fresh on the topic and not say a month and a half from now.

Bleah

2004-11-20T22:25:00.000-05:00

Okay okay fine, so I haven't updated. I just figured that since all my free time is devoured by the unyielding maw of San Andreas I had to cut out blogging, watching movies and tv, and most of my reading. This is a phase, in a month or two I'll wince whenever the phrase is said. But for now, San Andreas be my life.

I did get one review written, but it needs extensive editing. I should finish Powers of Two tonite, meaning I'm still 4 reviews behind. After reading 100 books this year I think I'll introduce a theme that'll last 'til the end of the year: reading giant books. For me, any book over 400 pages is gigantic. I do have a few lying around here I've been meaning to read. I wonder: Neil Stephenson's Quicksilver or CJ Cherryh's Faded Sun series? Decisions decisions.

I think for December I'll try and not buy any books or movies. It'll be hard but I think it can happen. The hardest part will be after x-mas. Speaking of not buying movies, I did a little checklist and found that I've bought over 50 movies I haven't watched yet. Technically I have watched 20 of them before, in movie theaters and on tv, but not on DVD - so that's 30 movies I've never even seen before I haven't watched. I blame Blockbuster loving to charge me late fees and my unlimited love of crap/obscure but lovable gems. (sigh) And 90% of the time I'm disappointed anyway.

They pushed back the San Andreas soundtrack for two weeks. Argh. I just wish they'd release which stations will be put on cd. I really really want the country station and the funk/soul station, I would like the other all funk station, the alternative station, and the classic rock station.

So...yeah. Not sure when I'm updating again. I figure a thingy only I read can be put off for a while. I do plan on writing some reviews and they'll be up here I'm just not sure when that is.

SEs

2004-11-14T01:37:00.000-05:00

Another tiny post...this one is about this here post from the Spaghetti Western Web board saying they're making Special Editions of A Fistful of Dollars, For a Few Dollars More, and Duck You Sucker!. Hooray! True, I do already have two of those on DVD, but extra scenes (with translations!), digital restoration, and actual special features would be quite awesome. Plus Duck You Sucker! I've been dying to see since I got into spaghettis. I think Christopher Frayling said it was a symbolic harbinger to another type of spaghetti western, the political one. There were a few set during the Mexican Revolution, and they usually seemed to center on how sucky the US was.

Frankly, other than these, the only other Special Edition of a movie I've already bought that I would buy is Kill Bill. There, I'm done, you movie companies cannot bilk me out of mo' money.

This doesn't fit the topic, but the #1 thing I'd want on DVD right now is The Adventures of Brisco County Jr. Sure it was campy, but I loved that show. Well, that and the 1986 version of She, a craptacular movie classic. I like to show it to my friends, if they can endure She then they are true Mike friends. If not then they're pansies and can't take a terrible movie with no plot and chainsaw-wielding mummy mutants.

Quickie

2004-11-13T10:19:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I haven't been so punctual in updating and now I'm 4 books behind. It seems lately all I've been doing is Grand Theft Auto, reading, and working. Ugh. Expect in the next week or so another Mega Post. Plus I have watched quite a few movies in the past week or two, so I may do a special movie Mega Post.

Feh

2004-11-10T22:08:00.000-05:00

Okay okay, so I've been naughty and not updated. In my defense, see the previous entry about my feelings vis a vis San Andreas. I've only read 3 books thanks to that thing! Yeah, I know, it's sacrilege! Fortunately I just made it to San Fierro, which is about halfway thru the story missions. Hooray! And Zero, while funny, has the most annoying missions ever. All I want is an asset, not a headache. I both hate and like him.

Know that I've actually re-installed AIM, so if you actually want to IM me you can.

Stuff I purchased lately since I love typing about them:

Lust - My 3rd Deadly sin book. I just read it and thought it was pretty good for a short story length book. Someday I'll write a full length review of it.
Marvel 1602 - Neil Gaiman's version of the Marvel universe set 400 years in the past. From what I read of it it was cool. Usually Gaiman can do no wrong, although it does seem like I'm the only person on Earth who didn't like Neverwhere. I think it would have been better had I even been in London.
A Blazing World - The annotated guide to the second volume of the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. I also read this, expect a review here um soonish.
Sethra Lavode - Supposedly the final book in the Phoenix Guards series by Steven Brust. I'm hoping it's as good as the last one. The Viscount of Adrilankha was a pain parade.
Gunpowder - A history of the explosive substance that changed the world. I'm still floored the Chinese only used it as a toy.

Gamestop the video game store spun off Moviestop, which is pretty frickin' awesome. I got 5 movies for $20. Unfortunately one I already owned, but the other 4 are -
Conan the Destroyer - The crappy sequel. I think it was amusingly bad. And Grace Jones is literally the scariest woman I have ever seen. If she was in The Grudge I would have had 12 heart attacks.
Transformers: The Movie - I remember it as great when I was a kid, and okay now. A steal at $4.
Black Belt Theatre: Fists of Double K and Kung Fu Stars - 2 Kung Fu movies for $4? I'm glad I have a high threshold of pain!
A Minute to Pray, A Second to Die - I do love the spaghetti westerns. I had no idea this actually was one, I just assumed it was from the goofy title. Hooray!

Other movies I have acquired recently are the Invisible Man legacy collection (the forgotten Universal monster - hopefully it's as good as I remember) and Tomb of Legeia/An Evening of Edgar Allan Poe (explained in previous post). Strangely enough I don't consider myself that big a collector of movies and now it seems there's about 40 or so I own and haven't watched yet. Oy.

Eventually, if I ever have time, I should write a review of the 3 books I've read as well as an October Review Roundup. Oh what the hell, let's do it now...it's kinda fun and easy too!

Books ->
The Gate of Fire - The second book in the Oath of Empire series, which is about a Roman Empire with magic. I enjoyed it, even if it confused the bejeezus out of me. ***
The Devil's Dictionary - Ambrose Bierce's sarcastic collection of definitions, complete with illustrations by gonzo artist Ralph Steadman. Probably meant to be read one a day, the better to savor their sarcasm...which is too slow for me. *** 1/2
Raising Hell - A short history of black magic/magicians. Fun and short. ****
A Fearsome Doubt - The most recent book in the Inspector Rutledge mystery series, about both an old case from before the war and a recent series of murdered veterans. Good, but I'm tiring of Rutledge cliches. It feels like if you've read one, you've read them all. ***
Almost History - A series of historical and government documents that shed new light on past events and people. Great when dealing with plan b's but not so much when he strayed off topic. ***
Danse Macabre - Stephen King's evaluation of horror, from Frankenstein to Alien. I enjoyed it, even if it is a little dated now. *** 1/2

Movies >
The Emperor and the Assassin - About, guess what, an emperor-to-be and an assassin. One of the most mind-warpingly dull movies I've ever seen. It's so bad I had to invent the word mind-warpingly. *
Frankenstein Unbound - A guy who invents a time imploding laser goes back in time to meet Frankenstein, the Creature, and Mary Shelley. Amusingly bad as opposed to painful bad. For some reason John Hurt be the shit to me, probably because he has a cool voice and he always picks weird roles. ***
Aliens vs Predator - Hey hey, about Predators hunting Aliens in an Antarctic pyramid. I kinda liked it, which is about as embarrasing as admitting to liking Gigli. (shudder) ** 1/2
Team America: World Police - Actor Gary joins Team America, a fighting force devoted to ridding the world of terrorist scum. One of the funniest films I've ever seen, so good I saw it twice in the theater and got the soundtrack. The last time I did that to a comedy was Men in Black, still one of the best films ever. ****
The Grudge - If somebody is murdered by somebody who's really pissed off, their angry ghost will linger around. Don't go into the murder house or you die! Unless you're a police detective or a real estate agent. *** 1/2
Frankenstein (the USA tv movie) - It seems that Dr. Frankenstein became immortal and created multiple monsters, and the Creature is out for revenge. Feh, 's okay. ** 1/2
The Night Strangler - The second Kolchak tv movie, about a guy extracting the blood from pretty women in early '70's Seattle. Better than the original, even if it adhered to the same themes. ****

Shopping! Oh boy!

2004-11-01T20:35:00.000-05:00

Fuck yeah! And I thought the new Gigan was cool!

I've come out of exile to make a not-so-surprising revelation: I like buying stuff I won't have any intention of using any time soon. DVDs, cds, books...nah I ain't actually using/reading/watching them for months, if years. Why bring this up? I saw about 87 Vincent Price movies I want at Best Buy today. Now you and I know that not every movie he did was good, or even watchable, but that won't fix anything. I'll only learn when I'm thru the 3rd or 4th one, then I'll wait a couple of years until I forget how lame they were, and start over again. It's a cycle you see. It's happened to blaxploitation, spaghetti westerns, kung fu, and stuff I liked as a kid, so why not Vincent Price movies?

Pictured above are Dr. Phibes action figures slated to come out next year. Since The Abominable Dr. Phibes is one of the greatest films ever made, they must be mine, damn the lack of space I have in this tiny room! I only get figures of things I really like. I mean really like. Conan? Nah. Thundarr? Hell yeah! Vincent Price in The Raven? Hell no. Vincent Price in Dr. Phibes? Fuck yeah!

Today I got Cannonball, the unofficial sequel to Death Race 2000. Frankly, anything related to Death Race 2000 is the coolest thing ever in my book. Yesterday I watched about 7 or 8 horror movies, which I may post reviews of soon. I haven't actually finished a book in a week, but hopefully in the next day or two I'll post a review of The Shub-Niggurath Cycle.

Okay, which would you get: The Cthulhu Cycle, a series of stories about the dark master hisself Cthulhu...or a book in the Simon Magus series by Richard Tierney? Simon Magus = proto-Christian Mythos Conan, ya know. Decisions, decisions. I've been kicking myself for a while because I haven't gotten either of them. Hmm. And you're no help because you returned to your hentai blog when you said I would get Vincent Price action figures. I'll probably just get both and feel guilty about it later.

Well, I felt a bit like posting some fluff today. Tomorrow, important political stuff. Friday, most likely this, this, this, this, and this will be mine. And now, back to San Andreas. The greatest game ever created in the history of mankind. Teacher, friend....secret lover.

The 50th Mega-Post

2004-10-27T01:07:00.000-04:00

I've decided to take a couple of days off from blogging. Which is nothing new but I'm announcing it now. My grandparents are coming down for a day, so I have to clean up around here. That and San Andreas (-1 Days) will probably be taking up most of my time for the next week, so expect nothing else here until then. Hopefully I'll say some political thing of note before the election, but then again I probably won't.

So anyways, for a little vacation, and because this is my 50th post, here is the longest post ever. I wrote it over a couple of days and I have to say I like this multi-day posting. Allows me more time to refine my thoughts as it were. I digress. Enjoy.

A Fearsome Doubt by Charles Todd

World War I appears to be one of those forgotten wars of American history, much like say Korea and Panama. And with good reason, since we didn’t enter the war until relatively late and it ended soon after we arrived. But while it is a bit of a footnote here, in Europe it was naturally a much bigger deal. Millions died on both sides, men were told to charge machine gun nests, and most of the military gains were nothing more than a few miles at best. The phrase “shell shock” was introduced to explain men whose sanity was loosened by all the horror around him.

Yet the Allies prevailed and the Central powers fell. The horror had passed and it was time to rebuild. Or was it? I’m sure that after the war there were many men who refused to let go of the fear and loathing. And apparently the writing team of Charles Todd agrees. The Inspector Ian Rutledge mysteries feature a detective who was an officer during the war. He was so distraught after executing a subordinate named Hamish Macleod for disobeying an order that he is haunted by his “ghost”. In the latest book, for example, Rutledge panics when a group of men pile into his car because where would Hamish sit? Hamish is a strange character for me because it seems that Rutledge must have listened to every single story Hamish ever told and then forgot them, since in every book Hamish tells Rutledge about some event in his life as if it was fresh news. One thing I do like about Hamish is that he’s becoming less of an asshole in the later books. Early on, he just seemed there just to sow the seeds of doubt in Rutledge’s mind. I remember reading reviews saying that they made a great team, and I was left thinking that we read different books. In the latest book he seems less obtrusive, which I definitely liked.

In A Fearsome Doubt, Inspector Rutledge tackles two mysteries. One mystery deals with a past case: new evidence is found, leaving him to think that perhaps the wrong man was hanged. The other deals with murders of veterans in Kent. All were maimed in some way and all were killed by an overdose of laudanum. All in all, I thought it was one of the better books in the series. The characters were interesting, and I didn’t even come close to guessing the killer. Hamish isn’t as much of an ass, and is actually helpful now to a degree. And this is the first book to have Rutledge’s friends as characters, which is nice to see.

But of course there are some flaws. To better understand my critique of the book, we might as well go over the major themes of Inspector Rutledge mysteries:
1) Hamish, who was already discussed
2) Rutledge gets assigned some case in some obscure made-up British township called East Bumblefuckshire or some such
3) He obsesses over The War all the damn time, which makes sense because he’s got a rabid Scotsman in his head and it’s only a year later but still…
4) The locals always hate him, as if he was the murderer or something
5) The local cop always jumps to the wrong conclusion about the killer
6) Rutledge doubts his instincts thanks to The War, although he is always proved right by the end of the book
7) The killer is usually somebody totally out of left field, I’ve only guessed one correctly out of the whole series
All of course were present in this book. While the mystery genre itself relies on certain clichés, this series uses these same themes in every single book. What I mean is that while the “gathering all the suspects in the study as to reveal the true killer” cliché for example is common in mystery, it isn’t used in every single mystery book in existence. I was hoping that this one would finally be set in London but oh no that’s impossible, off to Kent with you, crazy-ass Rutledge. Another thing that bugs me is the gloom and doom in the series. A page doesn’t seem to go by without some mention of a blood-stained trench or something. Rutledge appears to be a member of a depressing fraternity of creeped out young men with dead eyes. I mean, I know it was traumatic and all but if all this bleak depression is the alternative, no wonder British of that era refused to discuss the aftermath of the war.

So anyway, the previous paragraph notwithstanding, I give it ***. I had a good time, but it really feels that Todd has been repeating themselves for the past couple of books now. Too bad the next one is set during December of 1919. I’m left wondering what he’s like in 1929, or 1939. Is Hamish still there? Is the war still an omnipresent reality? Will anyone be happy again?

Did I Guess the Killer? Nope on both counts

For Further Reading:
The First World War – Everything I know about WW I I know from this book. John Keegan is one of the finest military historians out there.

Almost History by Roger Bruns

They say (whoever “they” are) that “what if” is one of the most fundamental questions in science fiction. What if mankind was in space? What if he discovered aliens? What if they blasted him for bombarding them with tv for centuries? And so on and so forth. “What if” is also the fundamental question in alternate history, a sub-set of science fiction. But there, instead of the future, “what if” asks about the past. What if the Nazis won WW II? What if Tesla was less of a freak and married Westinghouse’s daughter, or even the widowed Marie Currie? The people who asked these questions have been academics and science fiction authors, but what if there were actual government documents that attempted to answer the same questions?

Enter Almost History: Close Calls, Plan B's, and Twists of Fate in America's Past. Bruns, an archivist for the US government, assembled scores of documents that show contingency plans, plans that were never implemented, and others. For example, the very first document is a speech written by Eisenhower apologizing for the failure of D-Day. There’s Nixon’s application to the FBI, a plan for government employees for after a nuclear war (essentially go about your business as if nothing had happened), a plan by Churchill and his military advisors on implementing WW III in late 1945, and Nixon’s speech about the demise of the Apollo XI astronauts.

The only thing that irks me is that I thought the whole book was filled of those kind of “what if” documents, instead ¾ of the book is other types of historical documents. Stuff like Jefferson’s letter urging the buying of the Louisiana Purchase, Teddy Roosevelt’s speech that stopped the would-be assassin’s bullet, a diary entry from the guy who first explored the Grand Canyon (who cares?), a picture of the machine invented by Alexander Graham Bell to find the bullet in James Garfield, and others. While interesting in and of themselves, I was led to believe that most of the documents were “plan B’s” and not papers on actual history. There is even an article from Popular Mechanics in the early 20th century saying the automobile has been perfected! I mean, that is funny I guess, but that’s not even a government document!

All in all, I thought Almost History was okay. When sticking to its original idea I thought it was at its best. When sorting through other government documental trivia, I thought it was a mixed bag. ***

For Further Reading:
What If? The World’s Foremost Military Historians Imagine What Might Have Been – Another mixed bag of interesting alternate history (or counterfactual, as they call it) and actual history. Sometimes they outline what they think might have happened, and other times they outline what actually happened and allow you to decide what might have happened. This is lame to me since I wouldn’t have spent $20 to guess on my own what might have happened, dammit.

Danse Macabre by Stephen King

This is the last part of the mega-update I’m writing, and it’s also late at nite, so this one will most likely be more brief than the previous two reviews. Where to begin? Stephen King is a man who should know horror. After all, it seems like every single book he’s ever written has become a runaway bestseller, much to the chagrin of book critics. So, what better person to write a critical examination of horror from all media?

Danse Macabre is a general overview of horror, mainly focusing on the period from 1950-1980 (therein lies its major flaw – see more in the next paragraph). It’s very anecdotal, don’t expect any point A to point B kind of stuff. I hate to say this but he surprised me. I didn’t think he was stupid by any means but there are so many beer swillin’ white trash in his books I started to wonder about him. But now I see that Big Steve is a bright guy filled with some smart ideas about the genre he chose to work in. My favorite ideas, ones which will probably stay with me, are the five major themes he says run through all horror fiction. First is the themes of Apollonian (polite, ordered, good – generally the beginning mood of the book or the protagonist) and Dionysian (violent, chaotic, evil). It sounds awfully pretentious, but it works I think. It’s a lot better than saying “the little boy brings chaos and destruction”, instead he’s Dionysian. Then the three major nineteenth century horror novels each have their own theme that translate to the present day. The abominable Frankenstein contributes the Thing Without A Name. Dracula has the idea of the vampire/sexual parasite/etc. And Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde wrap it up with the Werewolf, or the idea of the normal Apollonian man on the surface concealing Dionysian evil.

The biggest flaw to me is the time restriction. Yes, I myself was born in 1980. Unlike many in my generation I do not shun what came before me by any means, I think that the books I’ve reviewed/mentioned have proved that. However some of the tv shows and books that he casually mentioned I have literally never heard of in my life. Sci-fi Channel only just started doing reruns of Kolchak, The Night Stalker or I wouldn’t have heard of him either (and yeah I have to agree with Big Steve that it’s stupid but fun). Too bad he has retired, I would have loved to see an update of some kind. The only other thing that I didn’t like was, surprisingly, the book section. He devotes about a hundred pages to five books. By the end of each section I’m pretty tired of reading about the same book, no matter how good it was or how it fit the themes.

Ultimately I enjoyed it, pre-1980 and all, since most of the themes mentioned applied to horror even today. And now I wanna read The Body Snatchers and The Shrinking Man. Now I can look at crap like Cabin Fever and think “Wow, how Werewolf! Thanks Stephen King!”. *** 1/2

For Further Reading:

The Dreams Our Stuff Is Made Of – A similar treatment of science fiction. I should reread it since it’s been so long and I remember little. The most interesting thing I remember is that in the future, books will probably be ditched in favor of interactive video simulations. It would be kind of melding of reading and video game playing. Would I like it? No.

Lame-o Comix

As stated before I have a love/hate relationship with comics. Especially stuff with superheroes. However, when I saw that the library had a comics section I couldn’t resist picking up a few. After all, I’ll be the first to admit reading superhero comics is lame but spending money on them is even lamer.

Superman/Batman: Generations II – The original Generations was a cool what if type concept: what if the DC universe was in real time? As in, Batman premiered in 1939, what would he be like today? Or in the go-go sixties? I thought it was a neat idea in the original miniseries, so I decided to see if Byrne continued it here. Well, part 2 isn’t really a sequel as it is a supplemental to the first one. Not much new happens, other than at the very end with a twist that was both cool and stupid, if that is possible. And if it’s been years since you read the first one, shame on you since there’s no kind of reminders. Overall? Feh. **

The Dark Knight Strikes Back – I thought The Dark Knight Returns was frickin’ awesome when I was a comics junkie. The idea of a dystopian future where Batman picks up the cape and cowl after a ten year absence was a good one, and implemented wonderfully. I especially liked Superman as a shill to the evil US government. What would Miller do for an encore? Make an incomprehensible sequel where nothing really neat happens! Yes, it turns out that Superman was blackmailed into being a government stooge by Lex and Brainiac, not because he’s a goody-goody. Robin turns into Catgirl for no reason whatsoever. The Flash gets a cool black costume with stupid stupid shorts. Superman and Wonder Woman’s daughter is a bitch. Why the hell did Miller do that to Robin? Frankly, the best things in the whole series to me are the Atom being imprisoned in a Petri dish and Wonder Woman’s I-just-came-back-from-a-vacation-in-a-Greek-vase look. *

Movies

Aliens vs Predator – (WARNING – SPOILERS OFF THE PORT BOW, SKIP THIS REVIEW IF YOU’RE SPOILER-PHOBIC) Okay, so when you hear this you’ll think I’ve gone off the deep end, that I’m totally untrustworthy as a reviewer of any kind…but (sigh) I thought it was okay. I look at it from a Godzilla fan’s point of view: a boring-ass first hour where literally nothing happens followed by a monster on monster slugfest (well, okay so it wasn’t really a slugfest as a wasting all the humans and then slugfest). I loved the Predator thing making weapons out of a dead Alien. I liked shackled Queen Alien, even if it made no sense. I actually liked the human/Predator team-up.
Don’t get me wrong: this movie is stupid in every way. But it was kinda fun, after that dull as dishwater first hour. If they were coming out with an unrated version on DVD, I’d definitely rent it. ** ½

Team America: World Police – A hilarious spoof on both lame action films and the current political situation. Team America are heroes who patrol the world for terrorist scum and don’t care what they blow up as long as they get the job done. The movie is about the recruiting of Gary, a lowly actor, to infiltrate terrorist cells. Really, if you like the South Park style of humor and have seen an action movie, you need to see it. ****

The Grudge – Scary as hell. Apparently if somebody is murdered in Japan, don’t go to their house ever. I loved the fact there’s one simple rule and if you break it you die. None of this if you have sex/drink booze/are fat/etc bullshit. Now even the ad in the newspaper for the movie is unnerving to me. Of course I’ve always found eyes unsettling for some reason. Ultimately I found some of it scared the bejeezus out of me, while there were other parts of boring down time. *** ½

Frankenstein – This concerns the new tv movie/minseries on USA network. I thought the premise was cool: Frankenstein the original novel was a dramatization of a real dude in the nineteenth century who discovered immortality and continued his experiments in reanimating the dead. And his way of reanimating the dead was cool, she looked like a bleached woman off the set of The Cell. But the original creature just looked like a dude off the street (and he was in a freakshow too…why?), and Michael Madsen as another creature was really lame. Plus every time I think of Parker Posey, I think of her as the villainess in Josie and the Pussycats and not as a tough policewoman. I’d TiVo the next one, but I’m not looking forward to it. ** ½

The Night Strangler – Kolchak hangs up his shingle in Seattle in this sequel to The Night Stalker. Here an immortal seeks the blood of women to sustain his long life and experiments. Essentially it’s a retelling of the original one but I liked the sequel better because homicidal immortal alchemists are better than humdrum vampires. Plus there seemed to be less boring bits. And I wanna see Old Seattle, who knew there was an entire city underground? Not I. ****

3 Days

2004-10-22T22:00:00.000-04:00

Gigan is bad-ass? Wha? What parallel universe have I been dropped into? I...I'm confused.

- Man, I feel like I've had about 10 minutes to myself for the past couple of days. Hence the lack of posts. I actually sat at my computer last nite for a full minute trying to think of anything to post and couldn't work up the effort. I do think it's too late for that Frankenstein Unbound thing, since it's been more than a week since I saw it details won't be as fresh. Essentially, all I was going to mention was that

a) Frankenstein the book sucks. You expect things to happen, but they don't. And when they do you don't care because you waded through boring dialogue with gigantic antiquated wordage. Although Danse Macabre makes a good case as to why such a festering pile is the granddaddy of horror (it's also the grampa of modern science fiction, but that's for another book) I still don't care.
b) Frankenstein Unbound the book isn't much better. It's set in a world where the US used some new kind of weapon in WWIII that causes holes in time. The main character, a former cabinet member and now retired and living in Texas, is sucked back in time to early nineteenth century Geneva. Over the course of the book he meets both Frankenstein and his creature, as well as Mary Shelley (and he shags her! he's like sixty something! what the hell?!?!). Aldiss decided to make a point of beating me in the head that we've become Frankenstein, over and over and over again. A note: if it takes me a week to read a 200 page book it's not that good.
c) Frankenstein Unbound the movie is basically the same but instead of going through other rips in time to meet Mary Shelley and company, the main character (now the creator of a laser that shunts you elsewhere in time...I don't see where that would be of use since your enemies could land in the past...yes Soviet tanks rolling over Thirty Year's War Germany would make a cool book...) lands in a Geneva where Frankenstein and Mary Shelley are living at the same time. In other words, she watches the trial of Justine Moritz, the girl accused of killing Victor's brother. I found it to be a stupid movie (how the hell did Victor sew different eyeballs together? and why make a creature out of Elizabeth? oy), but overall I like the idea of Shelley writing a fictional book based on a regional scientist named Frankenstein that turns out to be a little too close to the truth. ***

- I kinda have a love/hate relationship with Godzilla movies. Now understand, I've loved them since I was a kid. But now that I'm an adult, the hour and a half of boring humans doesn't make the five minute fight between Big G and the monster of the week at the end worth it. The new Godzilla vs Mothra was so boring I probably would have thrown the DVD away in disgust if it didn't have Godzilla vs King Ghidorah on the same disc. Godzilla/Mothra/King Ghidorah was bad-ass since Godzilla was the undead personification of the Japanese killed during WW II (and I think he was "evil" for the first time too...even in 1985 did I expect Godzilla to intentionally fry people for running away from him).
Where was my point? Well, I was getting to feel that I had outgrown Godzilla along with lame-o comics and gay-ass He-Man. But then I saw stuff for Godzilla: Final Wars and it got my fanboy blood pumpin' again. Look at Gigan! Look at him! I was never a big fan of the buzzsaw chicken but now I think he took over Monster X as the monster I most wanna see. Oh and guess what...feast your eyes on Kaiser Ghidorah! Holy shit he's badass! I would give whatever nuts I have left to see this in a theater! I'd see it ten times!

- As hinted I began Stephen King's Danse Macabre. Impressions? It's pretty good so far. I'm not sure he's pointed out what makes things scary, but he does make a nice anecdote. Speaking of books, I finally got my stuff from Books-a-Million:
Greed - it's only 54 pages long! Man, I could almost read that in the crapper! Damn books based on lectures!
Monte Cassino: The Story Behind the Most Controversial Battle of World War II - I never thought I'd get a book based on a level from a video game, but here we are. About the Allies bombing the shit out of a 1500 year old monastery in Italy because the Nazis were supposedly holed up in there.
Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norell - the "it" fantasy book of this year. Neil Gaiman can't praise this book enough, and based on his and other reviews I decided to try it. I wasn't prepared for it's size though. You could crack walnuts with this thing. I've been thinking of devoting December to giant books and this would fit just nicely.
Dante (Penguin Lives) - self explanatory.
Empire: A Very Short Introduction - the last one I plan on buying before I actually read one. I just felt I had to have this one since I've always been interested in the idea of empire. Covers empire of land as well as by sea, and even the kinda-sorta one we have now. I did wonder why they count the US as an empire. Naivete on my part I suppose.
Empire - a comic about a villain who already took over the world and how he's having problems with his subordinates a decade later. As I said I outgrew comics years ago but I always get sucked back in when there's a good plot. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Sandman, Preacher and Transmetropolitan are some of the smartest stuff I've read ever. Lame soap opera-y bullshit like this make me stay the fuck away from superhero stuff.

- So I went to UGA for that grad school thing today. I felt like I got all that info from the website anyway. It was nice seeing the campus though. I miss the college life sometimes. I dreamt of Knoxville seemingly everyday last summer.

- San Andreas comes out on Monday and I am not just excited, but fucking excited. It looks like I'm standing in line for an hour and a half to get it the day before it officially comes out but I do not care.

7 Days

2004-10-19T00:21:00.000-04:00

Before I go off to beddy bed, I wanna say:

- The new Juno Reactor cd is fucking badass. I love you Juno Reactor for making Zwara, my new favorite song. :-o~~~~~

- San Andreas is in a week. GTA: SA -7 Expect few updates for the first week or so since well, blowing up Los Santos, reading, and working is all I'm going to be doing.

- Thanks to today I'm still 2 books behind in reviews, even after the one today. Oh well. Expect a review of A Fearsome Doubt (the first mystery here at water damage) and Almost History soon. And of course the possibility of promised essays on Tiny Book Shopping #2, Frankenstein/Frankenstein Unbound, and perhaps one on politics since election day is coming soon.

- Also soon will be my 50th post. Wowsers, how time flies. I know, a minor milestone but one nonetheless. Too bad I have no money, or I would actually celebrate. Crack open a book and think of me.

- Friday I go to UGA and participate in an open house for prospective grad students in poli sci. Wish me luck.

- This website taunts me with promise of reviews of forgotten sci-fi books but hasn't updated in almost 2 years. When is a good time to delete your links? >:-(